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On what is not wrong with you, part 3: your height

I’m a massive, massive girl. I stand at five foot 11 in bare feet, which means that in the pretty boots I rock a good six feet three inches. Massive.

Wikipedia informs me that the average height for guys in England is five foot 9 or 10 inches (depending on age). If I only fucked guys who were taller than me I’d have spent most of my life alone.

Practicalities aside, there is genuinely nothing wrong with a male/female coupling in which the guy is shorter. The only reason we think it’s weird is because cretins point out that society has certain expectations about height. It’s a way to make people feel self-conscious about things they have no control over – playground bullying that grown ups should have grown out of.

My first ever boy was pretty small – he came just a bit higher than my shoulder. But you know what? I got used to it after about a week, and from then on the only time I noticed it was when shallow, judgemental arseholes would make comments about it.

“Don’t you get a sore neck when you’re kissing him? HAHAHA.”

No more than guys get when they’re with shorter girls, you gold-plated prick.

People pretend to be interested in the mechanics of a small guy fucking a woman who’s taller:

“Doesn’t it make it harder when you’re fucking standing up?”

No. Doesn’t your miserable attitude make it difficult for you to fuck at all?

They’re not really interested – they just want to discuss it and point out how ridiculous it is that we don’t conform to the exact physical expectations that they’d have regarding gender and height. Ha fucking ha.

Dear short men

You’re hot. But you’re not hot because you’re short – as with the vast majority of the population your height has little bearing on your fuckability. A tight, firm ass, a deliciously-placed tattoo, a penchant for dropping filthy comments into pub conversation – these are the most important things.

So no matter how many inches you have, work them with confidence. If you’re low on self-esteem there are some things you can change – you can be fatter or thinner or nicer or more likely to put out, but you cannot change your height – rock whatever you have with confidence and charm, and the people who matter will fuck you no matter what.

Some guys try and disguise their height with, for instance, big shoes or by *cough* Sarkozy *cough* standing on a box. But not only is it unnecessary, I’d argue that it’s actually going to make you look worse.

I’d never turn down a fuck with someone just because they were short. But I might turn one down if he was massively paranoid about the difference between him and me. If he was uncomfortable about standing next to me, or hated it when I wore boots, or made me feel like I should slouch when I was around him – those are crappy things to do. Being short? That’s just who you are.

So dress yourself up, go out, talk to ladies, shatter people’s expectations, be great at your job, stand up like you mean it – love things, fuck things, do good in the world. And if anyone mocks your height or laughs at you when you’re with a taller woman, give them the biggest ‘fuck off’ you can muster. You’re always going to be short, but you should never ever feel small.

Dear tall women

Once I was in bed with a guy who whispered to me:

“You know, the great thing about small women is you can put them up against a wall and fuck them.”

I’m 5′ 11″ – a giantess of a woman – he wasn’t talking about me. Since then I’ve had occasional issues with my height – I used to find out how tall guys were before I went on dates with them so I’d know whether I was OK to wear heels. I’d slouch and I’d lean and I’d try to do most things sitting down. I’d refrain from dancing, I’d wear flats, I’d voluntarily make my life less fun just in case people judged me for being tall.

But since then, other guys have said other things:

“Fuck, you’re so tall. I fucking love tall girls.”

“Wear the massive pretty boots. Please?”

And I learned something utterly crucial: the best guys couldn’t give a flying fuck. Whether you’re five foot five or six foot six, a decent guy will fuck you anyway. Men don’t usually shag you because of your specific physical features – they shag you because you rock them with confidence.

So the next time someone says “wow, you’re tall for a lady” I want you to grab the nearest thing off a high shelf and fling it at their stupid sexist head. Find your biggest, stampiest pair of boots and crush them beneath the heel. Stand up straight, pull your shoulders back, and use your long, gorgeous legs to swing a kick in their general direction.

Because you’re massive, and brilliant, and you can take on the world if you want to. Don’t let that world make you feel small.

 

23 Comments

  • BrenUK says:

    Well said (and brilliantly written as always). I’m a 5′ 7″ shortarse – but It’s never normally a problem when women get to meet you in person. Unfortunately a general prejudice does still prevail though, in that – if given the opportunity to express a preference most, (not all, but definitely most) women would totally dismiss a bloke because he was what she considered to be short (whatever her cut off point is). I mention this only because this can possibly be a problem for short men in a world where internet dating is rapidly becoming the norm – it can cut down your pool of potential fucks/partners etc.

    In the end though, I suppose you’ve just gotta say Fuckem! (or rather, not fuck em as the case will probably be) – their loss. Women eh! Lol.

