GOTN Avatar

On the smell of your vagina

Listen up, ladies, you stink! It’s awful. Did you know that you constantly exude vaginal juices? Have you ever taken the time to just… smell yourself? Sheesh, it’s gross.

We wouldn’t mind, but this repulsive stench isn’t something you confine to the comfort of your own pathetic hovel, you’re out there amongst us in society – at the bus stop, in the office, on the tube – leaking.

You disgust us.

The considerate amongst you will by now be thinking: ‘What’s the solution? How can I prevent the unsavoury odour of my womanhood from penetrating the delicate nostrils of a general public which – completely understandably – thinks I am foul?’

Well, you need to clean yourself up, for a start. Not only should you shower every morning and wash those natural cunty juices away with a special vaginal soap, but ideally you will be aware of your potential to stink during every single waking minute of your day.

Showering in the office can be impractical, but luckily for you we have a solution. A solution to that disgusting thing that your body does. A solution that means vaginal cleanliness is not just something you need to worry about when you’re in the shower – it’s something you’re free to worry about whenever you get within sniffing distance of another human being.

Congratulations, you can ‘woo-hoo your froo froo’ with delightfully scented wipes.
And by ‘woo-hoo your froo-froo’ we mean ‘wipe your cunt.’

You, yes – you. Wipe your cunt, you disgusting bitch.

Or if you – like us – think it’s horrible and can’t bear to touch it, try spraying it with something.

There’s only one thing more abhorrent than the smell of a woman’s vagina, and that’s the smell of a woman’s menstruating vagina. Just the very idea of it has me dry-heaving. So for crying out loud if you’re on your period, have the common decency to buy some scented tampons.

Please don’t buy this shit

It is completely natural to smell of something. It is natural for your vagina to leak, and it is natural for your vagina to smell like… well, a vagina. It isn’t minty-fresh, it isn’t strawberry-flavoured and it certainly isn’t a fucking flower. But every single day marketing people will try and persuade you that it should be sweet-smelling, inoffensive, and as unnoticeable as possible.

So, from the centre of my brain right down to my post-wank musky-scented cunt – I implore you not to buy this shit.

This is important – so important – because over the next ten years this will only get worse. This post was prompted by creepy adverts that appeared in London asking women to buy products that are ‘woo hoo for my froo-froo’ – a noxious spray of marketing pisswank that doesn’t even have the courage to call a vagina ‘a vagina’.

In the future we’ll be asked not just to wax as much hair off our bodies as possible, wear makeup, conform to a certain shape, and have our tits lifted when we have the temerity to age, we’ll also be expected to panic constantly about whether our cunt smells like cunt. And woe betide us if it does.

So don’t buy this shit. Tell your friends not to buy this shit. And most of all, please remind your teenaged daughters why they don’t need to buy this shit. Because over their long lifetimes their cunts will ooze gallons of discharge and girlwank. If they grow up thinking that this is a ‘hygiene problem’ that requires a ‘solution’ we condemn them to an impossible task  – making sure that, for as much of the day as possible, their cunts smell like anything but cunt.

It’s miserable, guilt-laden bullshit created by people who want your money. They are not providing a ‘solution’ to your ‘hygiene problem’, they are inventing a problem and a new way for you to feel small, then offering to take your money to make the pain go away.

In case you think I’m being too harsh, in case you’re thinking ‘yes, but some women want this’ – fine. Some women might. I’m not going to dictate whether you should or shouldn’t wipe your cunt with expensively-packaged rags. But what I am saying – no, screaming wildly as I smash my head into the keyboard – is this:

Do it if you want to, but don’t ever let anyone persuade you that you need to.

51 Comments

  • You don't need to know my name says:

    As a man, I wholeheartedly agree. I’ve never met a vagina I didn’t like the smell and taste of.

  • Ash says:

    The thought of taking away that beautiful vagina smell…I just shivered at the thought of it. Every time I eat a girl out I spend the next few hours smelling my upper lip and smirking like a smug bastard who just stuck his tongue in vagina which most of the men around me haven’t been able to do. If I wanted my lips to smell of fruit I’d buy lip balm.

  • obscure user name says:

    I’m going to refer to my cunt as a fucking flower from now on. Kind of like Ash and his ‘boom stick’.

    But seriously, using these things sounds like the quickest way to fuck up the natural biological cleaning system of your vagina and get lots of nice infections.

