Tag Archives: advice

Valentine’s Day gifts to buy for yourself because you’re great

Every year I try to write something about how Valentine’s Day is mostly a bundle of gendered expectation and obligation wrapped in a parcel of guilt. That doesn’t stop it being fun for some people (and nor should it), but hopefully it does help people who feel shit about the whole thing to feel a little less shit and a little more like it doesn’t really matter. But I’m a sex blogger, so if I don’t write anything about Valentine’s Day I’ll get letters. So, as a compromise I’ve written a guide to things you can buy as Valentine’s Day gifts for yourself. Hoard them, enjoy them, publicly propose to them if you want to, just don’t give them to anyone else: there are other gift guides for that.


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The President’s Club, MeToo and a difficult conversation

Two things I believe to be true in the wake of the #MeToo movement. Firstly, that many men have been put in positions of power over women, which they have abused to varying degrees. Secondly, that this is at least partly a result of the way our society teaches men to behave. The former statement is accusatory: there are men who have done bad things. The second is explanatory: here is a reason why they do those things. The former sounds like a blanket condemnation, while the latter feels uncomfortably like an excuse. But if I believe both these things to be true, how do I go about having a conversation with men I love about sexual violence and consent?

This post will naturally discuss consent, sexual assault and other similar things. I’ve tried to avoid going into gruesome detail and simply linked out to full accounts/reporting where possible. 


Reasons I have not replied to your message

We live in anxious times, soundtracked by the constant, incessant ping of phones and laptops. Notifications are everywhere, bleeping and flashing and demanding a response. So how do we deal with it? Some people probably just switch their phones off or put them in a different room. People like me, though, write blog posts trying to explain ourselves to others in a desperate attempt to either make them forgive me or make them leave me alone. So with good and bad, selfish and silly and paranoid and everything in between, here are a few reasons I have not replied to your message.


Please don’t share that dick pic

There are lots of reasons why you shouldn’t share pictures of your own dick with people who haven’t expressly asked to see it. This subject has been covered so much now that I hope those who have dicks understand exactly how not to be a dick about nude selfies/dick pics etc. But today I’m not talking to these people: I’m talking to people who receive dick pics and share them publicly because they want to shame the person who sent them. Brace yourselves because this might be a little bit controversial, but I’m hoping by the end of it I can persuade one or two of you that publishing someone else’s dick pic – however good your intentions – is not a good idea.


Sexy link roundup: New Year’s reflections, sterilisation and bum coffee

First SoSS (Share Our Shit Saturday)/sexy link roundup of 2018 contains some advice on how to reflect as the New Year begins, a story that just made me happy, and a little ‘WTF?’ in the form of unusual enemas. Click the headings to read the full posts, and enjoy the bonus segment as well if you like funny, feminist news shows.