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On Schroedinger’s wank

This week I walked in on a boy wanking. Late at night, I woke up to go to the loo, spotted the light on in the living room, and thought I’d pop in to casually grope him before sleepily wandering off to bed.

You know how I love watching boys crack one out – there’s a beautiful desperation about the urge to come, and I relish seeing that on his face. But of course, the most beautiful wanks of them all are the ones I am destined to never see.

Masturbation as performance

I love it when you put on a show. When you grip your cock nice and tight, look me deep in the eye, and jizz all over my face. Watching you touching yourself is somehow far more beautiful than watching you touch me, and it’s something I could gaze upon for … oooh … a good twenty minutes without getting bored or annoyed.

But there’s always going to be something missing from it. Even the most confident people I know find it impossible to tune out the fact that there’s someone else in the room watching them while they rub one out. It’s all very well pretending you’re on your own, but the very act of pretence acknowledges that there’s someone there watching you.

Even if I sit really still. Even if I say nothing. Even if I focus hard on breathing so quietly you would barely know I was there.

Schroedingers wank

Like the cat in the box that could be both dead and alive at the same time, your wank exists in that super-hot yet unobservable state until exactly the moment I observe it. Unfortunately then it becomes simply a normal performance wank – one in which, no matter how hard you try, there’s still a tiny part of your brain telling you to act it up a bit, stop gritting your teeth, remember the audience.

Long story short, I got a tantalising glimpse of the almost unobservable the other night. Walking into the lounge when I wasn’t expected, in the split second before he looked up and changed pace, I got to see it: the unobservable solo wank. Legs splayed, hunched over the edge of the sofa, rubbing with a vigour and determination that he’d be too dignified to show directly to me, eyes fixed on porn that he’d chosen because he likes it rather than because he thinks I approve.

The hotness of this was combined with a searing pang of jealousy – why do you never wank like this for me? – and I felt like I’d been gutpunched by the combination of tiredness, self-pity and raw, hurting lust. I wanted to stay there in the doorway watching him do that until he came in whatever furtive way he does when I’m not looking, grunting the noises he wouldn’t want me to hear and pulling faces I’ve never seen.

But that feeling lasted only a second – he’d obviously heard the door and after my split-second’s glimpse of the filthy, unobservable solo wank, his face smoothed into the expression of lust he saves for me, the pace slowed and he smiled in recognition: eyebrows slightly raised as if to say “do you want to join me? Want to see this? Want me to perform for you?”

I blew him a kiss and left.

12 Comments

  • Cindy says:

    There is nothing hotter than a man who keeps doing his thing after I walk into a room. I, like you, want to someday be an unknown observer, be present in that secret space, but I sit, watch, sometimes help, and it is amazing, the closest thing to true intimacy I can imagine. Sometimes the best encounters are the ones we have pretending we are alone.

  • Is it just me, or is everybody posting about wanking this week? The clocks have gone back, so it’s dark in the morning and dark in the evening, the weather has turned to shit across the UK (especially in the South) … are you all holed up at home cracking one out?

  • Jillian Boyd says:

    I can but nod in silent agreement to your post.

  • Jervis says:

    Most guys probably don’t realise that their private wank face is so appealing. While I’m wanking I’m generally pretty quiet, but of course I’ve never consciously monitored my outward appearance. When I cum it’s a different matter.

    I would love for some way to allow a woman to watch me without appearing to be an exhibitionist. Being watched wanking is one of my biggest kinks at the moment. Of course there’s webcam services to connect voyeur with exhibitionist, but just as you say this is a performance, not a private moment on display.

    Dovetailing nicely with my kink for being watched is my kink for women who watch – it doesn’t necessarily have to be me that they watch. I love the idea that a woman can be turned on by just watching a man play. It’s kind of a rebellious kink – delight that a woman is not turned off by the sight of a penis as per the stereotype. Being bi-curious helps too – I like watching guys wank as well so my kink is their kink.

  • matthew says:

    this is so beautiful and sexy. to know that perhaps, maybe, I might be worshipped/admired from afar for touching myself that way.

    I am totally moved by this and aspire to be on that end of the gaze.

  • Dave says:

    I think I love you! lol – great to hear an honest and well written piece about watching guys wank. I love the idea of you keeping quiet and us both pretending you’re not watching – though you are really. And the idea of secretly being watched, wanking hard and pulling faces, not knowing (until hopefully you cough politely afterwards) that I was being watched. lol. xx

  • tori says:

    Ever since I was a teenager I have had the urge to watch men wank….in reality this has always turned out to be a disappointment, not that I don’t enjoy watching a guy touch himself, I just want to watch him….without him knowing I’m there. I had a strange experience when I was young where a guy jumped out at me in a bus station, gave his hard cock a few strokes and then shot his load all over the floor, I think this has maybe fuelled my desire for wank watching. I’ve even thought about hiding a camera in my bedroom so I can watch my partners “real” wank….maybe a bit creepy though lol. An awesome blog…..can’t stop reading! X

  • Leslie Edwards says:

    I like watching a man masturbate, it’s extremely thrilling seeing his technique and frequently accompanied by moans and groan as he gets close to cumming. I also enjoy mutual masturbation. Sitting across from a man stroking his erect cock while I’m rubbing my cli and fingering my pussy is so very sexually satisfying.

    Maybe it’s because I watched my father masturbate while watching a porn movie (he didn’t know I saw him) which got this, then, young teenager very hot and moist down there, that I like seeing men wank and shoot their milky white cream.

  • Leslie Edwards says:

    [Comment removed by GOTN]

    • Girl on the net says:

      Hi Leslie – I’m really sorry but I’m afraid I’ve had to remove your comment. There are certain things I’m not allowed to publish, and although there are no clear rules, I’m pretty certain that your comment would potentially fall under ‘things which could get me in trouble’. Huge apologies – I don’t like to delete comments, and I’m sorry I had to do it here. Hope you can understand.

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