    Also, my cunt juices smell and taste fine fine when I’m licking them off the boyfriend ;)

  • crafty banker says:

    I could not agree more. What a pile of shit these people serve us up with.

    And the subliminal message to us men (for what that’s worth) is that a woman is supposed to smell like concoction brewed in a dingy lab in Harlow, not a real human being with real human smells and real human feelings. I love the way that a woman smells – never fucked one yet who didn’t smell gorgeous, especially when she’s sweaty and cunty after a session.

    Fuck me rigid….

  • Procrasturbator says:

    I refuse to buy scented pantyliners – firstly because of all the above reasons and my cunt smells just fine thank you very much, but secondly because they have a very distinctive and far-too-strong smell. That anybody around you on a bus who has ever been down the feminine hygiene aisle will recognise, and think “that girl is wearing a scented pantyliner”. *shudder*

  • UpsidedownM says:

    In reply to your tag – http://freshballs.com/

    I’m not sure which is more annoying, the prancing around of ‘froo froos’ or the crudeness of ‘Freshballs’, because you know, women are delicate and men are men and say it how it is. BALLS. Yeah.
    Patronising arsefucks.

    • Girl on the net says:

      Fucking hell – that came as a surprise. Well, I guess men are screwed as well. We’re all doomed to lead lives wiping our delicate areas with expensive shite just to keep up with the fresh-bollocked and clean-cunted Joneses. Goddamn.

      Am reasonably intrigued that they illustrated the splash page of that site with a lady, though. Men want fresh balls, but they also want pictures of ladies that have seemingly nothing to do with the product. *headdesk*

      • Trialia says:

        I had a further look at that site, and they sell products ‘Fresh Breasts’, ‘Fresh Feet’ and ‘Fresh Baby’s Bottom’ as well. Might partly explain the booby picture.

  • Jay says:

    Thank fuck for this fantastic piece of writing. I am nearly 45 and I have never, ever bought or used any product to make my vadge smell like anything other than what it is. My mother, who my father often described as having her nose too near her arse, was obsessed by body odour. Thankfully I haven’t inherited either her dog-like sense of smell or her self-hatred x

  • myname says:

    I’m surprised that people apparently can smell vaginal juices while in the office, on the bus, in the train, or walking down the street with so many other people and smells around. I would not even be able to tell the smell of anyone below the belt unless I plant my nose there (with the exception of smelly feet in small confined spaces).

  • Fat Tom says:

    This was last around in the mid seventies (does “feminine freshness” ring any bells?) I think it went away by itself then, and I expect this will too.

  • Totally anonymous username says:

    You are absolutely 100% on the money. I saw that bloody ‘woo hoo’ advert on a ‘phone box last year and actually stopped in my tracks and said “oh, DO fuck off.” Just. Fuck.

  • Chris R @chr1sr0berts says:

    Brilliant, love this blog, great analysis. On which note, there’s a very good article (from around 1990 I think) that I remember reading a few years back. It’s in the book “Feninist Television Criticism” – article is called “The Ideology of Freshness” link here: http://m.jci.sagepub.com/content/14/1/82.extract
    *at least it’s an extract from it*

    Anyway, lovely stuff and I wholeheartedly agree.

  • Molly says:

    I do so love a good rant, both having them and reading them but this has to be one of the best ones I have read in ages. Bravo!

    Mollyxxx

  • Ferns says:

    That shit makes me sooo angry. Pussy is *supposed* to smell/look/taste like pussy. Suck it!

    Ferns

  • BDP says:

    Well, fuck this and the misogynistic horse it rode in on!

    I am so sick of the mdia wanting to know what I’ve got in my knickers and how I’m keeping it. Waxed? Hairy? JAZZLED? Smelly? FRESH? Fuck off!

    Apparently the Femfresh deodorant (an aerosol…for your cunt…is that safe?!) will make me feel fresh and confident. Thank GOD, because lord knows I’ve spent many an evening too afraid and insecure to go out, lest someone catch a whiff of my cunt.

    I am so sick of this shit. And seriously, this is aone-way ticket to getting thrush. STFU, femfresh.

  • Info says:

    As in the words of the great old song “Nothing could be finer than the smell of your virgina in the…morning”
    But seriously the worrying factor is that many women may believe these ads and cover up that wonderful scent that nature intended to be attractive to men. So open wide and spread the scent ladies…

  • Patsy Poo says:

    One should never use anything but plain water to wash tie ladyparts. Soaps of all kinds – even the ones ‘specially made’ for this purpose – upset the PH balance down there and promote odour, rather than removing it.

