When men are sexist, the least I can do is tell them not to be. I should say ‘nope’ or ‘fuck off’ or ‘are you shitting me?’ – sexist men deserve challenging responses. The last thing they deserve is for me to play along. Smile and nod and say ‘haha yes’, before sidling away and then kicking myself later. That’s the last thing they deserve, but it’s sometimes what I do.
Brace yourselves, because I want to make an argument that isn’t made that often. I want to explain why rejection can be a valuable gift. Often, rejection is good for you. I’m not just talking here about sex mistakes you could avoid – get rejected by a hot person who later turns out to be awful, for instance. I’m talking about what ‘no’ actually means, and why often someone’s ‘no’ is far more precious than a ‘yes.’
I don’t know how to deal with harassment on public transport. I’ve been harassed on buses and tubes, I’ve read lots of advice on what should and shouldn’t be done. And I want, desperately, to be the kind of person who can step up and intervene if I see it happening. But I get it wrong. I’ve sometimes successfully helped out, other times I will try to say something and – heart hammering and adrenaline pumping – I will say the wrong thing, say it too quietly, or phrase it badly, and make a terrible situation worse.
This week’s guest blog is about that – intervening in harassment. It’s not about being a hero or getting everything right, and I think that’s why it touched me so much. It’s about not knowing what to do, but knowing that you have to do something.
I’m 5′ 11”. In my life, I have slept with a fair few men, most of whom were the same height as, or taller than me. Am I horribly shallow? No, not really. But I can tell you that as a tall girl it’s genuinely quite difficult to find shorter guys who are actually willing to fuck me.
Of those who might be up for a shag, many have spent a long time making excruciatingly tedious comments about how massive I am, or listing ways in which I need to slightly adjust (take off heels, slouch a bit, sit down) in order to meet with their approval. That tends to put me off a bit, to be honest.
There are any number of sex writers who’ll tell you how to achieve the ultimate, mind-blowing, amazing orgasm. Unfortunately, the way your body works may not be the same as the way mine works, so I can’t promise you stars and explosions and earth moving unless you happen to be formed in exactly the same way I am.
What I can do though is tell you that the other day I had the Best Orgasm I Have Ever Had, along with some lurid and sticky detail.