Bring me tequila and your dick

Life is hard and haunted. The world is a mess, I am a mess. But I cannot just focus on the darkness and the panic: in order to keep driving forwards through the tricky stuff, I need to fill my tank with occasional joy. So I text a guy I vaguely know and I ask him to bring me tequila. And his dick.

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Guest blog: The power of music and memories

Music and memories: some songs have such a powerful connection to certain memories that I cannot hear them without getting horny. Or sad. Or excited about someone I haven’t seen for years. I’ve talked before about what music can do – from putting you off shagging if a terrible track comes off on a sex playlist to making me want to use your cock just cos I did so the last time this song came on. Today, I’m delighted to welcome back an incredible guest blogger – @OxyFromSg who writes erotica with Phedre Sinclair at this blog right here. Here in my little corner of the internet, Oxy has already delighted us with tales of DIY gloryholes and weird wanks – to share some hot memories, and the music that helps bring them out.

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Sexy things to keep you entertained during lockdown

It’s really fucking shit, let’s start with that. Lockdown continues/escalates across the UK, to varying degrees of clusterfuck depending on where you are. One thing is certain: at some point you’ll be trapped at home, bored and miserable and longing for the Before Times. To try and ease the misery, and plug the awesome companies who support my site, here’s a quick rundown of some sexy things to keep you entertained through the oncoming horror show.

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The worst online dating strategy for straight guys

Look look! I’ve found it! After years of sifting through terrible dating ‘systems’ and advice that amounts to ‘treat women like they’re vending machines‘, I think I’ve found the worst online dating strategy of all time. One that misses almost every conceivable mark. Are you ready? Here it is…

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Physical yearning and yo-yo break ups

I used to yo-yo break up with my ex-ex. Number eight. The guy I met at university and loved for many years (whose dark dark eyes and devious filth you can read about in my first book if you’re interested). We had our problems, but we also had our passion. Long, tortured silences in the middle of arguments that would stretch on for what felt like hours, while each of us rummaged in our equally-wordy minds for the perfect phrase that would lift the blanket of sadness. But words can’t always do the work: sometimes, most times, the physical yearning would beat our mouths to the punch, and one of us would reach out to touch the other. That touch would set us both on fire, then we’d fuck like the fucking would fix it.

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  • About Girl on the Net

    Girl on the Net is a London-based sex blogger – she writes explicit sex stories, so please consider this whole site NSFW. Alongside real-life sex stories, expect posts about feminism, porn, mental health, and fascinating fetishes. Now one of the biggest sex blogs in the UK, Girl on the Net began sex blogging in September 2011, so feel free to dig through the archive and find out just how ignorant and/or clumsy she was when she first began. If you're an aspiring sex blogger, check out these tips on how to start a sex blog.