    Ask your doctor… they will tell you the same.

  • nixon says:

    A (further) horrible thought occurs. Do you think they told the model before she became the poster child for Western society’s latest nadir? I mean, can you imagine… you do a few “catalogue poses” for your portfolio, sign them over to an agency, think nothing of it for a couple of years… then one day, you’re walking past a phone box, thinking “oh fucking hell, ‘froo froo’, that is just…” and then realising it’s YOUR FACE?

    None of the women I know would be stupid enough to buy this, I hope that turns out to be a representative sample. Wishful thinking, perhaps. Can’t imagine any doctors being in favour of this, though, and it’s the sort of thing where if enough people point out it’s worse than useless, skepticism reaches critical mass and the product is no longer viable. I don’t even know what I’m talking about now, I’m paralysed with the horror of waking up tomorrow to find I’m the new face of FreshBalls.

  • Russ says:

    http://youtu.be/M9fFOelpE_8
    Mitchell and Webb sketch on adverts aimed at women and men.
    I think marketing men hate women.

  • ladybug says:

    I know you’re a well-informed lady, so presume you’ve already seen this, but re vagina – it’s not just marketeers who get their (chemically-scented) knickers in a twist about the word. Politicians of the US variety do too.

    http://gawker.com/5918682/michigan-lawmaker-banned-from-speaking-on-house-floor-after-saying-the-word-vagina-during-abortion-bill-debate

    • Girl on the net says:

      I have indeed, but thank you for adding. Someone sent this to me on Twitter and I was… I don’t even think ‘disgusted’ is the word, I was too busy being surprised. Genuinely found it difficult to comprehend the avalanche of ignorant stupidity behind this one.

  • ADHDCanuck says:

    I really liked this article :) Nicely done.
    The goddamn captcha i have to figure out just to express some support is unwelcome though. It’s a tough one!!

  • “Oh yeah. Girl power. Cunt cunt cunt. Go us! Women kind! Wooooooo”

    Here’s an update ladies: Yawn.

    I mean, seriously… Do you think guys talk dick jokes all day?

    (…bad example…)

    • Girl on the net says:

      OK, I’m stumped. I have no idea what point you’re trying to make, or indeed what any of this has to do with dick jokes.

  • JustMe says:

    That stuff is toxic for your body. Absolutely awful.

    Shooting chemicals up my vag? No thanks.

  • anna gurney says:

    yep – keep, i’ll continue to keep chemicals away from my vag

    keep posting :)

  • Hu-man says:

    Christ almighty!!! women are wonderful, they look wonderful and smell wonderful! i think the poor women that read this need reassuring that – IT’S NOT TRUE!!!! you women are all lovely, just keep to a regular and normal routine of showering or bathing like everyone else.

  • Ian says:

    There’s no filthier smell in the whole world than ripe, wet cunt. There’s nothing sexier than getting a waft of soaking gash whilst sitting next to an attractive women that you are determined to fuck, it is the female equivilent of the bulge in the pants, when you get that aroma you know you are getting your cock wet later. The smell of cunt juice while you fuck is just beautiful it is the perfect smell! Fuck fanny fresh give me a stinking, soaking gash anytime.

    • James says:

      THIS, oh jesus, I have to agree with every guys’ comment I’ve seen so far here; the natural smell and taste of a wet pussy is glorious to behold. If my heads between your legs and I smell roses, I’m walking. And the bit about the bulge, so true, I have to know the girls interested.

      Also, on captcha, don’t know if you can change it but have you seen http://sweetcaptcha.com/ very neat one based on pictures. Easy for humans, hard for computers.

  • Keily G says:

    Yes. Yes. YES. I love the smell of my cunt. I love the taste of my cunt. Especially on my boyfriend’s face.

  • Pavel says:

    Sorry to bother with linguistic questions, but I’m not a native English speaker and would like to ask something. What ‘froo’ is commonly used to imply and why would it be suitable to use it in the mentioned ad?

    • Girl on the net says:

      Hey Pavel – the word ‘froo’ doesn’t really mean anything. One of the things this advertising campaign is doing is using very childlike words to describe a ‘vagina’. A ‘Froo froo’ is a phrase that women a hundred years ago might use to describe a ‘vagina’, or very young girls might use today, if they were too embarrassed to say ‘vagina.’ Hope that helps!

      • Pavel says:

        Many thanks, that’s exactly what I was interestred in.

