Before I get stuck in, a confession: I had a different blog post lined up for today. It was a silly piece expressing some frustration at horny men who ‘volunteer as tribute’. When I write about how much I love getting fucked, there’s often a random stranger ready to pop up in the comments offering to fulfil my sexual needs. ‘Volunteering as tribute’ to let me wank him off or whatever it might be. Raising his hand, like that’s all that’s ever required.

OMG I just read your blog post about how much you love sucking cock and – weird coincidence, bear with me – it turns out that I have a cock! And what’s more, I really love having it sucked! We should definitely meet up and I can help you out with your problem haha! You like sucking dick? I volunteer as tribute!

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The next chapter of this story happens when I’m probably in the middle of a breakdown. Perhaps it’s the way my life has been lately – an agony of paranoia and mistrust – that’s causing me to make some dodgy decisions. But this particular decision led to something good, I think. As helpful as it can be to hear ‘I love you’ in times of hardship, ‘I trust you’ healed my heart right now.

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If you missed the first part, here’s an overview: I had a test date with a blog reader, “Jack”, who took me up on my offer to do a phone chat and message exchange then give him feedback on where he might be going wrong. It was also a challenge for me. I am prone to avoiding constructive critique because I’m a rampant people-pleaser who never wants to upset anybody. Would I be able to tell Jack where he was going wrong without burying anything useful in a torrent of consoling positivity? Let’s see, shall we?

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Love does not write in pencil on your heart, it’s permanent. Impossible to erase. Sure, it might one day turn to hatred or disgust, like fresh wounds becoming twisted scars long after they were first carved into your flesh. But you don’t forget it easily. Love can change and it can die, you can lose it or throw it away or cure yourself of the cravings for it like a powerful addiction… but you can’t just erase it altogether.

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When I posted the following offer, I didn’t expect anyone to take me up on it: “I have no Valentine’s plans so am considering lining up phone dates… I’ll date you then explain why you’re failing. Tempted?” But somebody did! A dude who genuinely wanted to get better at dating, and asked for my help to pinpoint where he might be going wrong. Here’s what happened when I had a test date with a blog reader.

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