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On your very public discomfort

This one’s going to sound mean. Some of you will be horrified that I can gain so much pleasure from something which, for you, is embarrassing and uncomfortable. But I’m going to put it out there on the off-chance that others not only agree but get a little bit dribbly and cross-eyed at the thought of it.

I like it when you get public erections.

I love to see your cock growing hard through your jeans when we’re sitting on a crowded tube train. I like to watch the fabric stretching as your eyes wander around, trying to settle on something – anything – you can concentrate on to make this go away. I like to whisper inappropriate words to you across the table at dinner, encouraging you to grow hot and bothered. I want to watch as you shuffle uncomfortably in your seat and ask if we can please just wait a bit before we get the bill because you’re not happy standing up yet.

How do you disguise yours?

I used to go out with a guy who had a shoulder-slung man-bag for exactly these occasions. I could get him hard while we were on the train, then he’d sling the bag over his shoulder and position it in front of him, at crotch height, to allow him to disembark with dignity.

It reminds me of teenage boys. Not that teenage boys do it for me now that I’m an adult, of course. I’m with the grumpy grown-up in the My Chemical Romance song: teenagers scare the living shit out of me. With their haircuts and their impenetrable pop-culture references and their heartbreaking, humiliating youth.

But when I was a teenager myself, teenage boys were the most fascinating thing in the world. The jokes they made about sex that they didn’t quite understand, their overdeveloped right forearms, their desperation to touch – oh please please please – a boob. But above all I loved spotting that gentle rearrangement, that shuffling motion, as they draped a t-shirt or a sweater over their crotch to hide an uncomfortable public boner.

Each guy has his own way of hiding it – some lay a sweater over their lap, others untuck a shirt and lean forward so that they can hide it behind the hanging fabric. My first boyfriend would rearrange his belt, at the same time tucking his hard on behind the waistband of his pants. Some guys rely on baggier jeans or a shift in seating position, others carry strategically placed bags.

How subtle is it?

You all think no one will notice. You think you’re being subtle. And perhaps not everyone knows. But as I’m whispering words in your ear, or regaling you with an unnecessarily explicit story, I’m watching to see you shift, to spot that tell-tale bulge in your trousers, that hidden movement that tells me you’re growing hard.

I’m noticing the fuck out of that. And I love you for it.

24 Comments

  • My husband’s extremely large erection, forced to stay plastered on the inside of his muscled thigh, growing, expanding, bulging and begging to be released from his all the sudden too tight jeans. He reaches in, grabs it, gives me a wink, pulls it up to the waist, tucks the head behind the band of his pants, hopes the zipper outline will cover the outline of his shaft – it doesn’t.

    • Girl on the net says:

      I just…. mmm… ah… I’ll be in my bunk.

      • Ezequiel says:

        And just when I thought you couldn’t possibly be more cool, you reference Firefly.

        And you say you aren’t perfect. Pfffft.

        • Girl on the net says:

          Hehe. Is that specifically a Firefly reference? I didn’t realise it was, although now I have probably taken away some of the cool. For what it’s worth, though, Firefly is one of the best things that ever happened to me. And Captain Mal is one of the best things that I ever wish would happen to my cunt.

          • Ezequiel says:

            Heh. As a guy, I wouldn’t say no to any of the ladies of Firefly… but I really wish that Zoe would happen to my penis.

            I think she was the most under-ratedly sexy woman on that show. Too bad Wash never got her that slinky dress.

  • SamSomething says:

    One time I was with the girl, I had such a problem, so I just had her grab it and hide with her coat in arm.

    May not have hidden as well as I hoped but hey.

  • If I was ur girlfriend says:

    When I was 13 I fancied my best mate’s sister who was 2 yrs older, blonde and gorgeous (to me at the time anyway). At school in summer term we were allowed to swim for fun during lunch break but had to wait to get in the water til a teacher arrived to lifeguard us. One lunchtime, me and a few mates were standing around in our speedos waiting for the teacher and said sister showed up in her swimming costume. Instant boner. I tried to subtly hide it behind my towel which was slung over the fence around the pool but my boy mates spotted me and thought it would be hilarious to drag me out of hiding, and draw attention toy stiffy as a source of much hilarity. Still the most humiliating moment of my life.

  • Cougar says:

    I’ll let you into a little secret.

    You know how you say you love it?

    So do we.

  • That One Chick says:

    Haha how funny you should write this now. My boyfriend and I were just discussing how he used to hide it during hs on our way back from breakfast. When we got back to his place I got ready for work then right before I left we had another insightful little chat about giving head. He was sitting on the chair in front of his desk and I had my knees between his legs. I was asking what he liked most about the head I gave him earlier . right before I left he said “I feel like I’m in high school again” and as I was asking what he meant he took my hand and placed it on the rock hard bulge straining against his jeans. Was a shame I had to leave for work right then :-(

  • Mr. Archer says:

    Why do people do this? I just let it do as it pleases, usually. I only try to hide it if I see family about, ’cause that’s awkward…

  • Bee says:

    My first boyfriend used to tuck it into his waistband, too. Just thinking about that, 8 years later, still turns me on. He was an awful idiot and a clumsy lover but god, he had a great cock.

