I am ridiculously excited about today’s guest blog – as you can probably tell by the fact I’m posting it on Monday as opposed to Friday when other guest blogs go up. Valery North – who has written here before on how your physical responses to sex toys can change as you get older – has just published a book! Not to Choose is a BDSM relationship novel about kinky sex, feminism and one person’s spiritual faith. And the extract that Valery has sent to give you a taster of the book is ridiculously hot, and very much my cup of tea. Or my cup of ‘vigorous, intense BDSM fuck’, if you will…

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This might sound a little weird to you, but when I conjure up sex fantasies I, personally, am not in them. Usually they feature a guy (or two, or three) that I’ve cast from a set of characters in my head – army sergeant, angry teacher, dominant dude on a conference call and … a woman who does not look like me. I didn’t realise this was unusual, until I had a conversation with someone about it, then ran some polls on Twitter to ask: do you, yourself, star in your sex fantasies?

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First SoSS (Share Our Shit Saturday)/sexy link roundup of 2018 contains some advice on how to reflect as the New Year begins, a story that just made me happy, and a little ‘WTF?’ in the form of unusual enemas. Click the headings to read the full posts, and enjoy the bonus segment as well if you like funny, feminist news shows.

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When you’re working in porn, how hard is it to get hard? How do performers ensure that they can get and keep erections, sometimes for long stretches at a time? I’ve heard people discussing these questions a lot before. But today’s guest blogger – Marcus Quillan – is here to look at these questions from a different angle: what are the expectations of cis male porn performers in the industry? And what do these expectations tell us about toxic masculinity in porn, and the welfare of performers?

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A long time ago on the internet, a guy called Mil Millington catalogued the arguments he’d had with his girlfriend. I have no idea how old this website is, but it’s old enough that it’s one of the first things I remember reading on the internet for ‘fun’ – before Twitter, before Facebook… even before I had a Livejournal. It’s mostly arguments about silly things like the rules of Robot Wars or how to correctly slice a kiwi fruit. And although it’s been a long time since I read it, I think it’s still percolating in my head somewhere because over Christmas I wrote the following post: ridiculous arguments I’ve had with my boyfriend.

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