One of the most popular posts this year was the one on wank fantasies, which I wrote for Masturbation Month. That surprised me because it was mostly just me allowing my dirty mind to spill out a load of random snippets of porn. But seeing as people seemed to enjoy that, I’ve been prompted to do a similar thing this week – write some sexy Christmas fantasies, and in lieu of a Christmas gift guide, give you tips on sponsor products/websites that can help you to fulfil them. Pick your favourite fantasy, have a wank if you’re so inclined, then consider buying someone (or yourself) a Christmas gift or two from the recommendations that come with each story. These fabulous companies sponsor my website, so it’s thanks to them that I can keep churning out more filth for you all – if you’re happy to click through to their sites and support them in return, I really appreciate it.

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Waterloo station. Bottom of the escalator, going up. Brunette, mid-thirties, backpack full of last-minute Christmas presents. The last time she fucked was yesterday – a quick make-up shag after a week of loneliness. He slipped out of her just as he started to come, and she conjures the memory of the wetness spreading on the inside of her thighs, and tries not to let the other commuters see her smile.

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As snow falls on the ground outside, she reaches out to him in the darkness and whispers: “Talk to me. Tell me something sexy.” He shifts a little to draw her closer, pressing his warm skin against her own. Bringing his lips close to her face, he ponders the things most likely to turn her on.

“I’ve finished writing all the Christmas cards,” he says. “All you need to do is sign them.”

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It’s that time of year again! You know the one, where you run around shopping centres or scroll listlessly through Amazon hoping inspiration might strike. If you’re a bit like me, you’ll be a very last-minute shopper. If you’re a lot like me, you’ll be thinking ‘shit, I have to get my other half something really good because last year he got me a selection of thoughtful treats and I just panic-bought some Lego Technic.’ Fear not. If you’re shopping for someone you’re boning, I’ve compiled a selection of some of my sex product highlights from 2018: NSFW Christmas gifts that come with my personal seal of lust.

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This post is heavily BDSM-focused, and includes things like extreme pain, spanking, humiliation and some themes of consensual non-consent. If that’s not your thing please don’t read on. If that is your thing, welcome to the inside of my head…

This Christmas I want to be your gift to someone else. Tied up tight in rope instead of ribbon. Bent, spread, and sworn to silence. I want you to strap me with a belt to make me meek and compliant, prepare me so I look just how you want me to: then I want you to give me to someone else.

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