Category Archives: The human body
Wallowing in spunk
Ten minutes after we’ve fucked, I cough. Inevitably, thick teaspoons of lukewarm spoodge dribble down into my knickers.
I.
Love.
This.
Feeling.
It is not for the physical sensation: a very similar effect is released when I’ve put my pants on after a bath. The wetness gushes slightly quicker, but as it seeps through my crotch the feelings I get are more annoyance than delight.
When it’s spunk, though? I am down with that: it’s like a souvenir. (more…)
Summer sex: what do you do when it’s too hot to fuck?
Goths of the world, unite! Then disband again! Because actually it’s a little bit awkward meeting so many people! And we’re all a bit too warm in these clothes and we’d really rather be hiding in the basement!
I am shit at summer. I suck at being on the beach, I am appalling at barbecues, and although I can certainly appreciate a sweaty guy in a too-tight summer t-shirt, in general I find my libido plummeting with every increase in temperature.
It. Is. Shit.
Some bits of summer are passably good. Shall we go to sit in a pub beer garden? YES. Shall we have an ice-cream? YES. Shall we fuck like it’s the end of the world and our orgasm might stave off Armageddon? NO OH GOD FUCK OFF.
Support my blog: buy ace discount sex toys
It seems a bit shameless to write a blog post like this, but here’s the deal: I have a couple of cool discount codes that mean you can get money off awesome sex toys, and I thought I’d give them a plug. Why? Because sex toys are fun, and my sponsors (SexToys in the UK and SheVibe in the US) give me money to help keep this blog going. If you buy stuff from them, they’ll hopefully keep giving me money, so that I can write more hot stories for you to read while you test out whatever cool things you’ve just bought.
So here goes: if you’re in the UK, use the code HEAT10 and you’ll get 10% off at SexToys. If you’re in the US (or, indeed, Canada or Australia) use the code GIRLONNET and you’ll get 10% off at SheVibe.
What if I can’t buy stuff? If you’re outside the shipping areas for either of those shops, then I’m sorry about that and I’m working on finding ways to get cool discount sex toys to you too. If you can’t afford to buy anything, then that sucks and I’m sorry, and I’m not expecting you to. If you want to support my blog without buying things I’d very much appreciate you sharing any of my posts on Facebook or Twitter, or subscribing to my feed.
Where does the money go? It goes towards keeping the blog going (hosting costs, running costs, that kind of thing), paying my fantastic illustrator Stuart, and paying the amazing guest bloggers who – I think – make this blog a gazillion times better than it’d be otherwise. The rest goes towards me, and the food, electricity, books and other things that I buy. Any time you click on a banner ad, or post link, and buy discount sex toys, you’re helping me do all this, and I’m incredibly grateful.
This is more of a note than a blog post – I’d have done it in a better way but I’m surprisingly bad at wrangling WordPress. Normal blogging service will resume tomorrow, with something incredibly dirty and submissive that I’ve had in draft for a while.
Here’s why ‘klittra’ isn’t a great word for female masturbation
What’s your commute to work like? Is it one of those normal ones where you get on a bus or train or into a fancy-pants car? Or is it a female commute? Do you eat breakfast, or female breakfast? When you take a piss, is it just, like, a regular piss or do you partake in female urination?
Today someone tweeted me a link to an article ‘what do you call female masturbation?‘ As you might be able to tell I have some Thoughts On This Topic.
In answer to the question: wanking. I call it wanking. Sometimes I will try to mix it up by talking about a hand-shandy or rubbing one out. If I’m feeling particularly coy, then I may refer to it as ‘alone time’ or taking a ‘freelancer’s nap.’ But in general, I rarely refer to what I do on my own with a sleazy fantasy and a fistful of glass dildo as ‘female masturbation.’
The article was about the new word ‘klittra’ – an invented word, being promoted by the Swedish Association for Sexual Education, because “If we don’t have a word in the language, how can we even talk about it?”
Hmm…
Please never worry about your strange O face
I once knew a guy with the best orgasm face in the entire world. He really let himself go – screwing up his eyes, opening his mouth, and tensing seemingly every muscle he had. It was sexy, and utterly involuntary, as if his orgasm was being milked out of his dick even as he tried to hold it back. Hot as fuck.
My own? I have no idea – many’s the time I’ve tried to catch the look on my face at the moment of orgasm – usually when fucking in front of a mirror. Luckily, no guy’s ever caught me doing this. Unluckily, like Scroedinger’s cat, the very act of observing it will alter its state. Just as you can never take an un-posed selfie, so you can never look at your own face at the point of climax without either killing the orgasm or making subtle changes to your own expression.
I used to worry deeply about my orgasm face. Occasional comments from guys that I looked, you know, like I’d simultaneously been electrocuted and handed a winning lottery ticket, meant that I feared killing the sexiest moments with a face like the winner of a gurning championship. For some reason this occasionally translated into closing my eyes for a fairly large proportion of a shag. Like a toddler who believes they can’t see you if you can’t see them – I’d assume that my partner would follow the cues and close their eyes too.