Now listen up: I’ve used the phrase ‘semen volume’ in my intro and titles for this incredible guest blog, because Google Keyword Planner tells me it’s searched for more often than the any of the phrases I would naturally use to describe what we’re talking about here. But whether you’re keen to get a massive cum load, a spunk volcano, or a powerful spaff cannon, make no mistake that what we’re talking about here is jizz. Big, thick, sticky shots of it. Mmmmmmmmmm. As a curious and horny person who’s extremely obsessed with spunk, I recently asked on Twitter if anyone with a dick might be up for describing what it feels like to spunk with one. The first person willing to volunteer their experience is Jocket, who wrote this beautiful piece about skin hunger a while back. To answer my thirsty question, he’s offering a perspective on ejaculate that made me positively drool for it, namely: going on a quest to increase semen volume and achieve more intense orgasms.

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Sometimes I get comments on sex stories I tell where people ask ‘where’s the orgasm?’ I don’t always report orgasms like I’m making a tally chart of who came when and how, because for me the cum shot isn’t always the main event. This post though? Oh yeah this post, I promise the cum shot will come.

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This story could start at a number of different points. It could begin on the first of December, with me marching through a rainstorm along a muddy canal path, determined not to be late to meet the lovely man who’d promised to fill me with spunk. I could start it a bit earlier, in November, with PMs back-and-forth about sexual frustration and oceans of jizz. But really it begins on October 31st, with a message I sent to this dude which said: ‘Are you doing NNN this year?’

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I want to be filled up with spunk. That’s it, really: that’s the blog post. Right now I am utterly and completely obsessed with grabbing a dude by the lapels, dragging him towards me so my lips are right against his ear and I can breathe in that horny scent of him, then growling in his ear “please fill me with your spunk.” Not just one guy, either: ideally he’d be one of many. I want to get filled up with spunk, and the more spunk there is, the better.

Note: the fantasy mentioned at the start of this piece may touch on some themes that are a teeny bit non-consensual. They’re technically extremely consensual, because I wank about them, and if this scene were to happen in real life (pleasepleaseplease), it would only happen if everyone were fully on board with the role play.

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Hi, sorry, excuse me, yeah sorry to bother you. It’s just I’ve been thinking quite a lot lately about all the different ways to cum at the end of a wank, and I thought/hoped you might be interested in this list. I have ranked all the possible spaff-styles in order of how hot they are for me to see/imagine. Before I begin, it’s important to note that every single one of these methods is hot: the baseline here is not ‘not hot’, the baseline is ‘let me watch you do it and my cunt will gush,’ but for what it’s worth, here they are in order.

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