For a writer, I have painfully little imagination. Sometimes things pop into my head – filthy scenarios or interesting characters, or an unusual image that relates to a twist in a story I just can’t quite plot. One day I’d like to be better at writing fiction – to write a book in which the stories are ones I’ve invented rather than lived.
As the sun will rise every morning, so each day an internet commenter will decide that something new is The Worst Thing To Ever Have Happened.
I’m not prone to slagging off commenters – you who join in below the line, adding critique, debate, praise and hilarious jokes about this one time you fell off the bed while fucking – you are a valuable and incredible part of the internet. Sniffy bloggers like me don’t have a monopoly on opinions, and frequently the contribution of thoughtful, awesome people adds loads to a topic, or makes me snort coffee out of my nose when they drop a particularly hilarious pun. Comments are incredibly valuable: I’d be a liar if I told you differently.
But there is one kind of commenter who can fuck utterly off. And it’s someone I had only made passing acquaintance with until I started working for hot porn site Dreams of Spanking. It’s this person:
“Eww. Why on earth would you post two men going at it?”
“Sorry, but this just isn’t my thing AT ALL.”
“What the hell is THAT?”
I know, they’re obvious. They’re easy. They’re prone to laddering. But they’re hot. And I can’t wear fishnets to this day without thinking about urgent, spit-lubed buttsex. Here’s why.