  • v says:

    I must admit that if we havent had time for a lunchtime fuck I quite enjoy sending my husband back to work with a massive hard on straining against the waist band of his suit.

  • Ash says:

    Oh God. I am blessed/cursed with the ability to get a boner at the drop of a hat – a former lover once called it porn star dick syndrome. It makes some train trips very awkward though. And when I’m at work I have to shuffle deeper into my desk or take a smoke break and hope that no one sees me on the way out.

    Ah, the curse of being blessed in the genitalia department.

  • Dave says:

    When I was first dating my now ex wife, we were walking through Birmingham city centre and, for a laugh I hung a carrier bag from the hard-on that she had recently extricated from my boxers. I’m sure that probably got some stares.

  • James says:

    Love this article. I get hard at the drop of a hat. Love it if on the tube and a female notices. So many different reactions, and a couple of interactions that have proved great fun! I’ve only just discovered your blog but I will be reading a lot more…nice work, refreshing!

  • Jeffrey says:

    When I was taking summer classes in college, I was on my way back to campus from downtown. The bus was crowded, so I had to stand. When the bus was moving, you pretty much had to grab a hand hold somewhere to keep from falling down, and the hand hold I had was the horizontal rail in front of the money till, which was about waist high. The next stop after I got on, a girl who looked slightly older (23 to my 20) got on and stood in front of me. She held on to the same rail. As the bus filled up, we got bunched more closely together, and by the time we left downtown for the ten minute trip to the school, I noticed the front of her crotch had placed itself firmly on the knuckle of my thumb as it grasped the rail. This, and the smell of her hair in my face brought me to immediate attention, which was embarrassing on a crowded bus where there really wasn’t anywhere to hide, so I turned more toward her, and, as her cleft remained on my thumb, I pressed myself into her left cheek to hide my erection. We remained like this, with the bus bouncing along, for almost the entire trip… until she got off at her stop without uttering a word.

  • Mr Average says:

    I nearly got slapped with a sexual harassment charge because a cleaning lady rounded a corner after hours at work and caught me raising my shirt tails to show my girlfriend how far above the waistband of my suit pants she’d teased my cock head. Like you, my gal thoroughly enjoyed getting me hard in public and watching me squirm. I love the of you both for that.

  • Alex says:

    I got an erection once on a bus and missed my stop because I was too embarrassed to stand up. it happens more often if I wear loose boxers. for some reason? it almost never happens in briefs which hold it down. at the moment I don’t have the courage to go out knowing I’ve boxershorts on

  • Guire says:

    I just wear tight underwear to restrict an erection, and a long jacket or shirt that covers my crotch anyway. In addition, if I see a hot girl or an ad or anything that may arouse me, I look away and think about the male and female bodies I dissected at medical school. 99.999999% success rate in killing any boner :)

    • Guire says:

      And the reason why it works is coz it makes me realise how although a girl may look hot and attractive on the outside, in reality beauty is only skin deep and there is a f**king mess of anatomy inside *sigh*

  • Harry says:

    Dear Girl on The Net,

    Four days ago I completed a 10 day Vipassanna retreat, without having ever previously meditated in my life, I found myself engaged in 10 days of ‘noble silence’ and 11hours of meditation a day. During this time I gave up smoking, turned 27 and experienced the agony of a 3 day hard on. GIving up smoking was easier to handle, than the erection.

    Over the past four days, I’ve been doing a fair amount of public squirming. I haven’t experienced rage-ons like this since being a teenager. I used to suffer so badly in school with these public displays of embarrassment; the tuck under the waistband was mostly the chosen method of disguise. I found your blog whilst looking for a way out of these scenarios arising. My reckless friend begun to pulse whilst reading your blog. Being 27 and going through all this again is so hard, and the thought of you enjoying this makes it all the harder.

    During this retreat, you experience pleasurable and painful, sensation and thoughts. To which you are suppposed to sit equanimously; neither running from the painful, nor craving the pleasurable, just experiencing the experience as it arises and passes away.

    So whilst sitting in this library in Leominster, a Londoner lost with a stealth boner pulsing away, as an oldie goes about reading, ‘The stamps of the world’, in front of where I am sat, I decided to: look at your pictures, read and re read your blog and compose this message to you; arose but far from passing away. Though I may have failed on equanimity, I am accepting the rogue in my pants and his fervour for exercising his right.

    Yours Sincerely,
    A Belated Fan

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