Sorry to break it to you, gang, but it’s nearly Valentine’s Day. To those of you smug wankers with ideas and gifts and confidence that your love will enjoy what you’ve already planned, I say ‘piss off.’ This post is for people who only just realised that it’s nearly Valentine’s Day and feeling worried because they might be expected to do/buy something but have absolutely no ideas at all.

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Sometimes orgasms are elusive, and other times they’re addictive. But what if you don’t know whether you’ve had one or not? Today’s guest blogger, Ilex, is here to share a story about discovering orgasms long after you’ve discovered sex, and how learning to orgasm later in life has affected her outlook on sex. Oh, and share an intensely hot threesome fantasy at the same time… enjoy!

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Do you want to try out one of my site sponsor Hot Octopuss’ powerful, brilliant sex toys? Do you fancy getting paid to write about your experience with it? Read on! Hot Octopuss is delivering some sex toy joy this lockdown, and I’m going to pay you to share your stories about the fun you’ve had with their awesome bullet vibes and dick vibes…

Lockdown sex toy joy: what’s on offer

• One Amo bullet vibrator (one of my personal faves)
• One PULSE SOLO ESSENTIAL penis vibrator (it literally wanks you off hands-free, from flaccid)
• One JETT (likewise: hands-free wanking for dicks, using really kickass ‘Treble and Bass’ technology)

Hot Octopuss will send one of each of these toys out to a different person, then all you have to do is have fun with it and write 800-ish words about your experience. I’ll then pay you a guest blog fee of £20.

What you need to do

Send me a brief email [hellogirlonthenet at gmail dot com] with the subject line ‘Toy joy pitch’ and tell me:

• which toy you’d like to try out
• what your angle in the piece would be (think ‘I’ve never used a penis vibrator before’ or ‘I want to try edging my partner with a bullet vibe’ or ‘I want to have phone sex while wearing the JETT.’
• the name you’d like to be published under and any links (if you’d like them included) to your own blog/site/socials

As ever, I am not looking for sex toy reviews. I don’t need you to give these toys marks out of ten, or tell people how to use them or what they do: I want you to tell me the sexy scenes you’d like to play/positions you’d like to use them in/scenarios in which you reckon you’ll have the most fun.

Please send your pitch emails before Feb 12th. I will get back to you by Feb 16th.

If you’re successful

If your pitch is chosen, I’ll ask you for your name and address so that Hot Octopuss can send you out your toy, then ask for you to send me your write-up within one month of you receiving it.

Please only apply if you intend to write about the toy, and if you’re happy for your post to be published here on the site! 

 

Today’s guest blogger is Zoe, who writes a travel blog over at The Zoeverse (and who you can follow on Twitter, Insta, Facebook and Patreon too). I absolutely loved the idea she pitched me – a filthy hot fantasy about a guy she’d met but not got round to shagging on her travels. I love the idea that outside the Zoeverse, her encounters with people she’s met on her travels live on in her head, as deliciously horny stories such as this one. In this story, Zoe is going to tell you about her Sicilian lover, and a story about talking very dirty indeed…

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Sometimes sponsors ask me to pick toys to review myself, and other times I selflessly ask other writers to test out products for me. When Stuffgoodies told me they’d love to offer a silicone strap-on set for review, I nearly wet myself with excitement at the prospect of publishing a guest blog by someone who really wanted to get pegged with it. Are you curious about pegging? Fancy having a go yourself? The fabulous @CJ_Brook stepped up to the plate to write about getting pegged with a cock that was remarkably similar to his own, and write a super hot guest post about the experience.

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