Back in the day, I used to get annoyed with sex toy companies who were obsessed with making their vibrators ‘cute’. I was pissed off with the assumption that I wouldn’t have a wank unless someone had completely desexualised a dildo by slapping a rabbit on the front of it. Or a dolphin. Or Hello Kitty. I think I was mostly annoyed because this masturbatory menagerie only seemed to gather around toys aimed at women: I’ve never seen Fleshlight slap an adorable squirrel or a pair of googly eyes onto one of their dick sheaths. You can read my 12-year-old cute sex toys rant here if you like, but only if you remember that I had a lot of anger back then, was wildly cisnormative, and on balance almost certainly wrong. Because today I am here to sing the praises of a sex toy that is a) capable of delivering some very impressive wanks and b) undeniably cute as all fuck. Allow me to introduce the Doxy Go.

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It’s that time again! It feels like it comes round earlier each year, doesn’t it? It’s Masturbation Month, which means that by the time I publish this you have probably all already wanked yourselves into a stupor with the fabulous selection of sex toys you already own. So, like a sexier, sweatier, sluttier version of Santa I’m here to unload a sack full of awesome Masturbation Month deals direct from my sponsors right into your eyes.

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How do you feel about being used as a platter, on which everyone’s dinner is served? That’s the premise behind nyotaimori – a kink that, in Japanese, literally means ‘serve food from a woman’s body’. Hot, obviously. Even hotter, the excitable kinkster who is here to write about it is Jenby Doll, whose work you will I hope be familiar with from such epic adventures as this romantic needle/staple play scene, this incredible bimbofication play, and even actual induced lactation. I am always excited when she appears with a new guest blog pitch, and her first nyotaimori scene sounds not only delicious but outrageously horny. So! Please welcome Jenby, onegaishimasu.

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I’m so delighted to welcome Komplicated Kitty back to the guest slot! Her previous piece, about being a very slutty Cinderella for her partner, was wildly hot and incredibly popular, so when she popped back up to ask if I wanted a guest blog on pet play I squirmed with excitement. And it’s just as hot as her first piece, this time with the addition of a fluffy, sexy tail butt plug…

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This perfect restraints kit has lived rent-free in my head for a number of years. I’m a clumsy, eager fucker and when I engage in bondage, I do so in the same clumsy, eager way that I go about the rest of my fucks. I’m rubbish at knots, and can’t be bothered to learn, so the restraints that have won a permanent place in my bedroom are usually simple to use. Think cuffs with buckles, or ideally velcro. These door jam cuffs that I got many years ago were my favourite for a while. They’re so easy, and so effective: I love them. When asked what would be on my bucket list for the perfect restraints kit, I hankered after this Sportsheets under the bed restraints system for literally YEARS. Then finally I got one, and not long after I set it up, I broke up with my boyfriend. So I couldn’t actually use it. FFS.

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