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Things I would like to never hear again

In the light of the documentary/article/revelations about [INSERT NAME OF LATEST PREDATORY MAN], I have made note of a few phrases that I’d love to never hear again in the context of rape and sexual assault.

CN: rape, sexual assault, futility of reporting sex crimes in the UK

“Shocked and appalled”

“We at [COMPANY] are shocked and appalled to learn that a man who has been repeatedly, loudly, publicly misogynist is now alleged to be an abuser/sex offender/rapist in private.

“Our profound shock and utter appallment extends to the realisation that someone about whom there have been multiple credible allegations spanning well over a decade is not the great guy we believed him to be when we ignored these stories first time round and paid him fat stacks of cash to front our TV show/star in our movie/write a little booky wook.”

We should teach consent classes!

If you genuinely believe that ‘consent classes’ would have made a difference to [INSERT NAME OF LATEST PREDATORY MAN]’s behaviour, I’ve got some magic beans to sell you.

Consent is, of course, a really important part of anyone’s education. Not just sex education, education in general. Consent education can teach people about bodily autonomy, communication, respecting their partners, how to give (and receive!) a ‘no’. It can help people understand what they want and how to articulate it, as well as how to ask others about their own needs and boundaries. And lots more!

Consent education is not about teaching rapists that it’s naughty to rape. They know. 

Sex addiction!

Being promiscuous is not a disease. Consensual sex is a very far cry from rape. But ‘promiscuity’/’sex addiction’ is [INSERT NAME OF LATEST PREDATORY MAN]’s first line of defence, because he wants you to think that those taking allegations against him seriously are prudish and judgmental, so you can dismiss the evidence that’s been put forward.

Whenever some powerful cunt abuses his power to assault and rape people, there’s nearly always some discussion of ‘sex addiction‘ swirling around. Why? Because it is in the interests of powerful sex offenders to muddy the waters around consent and make it seem like there’s a wafer-thin line between ‘consensual sex between adults’ and ‘whatever rapey shit the prick in question has been getting up to lately.’

‘Sex addiction’ gives those of you who are desperate to believe him (why IS that? Why ARE you so desperate to believe him? What skin do you have in this game?) a vaguely plausible excuse to do just that.

Innocent until proven guilty!

To everyone saying this, I look forward to the campaign you are no doubt leading to ensure that [INSERT NAME OF LATEST PREDATORY MAN] sees the inside of a courtroom. Presumption of innocence is a legal term, and it applies in court: if you want him presumed innocent, get that fucker to court, stat!

Everyone who objects to this ‘trial by media’, I urge you to fight for a trial by… trial!

Only around 5% of rape reports are ever charged by police. Not even ‘prosecuted’ as in ‘they will be heard in front of a judge/jury’, but charged. I assume you’re demanding systemic change to address this? Are you planning a march/writing to your MP/shouting about it on all your social media channels? Do let me know what you’re doing, so I can get involved.

Why no police report?

The police will often dismiss your complaint before you even get to report stage. I know of multiple women who have tried to report sexual offences and been greeted with a shoulder-shrug.

Let’s say you can file a report, see above: only around 5% of rape reports are ever charged by police. Do you fancy those odds?

Assuming your rapist does get charged, chances are the CPS (Crown Prosecution Service) will throw out your case. It doesn’t even matter if (as in the case of Andrew Tate) there’s really good evidence like a voice memo of your assailant telling you that “I fucking loved how much you hated it. It turned me on.” Still fancy your chances?

Now let’s assume you’re one of the very lucky few and the CPS does decide to prosecute your assailant. You’re still looking at the best part of 3 years before it goes to trial, and in the meantime you are strongly advised not to talk to anyone about this traumatic experience, in case you prejudice the outcome.

How do you fancy it now, motherfucker?

Any of us could be accused!

LOL. No. Absolutely the fuck not. Allegations of rape and sexual assault – especially in the UK where our strict libel laws carry terrifying consequences for anyone making claims that could cause reputational harm – are a HUGE HUGE HUGE DEAL. Especially when you’re making them against someone with money and power. Top of the list of things I’d like to never hear again is this one – or any other phrase which implies that making an allegation of rape is somehow easy or risk-free.

The idea that women are just swanning around the country making false allegations left, right and centre in order to shame men we don’t like or even (WHAT?! HOW?!) make money out of them is such absurd bullshit we might as well claim that Father Christmas is helping with the paperwork.

Making a rape report is extremely difficult. Getting a case to court is almost impossible. Seeing your assailant actually held accountable (whether that be with jail time or a slap on the wrist or whatever) is the kind of thing of which we daydream, before dismissing it with a bitter laugh and request for more gin and tissues.

As for making money off an allegation – how? HOW?! In reality, the opposite is true: if you are a rich and powerful rapist, you stand a better chance of getting money out of your accuser than the other way round. Why? Well, because if you aren’t prosecuted (as you almost certainly won’t be) and you have enough cash to bring a defamation claim, then anything your accuser writes or says about their rape could harm your reputation, and therefore be actionable.

In practice this isn’t likely to happen (most rapists don’t actually want to go to court, believe it or not), but what absolutely is likely (and I suspect has happened many times in [INSERT NAME OF LATEST PREDATORY MAN]’s career) is that expensive lawyers will write terrifying letters to accusers, making it abundantly clear that their mouths should remain firmly shut on pain of an expensive, stressful, time-consuming and humiliating defamation suit.

It’s a conspiracy! The media/world is out to get me!

You are not that important.

I dated him/married him/met him once in a Costco and he didn’t rape ME!

Good for you. Fuck off.

Well I don’t know any man who would do that sort of thing

Yes you do.



  • Mosscat says:

    You’ve said it so well. Not much different here on the other side of the world. Sad, angry and still fighting for change. Thank you.

  • Ferns says:


    Every single fucking point.

    All of it is beyond infuriating, incandescent rage-making.

    And thank you, thank you so much for raging, so I can go ‘this, this, FUCKING THIS’ because if I start spitting rage myself, I swear I will never stop. EVER.


  • Fiestry says:

    I learned about rape culture via the internet about a decade ago, and the people who perpetuate it are still spouting the same arguments. You’d think that with time, things would improve, but the statistics don’t lie.

    I’m so glad that someone else sees what I’m seeing, and this DESERVES a good rant. Thank you for the validation and the honesty.

  • Julia says:

    People (of all genders) need to have this kind of thing as a back pocket “you’re talking shut by the way” to try to reduce the societal enablement of predators. Succinct and extraordinarily insightful; thank you for taking the time to articulate this defence against whataboutism.

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