Kissing: How to be an excellent kisser

Image by the brilliant Stuart F Taylor

I should probably take the ‘over 18s’ warning off my site for this post, as I’m going right back to first base by discussing kissing. As with all of my posts, though, there’s probably still some mention of dicks, so don’t start reading it out loud to your grandma.

Kissing’s good. And it’s not just for teenagers. Much like tit-groping, kissing seems to get neglected as we age. A fumbling snog is no longer the goal in mind when you chat someone up – it’s a bridge you have to cross before they agree to full sex. I think this is a crying shame and – if your final goal is good sex – a serious lapse of judgment.

With apologies to Cher, a kiss can’t really tell you whether someone loves you. But it can certainly tell you to what degree they want to rip your knickers off and pound you like you’re in trouble.

Kissing makes a world of difference

I could be with the loveliest guy in the world, dripping wet with anticipation for the moment he first sticks his hand down the back of my jeans, and be turned off in just a second if he kisses me unenthusiastically.

Alternatively, a guy for whom I have only a modest amount of affection can have me panting with desperate fucklust just by kissing me the right way. I can pinpoint the time I started taking a certain guy seriously to the moment when he lay on top of me on the sofa and kissed me so hard I actually moaned.

It was slow, but with force and pressure. As he was doing it he pinned my body down on the sofa and pressed himself between my legs like he wanted to trap me beneath him. He held my wrists behind my head so I couldn’t move, and kissed me for a good half an hour.

When I said ‘please, please fuck me’ he ignored my requests and kept going. And I kept moaning. And by the time he finally pulled down my jeans to get at my cunt the relief was so great that my eyes watered.

How to be a good kisser

Contrary to the wisdom of the teen movie, no one can actually teach you how to kiss except the person you’re kissing.

Some traditional top tips include:

  • don’t use too much tongue
  • don’t waggle your head around too much
  • try not to dribble down their chin

And I’m not a fan of people who use these techniques either. But I’m pretty sure some people like it because I’ve been with men who do kiss like that. I’ve had guys dribble and lick. I’ve had some who kiss like they’re in Byker Grove on fast-forward. And I’ve had some all over my face, forcing their tongues so deep into my mouth that I’m not sure whether to keep kissing or just suck on it like it’s a prehensile, face-mounted dick.

But some people must like it, because they do it. So my advice (if you want to be good) is to try and kiss like your partner – take your cues from them. Best case scenario: you learn to love their style. Worst case scenario: at least you’re doing roughly the same thing, so you’re less likely to clash teeth or give your partner whiplash.

But my advice if you really want to enjoy it is to encourage them to kiss like you. If both of you move towards an acceptable kissing compromise you’ll probably end up somewhere in-between which works reasonably well for both parties.

Do more kissing

Do more kissing – however you choose to do it. It’s a bit of a ‘Cosmo’ piece of advice, but I mean it. Kiss. Kiss with enthusiasm. Kiss like you want to fuck. Kiss like if you do it well enough the girl you’re with will slick her knickers, because – listen carefully – it’s true.

In bed, in the shower, in the kitchen, while you’re watching TV – kiss. On the scale of ‘dull’ to ‘fucking awesome’ it’s a hell of a lot higher than you might think.

A good kiss can make the difference between a nice shag and a spectacular fuck. Kissing makes my cunt drip and my nipples hard before you’ve even taken any clothes off. Kiss me well and not only will I be more likely to fuck you, I’ll be actively begging you to do anything you want.

After a full-on weak-at-the-knees snog, not only will I plead with you to touch my tits, hurt me and fuck me in the ass, you’ll hear the dirtier stuff come out too. The stuff I might be nervous to ask for if you hadn’t just made me insensible with passionate snogging. Kiss me gently and nervously and we’ll have the awkward shy sex. Kiss me with confidence and you can beat me with a coathanger, piss all over me, force your fist part of the way into my aching cunt, then come on my face and scoop droplets of your fresh spunk right into my filthy, kissable mouth.

It’s probably lucky I kept the +18 warning after all.


  • . says:

    I thought, just this once, I’d be able to read this on public transport without sitting awkwardly. I was wrong.

    I’ve underkissed in a past relationship, and then later wondered where all the sex went. GOTN, this artical has caused me to put two and two together to form a possible causal relationship between me not snogging enough, and me not getting laid enough. From now on, I will never stop snogging.

  • Totally Anonymous Username says:

    Mmm, kissing. I can be a bit guilty of rushing to the fucking, but I do love a bloody good snog. Probably more than e.g. being fingered, a lot of the time. *contemplates suggesting to Associate that we see how long we can stick with just kissing for next time I see him*

    *would almost certainly lose if it were a contest*

    *would probably not mind the forfeit*

  • Ash says:

    About a year or so ago I ran into the girl I lost my virginity to. It was one of those typical high school relationships and she was nothing to write home about at the time – so I was pretty surprised to see that eight years later she’d turned into a super babe. We got talking and when I asked her why we didn’t date after the sex (we kind of mutually broke up after) she said one of the reasons was that I was the worst kisser she had ever dated (and apparently still was).

    I asked my boy at the time if I was that bad, and he said that I was actually really good.

    So now I’m not sure if someone’s lying to me or I just improved with age.

  • bendyover girl says:

    Long-distance kissing is tricky though isn’t it? After a while, everything gets soggy and a bit worn out – and then you just have to fuck! After all, you’re not leaving your hands with nothing to do while snogging, are you? Only takes a few minutes and I’m dripping…

  • Tim says:

    Kissing is essential! Its intimacy at its most basic level. Be good at kissing, its one of the most important parts of intimacy ans emotionally connecting with someone. If we can’t connect at the most basic level its going to be difficult to able to connect at a deeper level.

  • Oh yes. Sometimes it’s simple. Tear my knickers of me, put your cock in me and fuck me. Grab my hair, humiliate me, stick your cock in my mouth and fuck it till you spunk. Tearful, hasty hot fuck.
    And there is kissing fuck. The way Lover first fucked me after few months of going out. ‘Kiss me”, I said like Vivien Leigh in Gone with The Wind throwing my head back. He was on top of me of course, his cock driving in and out of me in a steady rhythm. And kissing me at the same time. I even had a pillow under my arse to make sure he fucked me and could still reach my mouth. In and out, me writhing and begging into his lips. Saliva dripping, no more tongue flicks, just animal like tongue fucking, ‘let me suck it as if it’s your cock’ that’s incidentally inside me. His lips were connected to mine all the time and when he spunked, he just locked lips on mine helplessly and let all the saliva drip away into my mouth. It was amazing because that’s when I realised I loved him. ‘I never fucked like this before’, he said all confused before catching breath. Quite frankly neither have I. Kissing is underrated.

  • The_Rince says:

    I like the part where you mentioned kissing.

  • sunset says:

    you’re absolutely right. sometimes when my boyfriend kisses me it makes me so wet and my nipples harder than they ever are and i’m actually shocked, like “how the hell did you do that?” it’s amazing, it just can work so well

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