Two things: Vaginismus Awareness Day and Fleabag

Image by the brilliant Stuart F Taylor

Normally with ‘two things‘ I pick one good bit of sex news and one bad bit, so I can take the piss out of the bad thing and recommend the good. Instead, this week I have two things that are ‘good’ (Vaginismus Awareness Day and Fleabag) and as a bonus I have a teeny rant about a bad thing, which I’m burying at the end so you don’t think I’m a twat. Ready? Let’s go.

The good: Vaginismus Awareness Day

Vaginusmus is a condition that means vaginal penetration can be painful. That’s a simple way to sum up something that can be completely devastating for the people who have it. A long time ago someone wrote a fantastic guest blog for me on living with vaginismus, in which she explained how it has affected her sex life:

“This has been my sex life for nearly 13 years. In that time, I have had penetrative sex with four different men. I have probably had sex less than a hundred times in my life. I have lost two relationships because of it. Once, my hormones were so wild and I was so fucked up that I managed to orgasm even though the pain never left; I cannot describe what it is like to cum like that, fighting against my body.”

Why am I mentioning it now? Well the sex toy store Sh! is organising a Vaginismus Awareness Day – on 15th September. The aim is to highlight vaginismus, talk about options for people who have it, and generally spread the word. Things tend to get more traction if they have a special ‘day’, and I think this one is well worth shouting about. You can also check out the Sh! blog, where they have a bunch of advice on a whole host of sex things. They’re lovely.

The also good: Fleabag

Fleabag is a comedy series about a woman who does a lot of fucking, and who is deeply traumatised by the death of her best friend. It’s about a whole bunch of weird shit she thinks and says and does, wrapped up in dark humour and shot through with the kind of sweay dialogue that reminds me of the last time me and my sister got pissed. It also has an episode that revolves around Fleabag ‘finishing herself off’ after/during fucking which is probably the most real sex scene I have seen in quite some time. She is practical, horny and also a bit of a cunt.

Obviously I love her.

The bad: Time and emails

I have not been on top of my email inbox for months. Every single email I write begins with the word ‘sorry.’ Yet still they come – emails that show people have ignored my FAQ.

There is too much. Not from nice people, who have read the FAQ, but from people who haven’t. They’re the same ones who’ll likely get angry because I don’t reply, or who’ll email again five times to say ‘just checking you got this…’ I even – I’m not making this up – got an email from someone who’d seen I was on holiday because I’d tweeted about it, and used my holiday as an excuse to say: ‘oh you have time to chat to me now you’re on holiday, right?’

And then I got this guy… He emailed me to ask if I wanted to post some crap advertorial for his company, and he’d received my standard out of office – which links to my FAQ, which answers his question (no). He’d emailed 3 times. Each of those times he’d been sent the link, and chosen to ignore it and not read the FAQ. Eventually, when he emailed a 4th time (after getting my HOLIDAY OUT OF OFFICE), with literally just a question mark. I got annoyed.

Me: That’s rude. Stop emailing me.

Him: I think it’s rude that you intentionally don’t answer emails. I’ve sent 4 mails within 1 month asking politely if that’s possible. Since you did not answer, I thought my mail went to spam. A simple “no” would have been enough. If you are not familiar with basic etiquette, you should not blame others for your arrogance.

So. I’m knackered and I also have a feeling I’m getting RSI. My inbox is still not even close to clear. And I have no idea how to deal with this other than to write a post which I’m hoping and praying some people might just read before they decide to shoot off an email ‘just wondering’ if I might want to answer one of the questions I’ve already answered in my FAQ, but in a more sensitive and individual way especially for them because they’re special.

So in the ‘bad’ column this week go these people:

  • Sex toy company reps who haven’t read my FAQ
  • Wanking dudes who haven’t read my FAQ
  • PR reps who haven’t read my FAQ
  • People who email me to ask me questions that are covered in my FAQ.

If you have ever put mouse to link and clicked on my FAQ, then please accept all my love and gratitude and treat yourself to something lovely. You should know that you’re special, because you’re few and far between. And I’m sorry I’m a grump: I’m in a lot of pain and I still have mountains to do. I’ll cheer up soon, I promise.


  • Some folks think they’re entitled to your time, or like to talk like they are.

    They are not.

  • Maypaki says:

    Primary Vaginismus
    if you have it, then your body is not designed for sex. It is God’s way of telling you to become a nun or just remain celibate to keep the population down. You have a NUN’S VAGINA. God truly works in strange ways. I am now an enlightened man.

    • Girl on the net says:

      Do you feel the same about medical issues that affect the penis? If, for instance, you had erectile dysfunction, epididymitis, phymosis or anything else that made sex difficult or painful for you, would you throw your hands in the air say ‘God is telling me something!’ and pop off to your nearest monastery? In fact, if you were to break your leg would you assume it’s God’s way of telling you to stop running? If you accidentally cut yourself and got an infection, would you just let the infection run its course because it’s ‘Gods will’? No, you’d go to a fucking doctor.

      • Maypaki says:

        Well, the fact that painful intercourse is more common among women than men only proves that God is male, not female. A goddess will never let this happen to women.

        • Girl on the net says:

          You haven’t answered any of my questions, because you’re a single-minded religious fanatic. You’re officially banned from commenting here ever again! Wooo! I do hope other commenters will be as delighted as I am to see the back of you.

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