There’s never a bad time to hear this, right? You deserve to be loved. I don’t mean, in a basic way, that you as an individual are entitled to romantic love, or sex or companionship or whatever: those things can only be given freely, if other individuals choose. I mean that you deserve to be treated with love, by those who say they feel it. You deserve to be loved by them in practice, not just words.

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Many years ago I used to write for a website called The Debrief: a magazine-style site run by Bauer Media that has since disappeared. Thanks to my recent sex blogging anniversary (I’ve now been doing this for ELEVEN YEARS!) I’ve been taking a few trips down memory lane and contemplating how lucky I am to have spent so long making a living from what I can only describe as ‘this horny bullshit.’ The Debrief gave me a great start in freelance writing, and my editor allowed me the freedom to do some pretty awesome stuff: writing sex position guides which were entirely gender neutral (a practice that was rare in 2014, and which often got sub-edited back into ‘he’ and ‘she’ if I submitted similar pieces to other magazines); smashing stigma around things like period sex and discharge; writing articles about how to wank in front of someone without feeling like a complete tit; even getting to interview fucking STOYA. You know Stoya? Off of porn? I met her in real life! We chatted for ages about the problems with tube sites and I learned so much from her. I had a blast, that’s the point. And I got paid £100 per article for doing it. All the stuff I wrote for The Debrief disappeared along with the website, but it still exists in my email. And as I’m feeling nostalgic, I thought I’d share one of my faves. This is a piece I wrote in 2014, when I emailed a bunch of my ex partners and asked them to review my performance in bed. You’ve met some of these people on the pages of this blog, and I’ll catch you up on who’s who at the end. Here’s what they thought of my shagging skillz when I popped into their inboxes ten years ago to ask their opinion…

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It’s that time of year again, when I hustle a little to see if any of you would like to come support the audio porn project on Patreon, and encourage you to do it via the medium of shameless bribery. As always, the fabulous Stuart F Taylor who draws such gorgeous art for the blog has designed a kickass sexy Christmas card – I’ll be sending these out as a thank you to any paid supporter who wants one. This year, you also have the opportunity to get an iron-on decal so you can customise a t-shirt, pair of knickers, or other item of clothing – woo! These are also designed by Stuart, and I am beyond thrilled with how cool they look on clothes! I recommend you wear said item of clothing on a date to impress and delight your partner. To get a card, you only need to give me $2/£2. To get a decal, $6/£5.50. And as well as getting the merch, you also get a tonne of extra bonus content, plus the joy of knowing that you’re helping me and my team of incredible guests bring more glorious audio smut into the world…

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This fantasy is written and read aloud as audio by Blake (aka Pandora Blake) who runs the incredible Dreams of Spanking website. Blake is one of my adult industry heroes – they create fabulous queer, kinky content, fight against industry censorship, and they’re also one of the first people I ever worked with in this industry. I owe so much of my knowledge and passion to them. A while ago Blake and I collaborated on a couple of really fun interviews – you can find one half on my Patreon here and the other on Blake’s Patreon over here. As part of that collaboration we also exchanged a few audio porn stories to be published on each other’s websites. I shared some of my spankier fantasies with Dreams, and they shared some stunning spanking fantasy erotica with me as well. On top of this, Blake very kindly let me publish this fantastic extract from the first draft of their book on erotic fantasies. It’s dark and raw and – thanks to Patreon terms and conditions – impossible to publish over there or as part of the Patreon-funded audio project. Hence why it’s going up here in the guest blog slot. I’m so honoured that Blake is up for sharing this piece, and I hope that reading or listening to it gives you a taste of why I’m such a fan of their style: embracing and accepting the taboo things that our sexual selves often desire, while understanding the clear line between our fantasies and reality. Note that this story includes themes of implied non-consent and sex slavery, bondage, severe corporal punishment and penetration – particularly anal penetration with a biological cock. 

Impossible fantasies

Our earliest fantasies often have so much longevity because they arose during a time characterised by intense pubescent longing. Our first crushes, the first glimpses of another person which turned us on – all these are memories of wanting something we couldn’t have.

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This gorgeous femdom dating fantasy is written and read beautifully by The Barefoot Sub, and originally appeared on her website. Note that it contains pain, spunk-milking and pegging.

Dating, what a nuisance it is. Or maybe it’s the looking for a date that I find so awful? Having to network, usually online, initially before meeting for a coffee at a neutral location. So much posturing, posing, preening. Being vulnerable and allowing others to see the real ‘you’ appears to be actively discouraged. So very far removed from who I am, not to mention being the opposite of what I want in a partner. That all changed when I met you.

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