Where’s all the hot porn of guys using sex toys? Oh, that’s right, it’s often self-uploaded onto tube sites, or on gay-guy specific sites. How often is this stuff pitched to straight women? RARELY. Well, here’s my pitch.
I love the look of a guy when he’s got his junk in his hand. Boyfriends who take dirty snaps to send me from a distance when they’re gripped around it, and pulsing with the need to come: amazing. I still have one or two favourite photos (OK, so one is a video) of guys I know doing bad bad things to themselves, and gleefully recording the evidence so I can watch it later.
One guy sat spread-legged on the floor, camera phone propped in front to give a tight-cropped shot of his junk, and rapidly milked himself into his own left hand. Unngh.
I’ve talked before about Schroedinger’s Wank – that the hottest of all possible ‘guywanking’ scenarios is the one I can probably never see. Because what I want is to see him doing it exactly what he’d do for himself if I weren’t there – all pleasure, no performance. Sadly I’ll never be quite invisible or sneaky enough to be able to see this, but there is one thing that makes watching guy wanks hotter…
The sex toy gift wank
Even if I live to be 100, and spend ten hours a day practising my hand job technique, until your cock’s raw and miserable and my biceps ache with the strain, I will still never be able to wank you off as well as you can yourself. I just won’t. That’s why blow jobs are a better bet for me – even the most flexible guys I’ve met would struggle to get the tip in, let alone deep throat it, so a blow job can make you make those unthinking ‘unngh’ noises far better than my hands can.
But ah, if we’re talking about watching guys wank, then there’s certainly one way in which I can be of assistance: the wank toy.
In a way, I reap a massive benefit from society’s odd sex toy double standard. I’m talking about the attitude which sells toys for women as a sexual treat, while treating sex toys for dudes as a dirty secret. I win because a) boys buy me sex toys and b) I get to say ‘hey do you mind rubbing the Doxy on my clit while we fuck?’ without him worrying that I’ll run away with it. Crucially, I also reap the benefit because, in my experience, guys I know have far fewer sex toys than I do. They might have bought themselves a butt plug one night when they were pissed, but no guy I’ve known has had a masturbator that hasn’t been gifted by me.
There’s probably a reason for that, and I’ll come onto that in a second. But let’s do the sexy bit first:
Wank toys give me an edge that no amount of handjob practice can. From the very first time I bought one (and if you’re looking for recommendations, the Tenga Flip Hole is exceptional) to the most recent time when I staggered to the bed, pissed, after a night out and commanded a dude to lie down so I could milk him double-handed while I watched his scrunched-up O-face, masturbators have been one of my most significant loves.
And, bringing this back round to the point I made at the start, they immeasurably enhance the joys of watching a guy wank. I’ll never do it as well as you do, but if I buy you a toy? And I say ‘hey why not rub yourself to climax with this while I squash my tits into your face and watch the speed and strength with which you grip it’? Yeah, I like that. I like knowing that I did that to him, I made him feel that good and I like the knowledge of that combined with the hotness of watching him get himself off.
To this day some of my most significant fantasies involve guys using sex toys, or just wanking bare-handed. Sure, usually someone gets fucked, but often when I need something to push myself over the edge, I’m picturing a guy in grunting desperation, clenched fist wrapped tightly around his dick and sweat dripping from the bridge of his nose, staring hungrily at whatever else is happening and gritting his teeth for the inevitable climax.
Where was I? Oh yeah – double standards.
Watching women masturbate vs watching men masturbate
What I’m getting at is that watching men masturbate is intensely hot for me, and I’ve always been a bit confused as to why the ‘watch your lover wank’ proposal is only usually sold as a straight-guys-watching-girls thing. Why the idea of a guy buying his girlfriend a vibrator and then getting off on her watching it is standard practice, yet a girl buying a stroker for her dude and ordering him to beat himself into a jizzy froth is not. I can’t possibly be the only one for whom this is enticing.
But we’re getting nearer to Valentine’s Day – that time of year when sex toy companies start telling you to buy something sensual for your lover, and the underlying assumption is that it’s a dude buying one for a female partner. It’s obviously not desirable to those who sell us the products – I suspect they’re wary of our odd double-standard too: the one that says women can proudly show off the inside of their toy drawer, but that there’s something furtive and wrong about men having something lubed-up and squishy to fuck.
Well, bollocks to that. Personally, I suspect that it won’t take long for that attitude to die out, and for us to embrace the fact that men use sex toys – to talk more frequently about guys using their toys in front of or with their partners. To that end, when I had this rant to Emma from SexToys (a company which sponsors my blog), she suggested we do a survey and see if we could get any info about the disparity. Is it as big as I’d imagined? Are we actually more comfortable with partner sex toy use than I think? Because if so, I reckon it’s cause for some celebration and shouting from the rooftops – and certainly a reason for toy companies to start the kind of Valentine’s Day campaigns that’d make me really really happy:
“Romance him with a Fleshlight.”
“This Valentine’s Day, treat him to a lubed-up prostate massager and watch him gurn his way to a seriously explosive climax.”
That sort of thing.
We had some trouble making some of the questions multiple choice, which is kind of annoying, but we’ve done our best. Besides, this isn’t a peer-reviewed journal or anything, so please do answer the questions/chip in your thoughts on this blog if you have time.
Meanwhile, I’m off to find a Valentine’s Day present. I figure: rose petals on the bed, soft music on the stereo, and a six-pack of Tenga eggs that he can fuck his way straight through. Who says I’m not romantic?
If you’d like to buy a masturbator (or indeed any other sex toy) of your own, head to my sex toys page where I’ve recommended a few favourites – and if you buy through any of those links I’ll earn a little bit of £ to keep this site running and write more smut like this.