I could show you how to fuck me till I come, if you really want me to. You don’t need to perform or practice or keep an eye out for the sexy faces I make, reading them like I’m an ancient text you need to try and decipher. If you want to fuck me till I come, I can show you.
It’ll start with missionary, and stay that way for ages. You between my legs, thrusting in and out in firm, slow strokes. That’s key: firm and slow. Almost robotically predictable. A rhythm I can get my head round, and a speed I can match to the tight squeezes of my cunt – in and squeeze, so I feel how deep the head of your cock is sliding in. Out and relax, to get ready for the next stroke.
I can show you how to fuck me till I come, if you like. It will mean my hands resting firmly on your arse, pulling you in at just the right angle. My feet planted firmly either side of you on the bed, knees up and legs braced so I can join in with the rhythm. I cannot stress this enough: the rhythm. Slow and firm. The kind of fuck you’d have to the song ‘Hungry Eyes’ from Dirty Dancing: steady and predictable. Slow and firm. For want of a better word: boring.
Fuck me till I come, but am slightly bored
If you want to fuck me till I come, there are lots of things we’ll have to ignore or brush past: the spanking and the moaning and the talking and those moments when you grab me and flip position, in that filthy-sexy way you do when you’ve got a new idea. Instead you have to moan a little, but let me stay silent if I want to. Close my eyes if I want to. Focus and concentrate and block out everything but that sensation of your cock sliding in – firm and slow – and the angle at which I’m holding my hips to make sure it hits the right spots.
We’ll have to set aside the desire for you to come, if you really want me to come. Because there might come a point when I tell you that the firm, slow strokes aren’t enough on their own, and I need you to sit up and back, giving me space between our bodies to apply a Zumio.
And no, sorry, you don’t get to hold it. Keep up with the firm, slow strokes, but under no circumstances should you move or touch the vibe I’m applying to exactly the right place. You cannot possibly understand where it needs to be, because you cannot feel what I feel – that pinpoint, laser-targeted, exactly-the-perfect spot. It has to go there, and only there: not a millimetre out. If you really want me to come.
But this is why, if you tell me you want me to come, or look at me with expectation partway through a fuck… I lose my mojo. When you… perform… I lose my mojo. I don’t want you to perform for me, I want you to fuck me.
Do what feels good to you, and let out the noises that feel right at the time, and let the ideas flow and your kinks spill out so I get to see those little flashes of excitement when you say ‘can I…?’ and I say ‘yes, God yes.’ Grip me tight and flip me over and make me hold position, call me a dirty girl and give it to me exactly as hard or as gently or as swiftly or slowly as you want it at the time. Not ‘firm and slow’ unless that’s what makes you hard right now.
Come for me, but I might not come for you
I am fully aware of how unfair this sounds. That I’m telling you to fuck me like you’re wanking, do what feels good on your dick, do what you need to do in order to come yourself… while also telling you that an orgasm isn’t what I particularly want. But sex doesn’t have to be equal in order to be fun. It isn’t a simple tit-for-tat exchange of orgasms. If you’re thinking ‘wait a minute! She wants me to stop caring about her orgasm while putting all the emphasis on mine, that’s not fair!’ then that’s totally understandable. It’s just that we probably aren’t compatible.
Besides, while I’m talking you through this not-quite-guaranteed-but-almost-certain method of making me come, that isn’t to say it’s the only way. It’s just the other ways of making me come all involve you letting go: doing what feels good to you, and letting the filthy ideas that hide in the back of your brain come out to play, saying and doing stuff just because you like it. My cunt likes that, a lot, and I might come. But I’ll probably only come if it isn’t my orgasm you’re chasing.
I could show you how to fuck me till I come, if you really want me to. The missionary, slow-and-firm method above is a pretty safe bet if what you’d like is for sex to end in me coming. But honestly, that kind of sex can’t be the only thing we do. Orgasms are cheap and abundant. I can have five wanks in a day when I’m at home: I’m here with you because wanking doesn’t cut it. I want your grabby hands and hard cock and panting, sweating enthusiasm. I want to hear your moans and see your face and watch our for the spark of excitement when I clench my cunt around you.
A missionary fuck, slow-and-firm, with occasional help from Zumio? That will probably make me come. But a vigorous doggy-style fuck, where you shove a butt plug inside me and beat me till I whimper and call me a good girl and then pull out when you’re close and drench me in your spunk? That might not make me come, because the mechanics aren’t perfect, but I’ll enjoy it more not just while we’re fucking but in the long nights after as I lie in bed and touch myself thinking about that moment you sped up just before you came, or the way you moaned ‘unnngh’ when you splattered cum all over me.
Give me an orgasm, I’ll be happy for a day. Give me a dirty wank bank fuck and it’ll last till the next time we meet.
Every now and then I write some quite personal piece about orgasms during sex, and how I’m not that bothered about my own orgasm because I mostly just want you to come in my cunt. This particular one is a draft from ages ago that I’m digging out because I’m low on ideas this week. Often when I write these kinds of posts people go ‘OMG this absolutely isn’t what women want, what are you doing GOTN?!’ so here’s the disclaimer where I point out that I am not in any way the arbiter of ‘what women want’, only what I want. This post isn’t about how to fuck women, it’s about how to fuck me. This one came off the back of a chat I was having with a friend where she asked me if it was hard to come during casual sex (yes) and whether that makes it less fun (no). So this post is about that, and it is not a manual on ‘how to fuck women’: I am not the spokesperson for all women, in fact women don’t even let me come to their AGMs any more because I get messy drunk on free wine and eat all the vol au vents.