Note: this post contains minor spoilers for the filthy scenes in Saltburn. Which I (obviously) loved. 

I’m not going to do it.

Damn right you’re not going to do it. 

Even though… there isn’t really any harm in doing it?

Don’t you dare do it.

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As regular readers will know, I’m not a fan of writing sex toy reviews like I’m Which? Wank magazine. I prefer to just use them in fun ways and then tell you a sexy story or how they made me feel. Lately I’ve been struggling a bit to come up with new ways to show off the cool products that my sponsors send me, so I offered the latest kickass creation to my top kinky guest blogger instead. And holy fuck am I glad I did! Behold: Jenby Doll sets her creatively filthy mind to road-testing the Vibe Pad, a brand new sex toy from my sponsors Godemiche. In the process showing off just how beautifully this kind of toy can be used in power-play scenarios. Huge thanks to both Jenby and Star for their incredible work on this super hot post!

Note: this piece contains age play and use of ‘Mummy’ as an honorific but all participants are well over the age of 18. Also features latex, gags, restraints, collars, degradation and dollification.

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This gorgeous strap on fantasy is written and read by Euphemise This, and originally appeared on her website. 

She had waited excitedly for the postie to arrive and, now that the parcel was in her hands, thoughts of her upcoming hot date became incredibly vivid in her mind. She had selected next-day delivery so that there was time for testing before use, and couldn’t hide her smile as she signed for the package. Taking the tissue-wrapped treasures out of their box, she realised that the alone time necessary to test everything out definitely couldn’t wait until the evening.

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Interrupting the regular schedule of having big wanks and telling you all about my lovely boyfriend to bring you news that a load of my sponsor companies are doing deals for Black Friday, so if you’d like to buy sex toys or other hot things, now’s a good time. Buying through the links here helps to support my site and make it so I can continue bringing you audio porn, sex stories, and occasional rants. Black Friday sex toy deals from sponsors, let’s go…

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Hooray for science! This week’s fantastic guest blog, by Jocket, has exactly the kind of wanking detail that a sex nerd like me gets ridiculously excited about. Not only has he tried out a bunch of different masturbation sheaths (across a range of brands), but he’s done a deep-dive into one of the best sleeves (made by my site sponsor Godemiche) and ranked every possible textured iteration of their OffBeat toy based on what feels best on his dick. WHAT A HERO. Take it away Jocket…

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