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On sex and comedy

Tits don’t make ‘honk honk’ noises when you squeeze them. You don’t hang towels off a rock-hard cock. That noise someone’s cunt makes that sounds like a fart? Happens so often that if it was a joke you’d accuse the writer of plagiarism.

The most important thing in any guy is a good sense of humour, the most important thing in one of my guys is that he leaves that sense of humour at the bedroom door. I’m not saying you shouldn’t joke around, or be playful, but what I am saying – no, shouting loudly from the rooftops into the deaf ears of a broken society – is that sex is not funny.

I’ve rarely known a great shag to stop halfway through and giggle at the noises. This doesn’t mean that nothing funny has ever happened – loads of funny stuff happens during sex, which is why stand-ups get so much wear out of shagging stories. But if you’re in the mood and the moment, things that sound funny when your mate jokes about them become things that further fuel your lust.

That slurping sound is hilarious when done as an embellishment of a blow job story in the pub, but when you’re getting an actual blow job suddenly it becomes hot. It demonstrates from the girl a detachment and a willingness and a desperate need to have your cock in her mouth that, for most guys, prevents the chuckle-synapse from firing.

And don’t get me started on looks. People look weird naked – they look different. Their bodies are all unique and interesting and have different bits, and shapes, and hair in different places. While these might be funny on Youtube, they’re not funny in my bedroom. They’re exciting, sexy, new things to play with and learn about, new things to press my face into and smell and lick and have wrapped around me.

I will be less willing to bury my face in your ass-crack if you’ve just done a comedy striptease to hide your sexual self-doubt.

To make things good you both have to be confident. And that means not just being comfortable naked with the lights on, but comfortable knowing that if you give him your special move he’s not going to guffaw when it makes a squirting noise.

If you watch comedy sex on TV it can be funny. Jokes about sex can be funny. But I think the point I’m making is that if you’re in the right mindset – if you’re horny and hot and desperate to come, things suddenly seem very serious. Just as I’d never chuckle at Schindler’s List, I’d find it impossible to laugh with someone’s cock inside me.

Which is a shame, because apparently it does something quite clever to the pelvic floor muscles.


  • C.B.B says:

    I very rarely fail to feel a stirring in my groin while reading one of your blog entries. And while this was is interesting, like all of them are, I was beginning to think this was going to be one of those occasions. Until the very last line, and the words, “with someone’s cock inside me”. And then it happened. A tingling inside the loin and the throbbing feel of the blood pumping into my cock in time with the beat of my heart. Thanks. You have a special touch.

  • Not In Any Way Dave says:

    I disagree with you, but that’s cool – laughing at sex is quite important to me, I find that it defuses tension and anxiety. Yes, your cunt is going to make farting noises if I’ve been fucking it like some kind of demonic piston. Don’t feel bad. I want to make sure you don’t feel bad by laughing with you.

    That said, there’s a time and a place. Laughter has no place when Stern Voice is involved.

    Also, your point about pelvic floor muscles? I really enjoy tickling a girl when she’s on top of me. Partly because eventually she’ll start to get scared of it, and that’s hot, and partly because the spasms in her cunt are cracking.

  • Mo says:

    I’m pretty much with you on all of this. There’s fun, and there’s funny.

    You can have fun during sex, particularly if you’re both very much at ease with each other… you can grin and smirk and laugh — but as a part of it, rather than at the *mechanics* of it.

  • Fenn says:

    My thoughts exactly!

  • Stephanie says:

    There have been times when we’ve had fun and giggles during sex. It’s part of the enjoyment. Sometimes, near the end, one or both of us will call out, “Sex injury!” because one or the other of us has again pulled a muscle or wrenched a shoulder.

    Sure, the pain isn’t funny (because it HURTS!!!!), but the fact that we can share it helps.

  • Sarah says:

    Based on my husband’s reaction recently when he made a very funny joke while inside me, I think I’ll try and introduce humour more often – I nearly crushed his cock and he was definitely not laughing about that, but he was grunting pretty hard ;)

  • Desire on Wheels says:

    Hmm, I think there’s a key difference here between laughing at someone and laughing with them. I have no wish to be mocked as if I were something disgusting either, but we giggle together pretty frequently during sex, sometimes we randomly make jokes, and it’s awesome. Not the gross-out sort of jokes, though, those don’t really work for me. I can’t imagine feeling truly relaxed in bed with someone I couldn’t laugh with. And if you ever want to try Liberator furniture, believe me, you need to be able to laugh together – you have to wiggle in the oddest ways to get onto the things, and then not fall off at inappropriate moments, and sometimes it’s hot and sometimes it’s just silly and sometimes it’s both at once.

    I’m curious, how would you feel if you ended up in bed with someone who laughs as a result of orgasm? Not common, but it does happen with some people.

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