A friend of mine recently quizzed me on what I think about while shagging. Or, more specifically, who.
I’m drawing a blank, I’m afraid. I mean, it’s not like I go unconscious as soon as I get my kit off, but in terms of mental energy I don’t think I have more than is required to focus on what’s happening at any given moment. I’m not saying this to boast about how amazingly focused I am on sex – I don’t think ‘thinking about a celebrity arse’ is some sort of crime, for which you get a tick in the ‘bad sex’ column. I just don’t happen to do it.
Other people do though, apparently, at least according to my friend who – while humping a guy she didn’t really get that excited by – has lived a full and rich mental life in which she’s performed sex acts on most of her favourite TV stars and a few of mine to boot.
I’m curious, because I am curious about most Sex Things – is it fairly common for people to think about others when they’re shagging? Like watching porn while you wank to help you reach a climax? I’ve no problem fantasising per se – in fact there are so many characters in my wank dreams that I might have to start an imaginary union so they can fight for equal screen time – but when I’m fucking I’m just fucking.
I don’t buy the argument that people who let their minds wander are horrible bastards, either. As far as I know, none of my partners have been imagining Cameron Diaz’s face superimposed over mine (apart from anything else I imagine the incongruity would be deeply offputting) but I suspect none of them would tell me if they had because, after all, I am prone to being irrationally jealous if I’m in the wrong mood.
I just think… argh. I just think maybe when I’m having a proper shag there’s a part of my brain that shuts down – the part which plagues me with panic and stress for the rest of the waking day. The anxious part I usually hate takes a rest and steps back to let sensation through.
Things I don’t think while fucking
– Imagine if my partner was [insert name of hot celebrity]
– Imagine if [insert name of hot celebrity] were here in the room, masturbating frantically in the corner and occasionally shouting ‘bravo!’
– We should paint the ceiling.
– This guy’s cock is larger/smaller/straighter/curvier than this other guy’s cock.
– I should call my Mum.
Things I think while fucking
– Ooh, that’s nice.
– Yeah, like that.
– Harder still.
– More lube.
Occasionally, if my mind is particularly active, I wonder what my tits look like from below.
Thinking of someone else in bed – do you do it?
So this isn’t one of those blog posts where I have a massive rant, or tell you a hot story about this one time I fucked a guy while fantasising about Sid Vicious. It’s curiosity, I guess. I’d quite like to have the mental energy to conjure a scene during sex.
Mainly I wonder what would come to mind. When I’m cracking a quick one off just to relieve tension, I tend to leap straight for one of my easier, go-to fantasies. I’m wondering if, during sex, the people in my head would do the things I was doing in bed. If, instead of beatings and pounding and the kind of fuck that in real life would leave me raw, the people in my mind would do what the guy I’m with is doing. If they’d bite my nipples at the same time as he does. If the fantasy would match the sensation, just with a different face.
I suspect it’d be the other way round. If I had the capacity to fantasise while I was in the middle of a fuck, it’d look more like a window about thirty seconds into the future. I imagine him – the guy I’m fucking – but he’s fucking me just that bit harder. He’s moved his hands and is no longer gripping my tits, but he’s got them firmly on my hips, angling my arse up for better entry as he slams his cock home.
And as I get closer to orgasm in real life, and want to push myself over the edge, the version of him in my fantasy is halfway there already – pulling his cock out and coming on my tits.
Or my arse.
Fuck it, if it’s in my head then surely it can be both. Clones and clones of this guy – in me, on me, and all over me.