Guest blog: Santa only comes once a year…

Image courtesy of the fabulous (and festive) Molly Moore

Every time Christmas rolls round, I feel terrible that I am unable to produce a saucy Santa story for your enjoyment. I’ve done a story about being unwrapped like a gift, a cute(ish) story about heading home for the holidays, and a Christmas gang bang, but nothing that features the King of Presents himself. I think I just struggle to get into a sexy Santa headspace. Luckily, this year, Tony has stepped in to bring a bit of festive magic, with a genderflipped Santa and an ethereal Christmas party shag…

Santa only comes once a year…

‘Come over, there’s loads of women here, you might have a chance at pulling.’ I wasn’t sure if my friend Jessie had intended a back-handed compliment when she rang to invite me to a party she had gatecrashed. I was pretty knackered but I thought, what the hell, it’s Christmas Eve and even the slightest possibility of a Christmas shag was enough to get my bells jingling. It had been a year to the day since I’d last had sex and I was beginning to wonder if I ever would again.

It only took a little while to realise that Jessie had managed to invite me to what was probably the only Christmas party where everyone was in a couple, and the only adventures anyone was interested in were new ways to do the sprouts the next day. Never mind, I thought, I’ll have a mince pie, finish my drink and get going. And just as I thought that, into into the party walked Santa Claus, or at least what Santa Claus might look like if you genderflipped him, then sexed him up a bit. OK, a lot.

This Santa had a fur trimmed red hat, fake beard, and a tunic which left a couple of inches of milky white thighs showing over the top of of black hold-up stockings. The tunic was struggling to contain a fantastic looking cleavage, and despite its heroic efforts, it looked like it might fail at any second. Even from the other side of the room I could tell she wasn’t wearing one of those cheap crap ‘sexy Santa’ costumes. What she was wearing looked well-made and expensive. Everyone in the room had turned to stare at her.

I caught her eye as she gazed round the room, dazzling ice blue eyes and pure white hair – not blonde, but white as snow. She had pale skin with rosy cheeks. She strode into the room, took a glass of whisky out of someone’s hand, downed it in one and handed the empty glass back. Ignoring the indignant protestations she took a mince pie out of someone else’s hand, took a bite and put the rest down on a table as she passed. I was still chuckling at her audacity as she finished her journey across the room and stopped right in front of me.

She looked me up and down. She had an otherworldly beauty and almost seemed to be glowing in the low light of the party.

‘So,’ she said ‘you’re on my nice list but just for tonight I think I’m going to move you to the naughty one.’

I was so overwhelmed by her presence I couldn’t speak. I stared into the intense blue of her eyes and all the clever and witty things I would have liked to say to her evaporated under her gaze. I finally managed to blurt out ‘OK!’. She grabbed me by the wrist and strode out of the room. The bathroom was off the hall and there were people queuing. The door opened and as the occupant came out she walked straight past her, ignoring the protests of the queue, pulling me in behind and locking the door.

She undid her belt and opened her tunic. She was naked beneath, her skin pale and her nipples as pink as her cheeks. Her bush was as white as her hair. I’d never seen completely white pubic hair before and I gazed at it in wonder. ‘Now’ she said, as she unbuckled my belt ‘tell me what you want from Santa’.

‘I… I… I want to fuck you’ I stammered.

Good boy,’ she said and pulled me close and kissed me. Her fake beard was ticklish, her lips were cool to the touch and my fingers tingled as I ran them over her chilly flesh. Her hand closed around my cock and it was cold as she stroked me slowly and firmly, but her icy touch just made me harder.

She perched on the sink in the corner of the bathroom and opened her legs. Her cunt was as pink as her nipples, a promise of warmth in the snowy landscape of her thighs. She spread her lips with one hand and – the other still wrapped around my shaft – pulled me closer, rubbing the tip of my cock up and down her pussy lips until I could feel her warmth and wetness spreading over me. I don’t know if it was the booze or the heat of her cunt or the strange cool sensation of her skin, but I began to feel slightly lightheaded as she guided me inside her.

I fucked her as hard as I could. She pushed her hips forward and gripped me firmly, her fingers digging painfully into my arms. Her breathing quickened into gasps and I could feel her cunt tightening around my cock. She was gripping me so tightly and kissing me with such desperation that it made me wonder if it had been as long for her as it had been for me and the urgency turned me on even more. She braced herself against the wall and the door frame and started to tremble and her breath was coming in harder and faster gasps now, she was holding on even tighter, eyes screwed tight shut.

Suddenly she put a hand on my cheek and locked eyes and we both froze, the tip of my cock on the out stroke, nestled at the entrance to her pussy. As she stared at me I felt a longing in her fiery blue gaze of a depth and intensity I had never felt before. I could feel a familiar tingling at the base of my cock.

‘I want your come for Christmas,’ she whispered, so I slid back inside her and gave her what she wanted, pumping my jizz into her cunt as we came together in a hungry, shuddering climax.

I held onto her, breathing heavily. I’d never had an orgasm like it and I could barely believe this ethereal creature had chosen to have sex with me. I noticed that her skin was still strangely cool. We stood for a while, slowly regaining our breath and ignoring the people knocking on the door. Then she climbed off my cock and started to do up her tunic and belt.

When she was dressed she kissed me on the cheek and said ‘Happy Christmas, got to rush, busy night.’

‘Oh, right’ I said, ‘er… can I see you again?’

‘Maybe next year if you’ve been good,’ she replied ‘Santa only comes once a year, remember?’

And she smiled wistfully, then unlocked the door and was gone, leaving the toilet queue staring in horror as I stood there with my dripping cock and trousers round my ankles.

I pulled my pants up and ran after her. The front door had been left open and I followed her out. It was snowing, and the footprints leading out to the street and round behind the tall garden hedge were already beginning to disappear. I slipped and fell hard on my arse. I lay there for a moment, trying to work out how much (if at all) I had hurt myself, and from the other side of the hedge I heard Santa’s voice…

‘Fuck’s sake Rudolph – do you have to take a crap everywhere we stop?’

Then there was a clattering thunderous noise, and a whooshing sound mixed with sleigh bells that faded quickly into the cold night air. Something bright streaked across the sky above me, moving far too quickly for me to see what it was.

I got to my feet and made my way carefully up the path and round the hedge, then stood and stared in open-mouthed wonder at the tracks of hoof prints and sleigh runners in the snow. Steaming slowly in the moonlight was a pile of what could quite easily have been reindeer shit.

From inside the party Noddy Holder was, not for the first time, announcing to everybody that Christmas was here and a distant peal of church bells confirmed he was right, it was indeed Christmas Day. I smiled to myself.

‘Happy Christmas,’ I thought with a grin, ‘only three hundred and sixty four days till Santa comes again.’



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