I’m not going to tell you about the first time I shagged this guy. I might in a later post, but not right now. By way of backstory, I’ll just explain that I’ve known him online for a while, and recently we ran into each other and fucked. It was extremely fun – so fun that we did it again the next day. I’m not going to tell you about that now, though, because after we’d finished round one, as his spunk was drying on my face, he asked “are you gonna write about me?” with such eager, puppydog energy that I thought it would be fun to make him wait. However, once I’d returned home (after washing my face, naturally), I did get the urge to write this. Publishing it might seem like a bold move for a woman who may never see this guy again, but fuck it: he has a kink that I’d dearly love to flesh out in my wank bank. If you’ve ever shagged a rich person hoping for a ride in their fancy car, you might understand a little of my motivation here: I really want a go on this guy’s kink. It’s the Porsche I’ve looked longingly at but never had a chance to properly drive. Something so gutpunch-wank-bank fascinating to me that I reckon its worth potentially embarrassing myself for. So instead of writing a true account of the first time we fucked, I’m gonna tell you what I’d do if I got the chance to hang out with him again. Here are some questions I’d love to ask of the man I have only fucked twice.

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Here’s something that has never happened to me in the whole of my slutty life: after a fuck, a guy pulls his dick out of me and shuffles down the bed, so as to get a better view of all the cum dripping out of my freshly-fucked cunt. Never happened. Ever. This is the shining truth at the heart of why I hate the term ‘creampie’.

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Sluts, eh? We’re incorrigible. No sooner do we read about someone holding their spunk in for 30 days in order to deliver an epic cum shot than we’re persuading people in our own lives to try abstinence so we can experience an epic load of our own. That’s what happened in this week’s guest blog, as the frankly heroic @girlinjail – after reading about how my toyboy gallantly partook in No Nut November and then painted my insides with jizz – persuaded the husband in a couple she’s fucking to try abstaining from orgasm so that she could experience an entire month’s worth of cum. You’ve met this couple – Mike and Elly – before, when Girl in Jail persuaded them to try jump-humping (another heroic endeavour which resulted in that rocket-fuel hot guest blog). And you’ve also read some of GJ’s other adventures too, when she tried out the Electrastim KIX. Now you get to join me in falling at her feet to worship her newest and sexiest guest post: the culmination of Mike’s abstinence, as Elly watches Girl in Jail get covered in a month’s worth of cum. Truly, honestly: we are not fucking worthy.

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It’s pitch black in my bedroom. Weirdly, so much darker than it usually is. Perhaps a streetlight is out, or maybe I’ve finally managed the perfect seal on my blackout curtains, so not a sliver of London night sneaks through. Either way, it’s dark. He’s lying naked next to me, big hands sliding smoothly down my body, soft lips on mine, cock growing hard in my hand. And although I’m going to try and tell you parts of this story in the sexy/atmospheric way in which I’ve begun this post, you’ll have to excuse me if the odd burst of glee breaks through, because on this special night I managed something truly remarkable for me: I gave a guy a hand job to orgasm!

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Second only to blow jobs, I think the most-covered topic on this blog is the joy of watching men wank. I am a masturbation voyeur: there are few things that make me hornier than seeing someone I fancy rubbing vigorously away at their junk, with a precision born of years of practice coupled with an urgent need to come. Recently, I got to watch an extremely hot guy do this and just after he’d come I tried to explain to him – with breathless and grateful awe – the exact moment when the wank he’d shown me turned from ‘hot’ to ‘transcendent.’

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