Not to brag, but I think I’ve got great wanking game. Of all the things I do in life, masturbation is the thing that consistently brings me the most joy for the lowest cost. I’m not going to argue I’m the world’s most creative wanker, though. A significant amount of my wanking is purely functional: I do it because I’m bored, horny, hungry, in need of comfort. To get me to sleep or to distract me from nicotine cravings. I have picked up a few tips over the years though – mostly from other sex bloggers, friends, and partners who are kind enough to tell me in detail about their masturbation habits. So I thought for this year’s Masturbation Month post I’d share a few fun ideas along with suggestions for toys that might inspire you to spend more quality alone time with your junk.
All links in this post go to sponsor sites – if you buy through them you’re supporting my work here and I am incredibly grateful!
Get to know the shape of your body – inside and out
I spent a lot of my life masturbating in a very straightforward way: externally, with clit vibes and nothing else. Personally I get a bit squicked out by the sensation of putting my own fingers inside myself, which I suspect is why it took me so long to discover internal toys. But now that I have, I feel like I’ve missed out on a lot of experimentation over the years with important things like shape and texture.
If you’re just starting to use insertable toys, whether vaginally or anally, I thoroughly recommend experimenting with different shapes, thicknesses and textures. Trying out different styles led to me finding a core preference for functional wanking: a roughly average thickness dildo with an acute g-spot curve. But it also introduced me to other kinds of toys that I enjoy for different occasions, including a spiral-textured one that’s incredible if I get someone else to use it on me (though too long to use well on myself), and others that are better for things like anal play (slimmer!) or if I just fancy a change in sensation.
For sheer variety of shape, I recommend checking out the Avant range on The Pleasure Garden website. Everything on the site meets strict body-safety standards set by Francesca, who runs The Pleasure Garden, and this range in particular has a really broad selection of shapes and sizes to give you plenty of options depending on the kind of stimulation you love. Use code GIRLONTHENET for 10% off
Avant Opal Dreams from The Pleasure Garden
Avant Summer Fling from The Pleasure Garden
Add some accessories
It’s easy for wanking to become routine and functional, especially if you’re laser-focused on the sensations in your genitals and nowhere else. But adding accessories and extra stimulation can turn an ‘everyday’ wank into something extra special. I find that even taking five minutes before I start masturbating to play with my tits and nipples makes a huge difference to how turned on I am at the start, and therefore how hard I come when I eventually give in to the inevitable and start destroying my own vagina.
For bonus stimulation, I think nipple play is a huge winner, so I’m going to nudge you in the direction of these cute nipple pegs from Meo.de
Nipple pegs from Meo
Or these lovely adjustable nipple clamps from WhippleTickle:
Adjustable nipple clamps from WhippleTickle
And although I don’t tend to do anal play on my own, I know a lot of you are fans and I have been itching for an excuse to link to this impressive butt plug cage from Meo ever since I first saw it, so get a load of this as well.
Analcage butt plugs from Meo
If it’s creative wanking and fucking you’re after, Meo has such a huge range of products I’d be surprised if you couldn’t find at least one thing on their site that makes you go ‘oh wow holy shit I never thought of that!’
Join in with others
This is for the adventurous amongst you – smart sex toys make it possible to connect not just with partners over a distance but with the whole world if you’d like to! Lovense runs occasional toy ‘orgies’ where you can use the integrated app in conjunction with your toy off so it’ll vibrate according to how many people are using the #LovenseOrgy hashtag. If you’d rather be more selective in who you play with, the forums in the app allow you to connect with people you meet there.
Lovense Osci 3, which is the smart vibe I have and it rocks
Or if you want solo play but with a bit of extra joy, Lovense also partner with a whole host of porn sites so you can sync your toy to something you’re watching. They also partner with my lovely site sponsor Bloom, so you can listen to the hot Bloom audio while your toy syncs up and delivers vibrations that match the story!
Lovense Hush 2, one of the best smart vibrating plugs on the market
Let someone else be your guide
Speaking of Bloom, if you’d like some extra guidance and tips when exploring your body, they offer intimate audio guides which talk you through various scenarios. I think this is a kickass way to explore some new fantasies in a safe environment – some of their guides cover kinks like public masturbation or wanking at work, which obviously you shouldn’t do in reality. But if you like to dream about these kinds of things, following the instructions in someone else’s erotic story can be a creative way to live out fantasies you’ve always indulged in the back of your mind.
If, like me, you’re an impatient and functional wanker, you might want to try out their guide to edging – give yourself a little challenge to tackle on an otherwise free evening.
Join Bloom completely free to browse round what’s on offer. If you buy a subscription, use code GIRLONTHENET to save up to 50%.
