I can barely contain my excitement today because not only do I have the amazing @JoannesReviews as a guest, she’s written a post on one of her expert subjects – fucking machines! If you’re not yet familiar with Joanne’s work, please go and check out her amazing blog where she reviews all manner of sex toys including e-stim, fucking machines and more. Today she’s sharing a sexy real-life story about topping sub ‘r’, and guiding her on her first fucking machine experience…

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In which I try to write about the newest sex toy in my collection – the Zumio – without having to run back to my bedroom for another quick go on it just to ‘check’ it’s as cool as I think it is.

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Sexual compatibility isn’t always about liking the same things. It’s nice to discover that your whims and lusts match up sometimes, when you both fancy exactly the same kind of shag. But to me, being sexually compatible is less about always wanting the same thing and more about being intrigued by the other person’s kinks and quirks.

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It’s about eleven at night on Sunday, the last day of Eroticon. I’ve had a long weekend and I really, really REALLY should be in bed. But I am not in bed just yet because I am staring, mesmerised and open-mouthed, at a picture of my other half’s big hard dick. Such a good picture. It’s so hard I can almost see it throbbing through the screen. Shiny and tight and solid and holy fuck all that good stuff. Much like the time I watched him wank in the shower, I am unable to tear my eyes away from this beautiful, beautiful thing. I am undone.

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Yesterday some poor soul wrote in to the Guardian to ask why his girlfriend masturbates after sex. His assumption was that it was because she was ‘insatiable’, and the agony aunt explained that perhaps she just fancied a second orgasm, or wanted to pleasure herself without the potential anxiety or pressure of doing it in front of him. My answer is a lot more sweary and pretty NSFW, but here goes: maybe the sex made her really, really horny.

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