Tag Archives: advice

Men explain things to me: examples from 2016

I’m a woman on the internet, so men explain things to me. They’re usually well-meaning. They want to help me out with an issue they have spotted, or give me the lowdown on something they think I should know. However, they also often assume a certain lack of knowledge on my part, around topics that I know already.

At the start of 2016, I started collecting examples. Here are a select few of my favourites.

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Get fucked: a pervy girl’s guide

There are plenty of advice articles on how to fuck. They’ll give instructions on what to do, where to touch, and – if you’re lucky – how to find out exactly what will make your partner scream ‘HOLY FUCK YES’ in the middle of an orgasmic spasm.

But I’m a connoisseur of a role that’s often painted as ‘passive’: I like to fuck, but more than that I like to get fucked. And there are many different, active ways to get fucked: it’s not just a case of lying there like a cat that’s got some particularly salty cream. Let me take you through a few filthy examples…

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How do I know if you’re my boyfriend?

Relationships are often full of uncertainty. We meet someone we like, we fall for them, and we wonder – what exactly are they to me? Boyfriend? Girlfriend? Fuck buddy? Lover? Person-I’m-dating-temporarily? The good people – the ones who are decent and kind and open and trustworthy – will either know what you are or they’ll help you work it out. You’ll have those giggling deep conversations over a bottle of wine or a pot of coffee at 8 am, and you’ll say:

“What are we, exactly? Lovers, fuck buddies, boyfriends or…?”

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Pavlov’s blow job

Before I suck dick, I take out my lip ring. I haven’t always done this – some guys used to enjoy the extra sensation, so I’d leave it in. Others felt it made very little difference – a blow job’s a blow job, right? – so I wouldn’t bother taking it out before I began. But my current partner prefers his blow jobs au naturel, so I take out my lip ring. And in doing so, I’ve inadvertently managed to achieve a bizarre sexual ambition.

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Can you get round a porn block?

Do you know how to get round a porn block? If your immediate thought here involved something like a VPN or Tor, then congratulations: it sounds like should your government implement a porn block you’ll have a reasonable idea how to circumvent it. However, can I ask that you please please please stop telling me on Twitter that you how to get around a porn block? Allow me to explain why.

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