I absolutely adore guest posts about specific kinks and fetishes – I love hearing what it is about a particular object, character or tone that turns someone on. The more niche it is, the better, as I can delve into the intricacies of what makes a particular thing hot, and find correlations with what turns me on too. So I’m delighted to welcome Harley – @hypno_harlequin on Twitter – to talk about her clown kink. What is it about clowning that appeals? And why does Harley think you could benefit from embracing your inner clown occasionally…?

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I’m having a lot of nightmares at the moment. Don’t feel sorry for me, if I were to write posts purely to gain sympathy I’d find far more interesting things to pin them on. I think the nightmares – like clockwork, at 4am, unless I take a sleeping tablet – are a way of processing a lot of break-up sadness so that during the day I can get on with being my proactive, practical self. They are horrible, but they’re also good in a way because when I wake up I realise that the world holds far more promise and possibility than my dreaming brain would have me believe. I also reckon I’m not the only one who has struggled with some of this after a break up so I thought I’d get some decent content out of ranking them from best to worst. Here are my top 4 break-up nightmares.

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This femdom tease and denial story, by Floss Liddell, originally appeared on her website. It is read aloud here by Tabitha Rayne. 

I’ve got sex toys. I’ve got porn, or my sexy imagination depending on my mood. The ambience is set, the lube is out. I’ve got everything, except for the orgasm. It’s time to admit defeat. I’m bored and I know the reason why. I’ve got a better toy, a bigger toy, a living, breathing, all mine sex toy of a boy. That is what I need.

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What I’m looking for in a vibrator depends very much on my current state of mind. Sometimes I’m after a vigorously efficient orgasm that rockets into my life and makes me feel like I’ve been run over by a sexy freight train – during those times I’d reach for my Doxy. If what I’m looking for instead is a precision wank, where all the pleasure is directed to exactly the right spot on my clit, concentrated and magnified like a shaft of sunlight that eventually bursts into flame: Zumio. If I need something guaranteed to make me come nice and hard around a dick I’m fucking, the vibe I’ll slip into my lover’s hand then press tightly against my clit is the Hot Octopuss Amo. Unfortunately for the great people at We-Vibe, when they sent me the brand new Nova 2, what I was looking for in a vibrator was something that could help me forget that I just broke up with the man I love, in the middle of a pandemic, financially fucking myself over and effectively ripping out my own heart. It had – to put it mildly – one hell of a job to do.

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This job isn’t all wanking and audio porn – sometimes it involves a lot of boring admin. But one of the nice things about it is that even on the dullest of days, when I’m buried in spreadsheets and invoices, I can receive two incredible messages barely an hour apart from men telling me how fun it is to watch their jizz bounce on the vibrating pad of a sex toy. One was via DM from the lovely CJBrook_, who (correctly) surmised I might be interested in ‘what effect the inside vibrating pad has on a load of spunk’, and the other came in this glorious review. If you’re curious about dick vibrations, and specifically the unique, thrumming intensity of the Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo Essential (keyword for Google – did you spot it?), then I hope you enjoy this delightfully fun account of my anonymous guest blogger’s first ever Pulse wank.

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