  • LL says:

    Lovely blog. Inspiring, rousing if anything. I’m tall and a male friend of mine would tell me (surprisingly often) how he could never go out with a girl taller than him. Nice to know not everyone thinks the same!

  • Hayley says:

    The more I learn about you the more I love you! I’m a 6ft woman. My longest relationship stands at 8yrs with a man who was 5ft9. He LOVED that I was tall, asked me to wear the 4inch heels often and wrap my extra long legs all the way around him and grip him tight with my thighs. That got me over my height issues pretty quickly. As an awkward teen I hated being head and shoulders above all the girls and many of the boys.
    Last year a man stopped partway through kissing me and said “can you take your heels off please?” he was taller than the boyfriend, I was not impressed. It just shows lack of confidence on his part. Massive turn off. I don’t care how tall the boy is, why should something so superficial matter?! That’s like saying you absolutely won’t fuck a person with blue eyes. Totally cuntish! You can’t judge attraction based on such a small detail, if you’re short and you think that tall girl over their is so freaking hot, go tell her, show her how fucking awesome you are and that you’re not intimidated by her. We love that.
    I adore my height now, so often I get the stupid comments/questions “Gosh, aren’t you tall for a woman?” “How tall are you?!” “Wow, you’re like a giant” and recently someone refered to me as Hagrid’s daughter. I always respond postively, “Yes, I’m 6ft and it’s bloody brilliant!”. I love my height being acknowledged in an entirely positive way, for example I am frequently likened to an amazonian warrior princess, now that, I relish in. My strength, grace, beauty, feminity and confidence all recognised at once.
    My only height hang up remaining is dancing, I feel so self conscious if I’m not drunk or the dancefloor is not full, like I stick out, in a bad way. I know I don’t but I can’t seem to shake that one.

  • Welshblogger says:

    This is why I love coming to this blog, you give guys like me hope.

    Over the past few weeks you have said that being hairy is ok, being overweight is ok, now you say being short is ok too.

    Now if you can do a post about Welshmen, I will have a full house and will be walking on air for days!

    WB

    • Chandler says:

      Wow this blog was inspiring. As a guy who’s about 5’5″-5’6″… I love taller girls. Like 5’8″-9.. But I don’t judge beauty on height, I’m just constantly worried that girls will judge my attractiveness on my height not my confidence. This blog really made me smile and feel a lot better.

  • girlonthenet says:

    Aw, thanks – you are all far too kind. This is basically just a rant and, tragically, won’t change the world.

    @Welshblogger – what is wrong with being Welsh? Is it the sexy accent? The easy access to rarebit and leeks? I can literally see no downsides.

    @BrenUK – good point on the internet dating. I think basically all features appear far more stark when written down in a list, and with the easy filtering available on net dating it’s unsurprising that women often filter on height. Suspect what most of these women need is a brilliant shag/relationship with someone who doesn’t tick their specific boxes, to make them realise that sometimes specific boxes just don’t work. But I’ll throw something else into the mix: guys who lie about their height on dating sites. I’ve been on dates with guys who were ‘5’11″‘ only to find when they rocked up that they were closer to 5’5″. Height isn’t an issue – lying is. NEXT. =)

    @Hayley – ‘Hagrid’s daughter’?! I believe my response would have been slightly less restrained than yours in that I would probably have hurled them into the nearest lake. Amazonian warrior is much cooler.

  • freeqboi says:

    Tall women rock. all women rock, but tall women rock a lil more.. my partner in crime, is, a touch shorter than me at 5″10, and has proper confidence problems with this.. i love it. one day i hope she has the confidence to wear heels out with me, or even in with me, one day.

    plus it makes sex outside somewhere, those quick must have you now! moments, usually when she drags me away from the dj decks wherever im playing, that much easier :D

  • Wibble says:

    I don’t find shorter guys attractive/sexy at all (I’m just over 5.11′) – I only entertain thoughts of a guy if he’s 6 foot plus. sorry, but tall women with short guys look stupid. End of. The problem is when tall guys choose midgets. Not enough to go around – stick to men neared your own meagre height. Thanks. And yeah.

  • The Short T-Rex says:

    I gotta say this post is one of my favorites, I am 5″4′, apparently that’s short, and when I look back at life my favorite girl was 6″7′, smoking long legs and when we got heavy my face spent half the time buried in her tits, was great. I remember this one time we were out, shopping or something, and this guy made some stupid comment about out height difference, I don’t remember what it was, and she just turns to me gives me one of the hottest kisses of my life and says “and that’s what an attitude like that has you missing out on, passion” (or something to that affect). Was an amazing rush to realise how much this beautiful tall women didn’t care about my height, I haven’t felt subconscious about my height since.