Challenge yourself
A while back I published a guest blog by an heroic writer who challenged herself to see how many orgasms she could have in one day. I won’t spoil the surprise, click through there to see how many she managed, but the answer is ‘at least double what I have ever managed to rub out.’ I have had a go at doing this myself, obviously, though I have never quite made it to double digits. However, just partaking in a challenge like this can help you level up your wanking game, because as time goes on, over a full day of wanking, you can become hypersensitive to certain types of stimulation and find yourself naturally reaching for a different way to come than the way you usually would.
When I’ve tried it, I have ended up switching between rabbit vibes, bullet vibes, internal toys like dildos, and of course – when I can go no longer and I need a power tool to get me over the edge – my trusty and beloved Doxy.
At the moment, Doxy is in the process of re-designing and engineering their flagship toys. You can pre-order big wands like the Die Cast, but if you want instant gratification (who among us doesn’t?) then I’d recommend grabbing a small, rumbly, perfectly-formed Doxy Go. GOTN15 for 15% off
If you tend to wank with vibrations, a good way to switch that up is with a clitoral suction toy like this Satisfyer one from WhippleTickle (code GOTN10 for 10% off):
Satisfyer clitoral suction toy from WhippleTickle
Record your fantasies
This one comes straight from the heart, to be honest. I think one of the reasons I’m such a horny human being in general is because I spend a lot of time reminiscing, planning, revising and generally wallowing in my fantasies. Whether that’s ideas of things I want to do to/with someone the next time we hang out, or ideas that are too extreme or dramatic to fulfil in real life. I don’t tend to watch much porn unless I’m with a partner, so fantasies are the cornerstone of my masturbation material, and when I have a really good new one I write it down. Eventually sharing it with you lot here, of course, but sometimes just to capture a particular mood, scenario, tone or awesome cum-trigger line that flashed into my head.
No need to buy anything for this, but if you would like some inspiration check out some of the fantastic erotic stories over on Literotica to get your creative juices flowing. Or upload your own if you like the idea of getting feedback on your filth. You can also pitch me a guest blog if you’re so inclined – I’m currently commissioning guest posts for over the summer, so if there’s something burning in your brain that you’d like to get out, all the guest blog pitch details are here.
Go posh
If you have a dick, you’re probably already familiar with the concept of a ‘posh wank’, where you put a condom on before you beat one out so you can let the spunk fly without having to worry about cleanup. But I feel like I want to resurrect it because lately a couple of things happened that re-introduced me to the magic of this concept. Firstly, I saw a Reddit ‘Am I The Asshole’ thread or similar where a woman became wildly suspicious after finding a condom wrapper on her partner’s bedroom floor (or down the back of the sofa, I forget where). He explained to her that he’d just been having a ‘posh wank’ rather than cheating on her, and 99% of the comments featured people saying something like ‘this is not a thing, he’s definitely cheating.’ Now. I don’t know this woman or her partner, so it’s possible he is actually a grubby little cheat. However, I can assure her – and you – that ‘posh wanks’ are definitely a thing.
The other thing that reminded me of them recently was someone I’m fucking telling me he was getting reacquainted with the joys of the posh wank by working his way through a bunch of expired condoms he didn’t want to waste. Then he sent me a video of his cock pumping cum really hard and heavy into the end of a condom while grunting with orgasmic satisfaction. Unngh.
As standard I tend to go for Durex.
For larger dicks, I like Skyn King Size. If you’re smaller than average, try out something like Mister Size which comes in ranges from 47mm – 69mm (nice). Having a few posh wanks is also a good opportunity to try some different sized condoms to find ones that fit you perfectly.
GOTN10 for 10% off any of those.
Play games!
I think those of us who enjoy the happiest, healthiest sex lives are often the ones who treat sex and masturbation as a hobby – part and parcel of life, and something we’re allowed to dedicate time and thought to. Much like hiking, cycling, playing DnD, or getting stuck into a particular video game. If you’re that kind of person, especially if gaming is an important part of your life, then playing some fun masturbation games could be the perfect way to marry two of your top hobbies.
SexTechGuide has a great overview of some of the top VR porn sites, including those which offer games to play while you come (or try very hard not to come).
The Lovense app has plenty of games integrated with the app which make your toy rumble (or stroke) while you’re playing. And they also integrate with lots of other gaming sites, if you want to level up the difficulty on any of your favourite adult games.
Masturbation Month: treat yourself, support the site
As with pretty much everything I write around Masturbation Month, the main reason for posting this is just to remind you all that this blog wouldn’t be able to keep running if it weren’t for the incredible support of the lovely companies who feature here and in the sidebar ads. If you’re in the market for new toys and porn, or you just want to browse around for fresh ideas, please do consider clicking the links and helping to support my work.