When I was young I thought sex was probably quite a rare occurrence. From what I’d seen on TV and in films, it looked like sex within a straight, long-term relationship involved a fair amount of rigmarole. You have to shave your legs, wash your hair, put on makeup and look seductive. If you’re a dude you’ll probably have to do a different kind of groundwork: snuggling in front of a film, and inching your arm along the back of the couch painstakingly slowly until it finally comes to rest on one of your partner’s breasts.
I’ve never seen a TV couple start fucking the way we usually do.
“Do you want to shag? We haven’t done it for a while.”
Or seduce each other with the kind of lines you can only get away with if you know the answer will be ‘why not?’
“Do you want to touch my freshly-shaven cunt?”
To be fair, it wasn’t always this way. My first ever boyfriend was a bit nonplussed by my efforts. Not only did he have a much lower sex drive, I think felt as if each fresh attempt to fuck him was a slight on the fuck he’d had with me before. You’re only after this because the last one didn’t satisfy you, right?
OK, fair enough, I didn’t scream the walls down, and if I hadn’t faked an orgasm then he could be sure as shit I hadn’t actually had one. But if it hadn’t enjoyed what we did then I wouldn’t be pleading with my eyes and staring longingly at his crotch.
“Are you tired? I’m not.”
At the time, I floundered a bit. Spent two months’ allowance on an Ann Summers corset and sobbed when his reaction to it was an indifference bordering on hostility. That I’d put so much effort in made the rejection hurt all the more.
*turns round* *pulls down trousers to show a glimpse of arse* “Want to fuck me?”
I didn’t realise until much later that sex doesn’t always have to be something one person tempts the other into. That the build-up can be as simple as:
Do that thing you did yesterday, but again, and harder.
While we often see couples on TV making preparations for date nights or dressing in sexy lingerie, we don’t often see the kind of easy, casual delight with which lots of couples initiate sex.
It’s hard to say ‘not tonight’ if someone’s asking you with their soul shimmering in their eyes and a desperate hope in their tone of voice. And I think it’s much easier to say ‘yes’ as well.
*puts on some porn* *points at crotch* “Touch yourself?”
Let’s be honest – most of us rarely have time for poetry and lingerie. And a simple ‘fancy a fuck?’ does nicely when you’re with someone who doesn’t mind you being lazy every once in a while. It’s not pretty, or meaningful, or romantic. It’s a combination of honesty, crassness and enthusiasm. Which I think is why I like it.