    To people who judge relationships on little things like height, weight, hair color or anything stupid like that because of the way it looks to you or others, I pity you. Difference’s are what make humanity great, if we all felt as you did we’d likely have died out a long time ago, either through natural selection or boredom.

  • Karen Boyd says:

    Coming at this from the other side (I’m 5’0″) I have also had those ‘hilarious’ comments about the mechanics of sex – to the extent of a friend holding up a ruler against my belly and, referencing a famously well-endowed lover, just asking, “How?!”. Here’s a hint: short girls can fuck too. And we can be dirty and sweary and dominant and fierce and independent too, not just ‘cute’.

  • Andalya says:

    I agree with the comment above this, short girls don’t really have it any easier. I get so sick of being called cute because I’m 5ft nothing… like it’s ok for a girl to have a filthy mouth when she’s over 5ft5 but below it and even swearing is somehow wrong. I never wear heels because I hate how they feel, but the amount of times I’ve been told I should! Just saying, all heights have their problems, lets not be hating on short girls… we all “rock” the same, no?

    • Girl on the net says:

      Heya – I don’t think I’m ‘hating’ on short girls, and I agree with what you’ve said. It’s about being confident in who you are regardless of height. The reason I wrote this post was to defend the tall women/short men, as the only comments I’ve heard (being a tall women) are about that, I’m not sure I’m qualified to do an in-depth on the shit that short girls get. Get in touch if you want to guest post on it though!

  • Ash says:

    I love taller women, but in my experience they all only want tall guys. Fucking societal stereotypes. And I’m 5’10”, so not that short.

    Still, short girls are fun too. Albeit not without mechanical fears.

    • Ash says:

      Just another story to add to this.

      I recently had a whirlwind romance with a girl who was 6’5″ and very self conscious about her height.

      One time we were holding hands and walking to the beach when some dickhead asked me if I needed to climb a stepladder for her to suck my dick.

      Her reply: “yeah, and my pussy needs it when he lies on his back and asks me to fuck him on top!”

  • Lee says:

    I would hope that, after I said “gosh, aren’t you tall” you would give me the chance to say “I like that” before you busted me in the jewels. ;)

  • Martin says:

    I agree with everything here – although at 6ft 5 myself (male), I find that this is slightly outside what people would class as just being tall and 6ft 5 or taller being “freaky”.

    When internet dating a few years ago, having my height at 6ft 5 resulted in little interest. Changing it to 6ft 4 changed to a fair bit of interest.

    I love tall girls – and if they are wearing heels etc then good for them and so much the better!

  • stac says:

    I love this site.. I’m dating.. Both a short 5’5 man that has a few pounds on him in the belly mostly.. He is confident and awesome.. He knows how to take care of business… Your right I would not have looked at him on a dating site.. He was introduced to me by a friend.. I’m do happy I gave him the time of day.. It’s been great!!

  • Notalurkeranymore says:

    I’ve always felt shitty about this, but I really prefer men who are taller than me. (I’m a 6’2″ girl so I’ve never been with a taller woman, but I’m guessing I’d like that, too.) In point of fact I’ve only hooked up with two people taller than me ever, out of a fair few who represent the panoply of genders kicking about. But those two guys both stand out like Iron Man and the Hulk in the Avengers: I can say Hawkeye or Thor is just as effective, but it would be a damn lie.

    So I go around hooking up with perfectly nice shorter people, some of whom I could maybe fall in love with someday, but daydreaming about how it feels when my body is the one engulfed, and I’m the one who finally feels small.

    I wish it didn’t matter to me, but it’s really fukken nice when it works out.

  • Michaela says:

    Just one thing: a tall girl means long legs. Show me a guy who doesn’t like that…

  • Ava says:

    Standing at 5″1 myself, I always thought tall girls were so much more confident. I’ve seen dozens of guys go crazy about girls who are taller than them or very close to their height. A lot of them actually encourage shrimps like me to wear heels, something I’m lousy at, just to look more attractive. Glad I actually saw it from a different perspective though. It’s quite interesting knowing either way, someone thinks you should be different.

  • Bo says:

    Being a short guy can be an absolute curse.

    It’s great that you are open-minded in this respect GOTN, which is unsurprising because you are generally open-minded.

    The vast majority of straight women are not so inclined it seems. I recall a study based on Ok Cupid data supporting this (although I can’t find it online). Discussions with people online corroborate this fact (I don’t think I’m allowed to insert links here but one can read, for example, a few comments on the guardian article that will be found if you search “guardian online men lie height”). Height is a massive turn-on/off to a big proportion of straight women (likewise weight for men…and race as OkC data have also shown).

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