        • Sophia says:

          I suspect the advertising campaign made it up, I’ve never heard it before, and it doesn’t appear on any of the lists of “slang for vagina” that people have been batting around later.

  • Charlotte says:

    I completely agree with everything you are saying here. Unfortunately I do buy the shower gel because after suffering from thrush on and off for years, I found normal soaps are no good for me. People in the comments are saying this stuff is just as bad, and I will look into it, but I know what works for me.
    I don’t feel forced into buying the products, it’s a matter of choice because I do like to feel clean all over after a shower.
    Getting technical, I wipe it OVER not INSIDE me, perhaps thats where some people are going wrong.
    Having said this I do find the adverts ridiculous and SO wrong and might think more about why I use certain products.
    To be honest, I started buying the stuff before I ever saw an advert for it and continue out of habit.
    No, women shouldn’t be made to feel bad about their vaginas, but I don’t think they should be made to feel bad about buying a product that will help them feel clean if that’s what they want.

  • Guy says:

    As a guy, I agree that for me the smell of cunt is a massive turn on so girls, make sure you have that afternoon wank and don’t wash before going out for that evening on the pull.

    PS Love hairy cunt too, though waxed is fine if that’s what you want

  • BLOOG says:

    HAIRY CUNT IS WONDERFUL.

  • Goo-er-naughtygirl says:

    After reading this I feel way better about myself. My husband tells me nothing smells better than my pussy when it’s sopping wet. With that being said, I just read this and I was so angry about his post (I know freedom of speech and all that fucking shit) but it fucking pissed me off….

    http://www.jimgoad.net/goadabode/otherarticles/womstink.html

    This would give any woman a complex! For fuck sakes, someone needs to tell him that sweaty ball sack doesn’t smell like roses!!!

    • Girl on the net says:

      Wow. It sounds to me like that guy doesn’t like women that much. Like, he actually just hates them so much that actually having sex with one sounds like a horrible chore/rite of passage that he’d rather not do. Also, he is worryingly obsessed with race. Reminds me of a comedy club I went to in New York where nearly every single one of the jokes involved pointing someone in the audience out and making ‘ironic’ references to the stereotype of their particular racial background. Cringe.

  • Sam says:

    In my experience as a man, which means I’ve spent more time closer-up in vaginas than most heterosexual women have, I have to say… some vaginas smell delicious, in their own, often unique way. Many don’t smell of much, which is ok. But the odd few really do stink, enough to put me off going down there, and having to wash the stench off myself afterwards.

    And like the guys here, I love to have the scent of nice fanny on my face or body or wherever. But some ladies have something else. A sort-of brownish sticky stuff that smells horrible. No, nothing menstrual, I even like the taste of that.

    So a minority of women have a problem. Whether the answer is soap, or a new washing technique, or some goddam miracle yoghurt, I know not.

    I dunno if female noses are built to find fresh vaginal scent attractive or not, so I dunno if you can tell yourselves whether you smell nice or not. Hope you can.

    But there’s some message somewhere not getting through to some women. I dunno how to bring up the problem in person or what the solution is. Let me know when you’ve sorted that out between yourselves.

  • Special says:

    The smell of a woman is a special thing, every one has a unique smell and a man will equate this with sexuality, covering up the natural smell is not attractive, in fact the more comfortable a woman is with her natural scent, the more arousing it becomes.

  • ambili says:

    my husband like to smell my pussy.but i not give it for smell him. my pussy is hairy and allways wet that area. i think pussy licking is a bad habit of men.

  • Zuni says:

    Maybe this is more of a British thing. Here in the U.S. I learned in my public high school that vaginas naturally clean themselves and thus don’t need to even be washed in the shower. Oh, I’m sure there are similar products sold here but I’ve never seen anyone care about them.

  • DAVE says:

    I HAVE THREE WONDERFUL SISTER’S AND A LOVELY WIFE FOR ELEVEN YEAR’S AND CAN HONESTLY SAY WITHOUT HESITATION,THAT ALL OF THEM SMELLED WONDERFUL,EVEN ON THEIR “OFF” DAY’S. MY SISTER’S AND WIFE NEVER SMELLED LIKE FLOWER’S,THEY SMELLED THE WAY YOU’D WANT A WOMEN TO SMELL—-LIKE A WOMEN—OF COURSE!

  • Gothi says:

    I wish I’d read this a decade or two ago.. it would have saved me a whole heap of bother.
    I grew up in a household where there should be no smells from anywhere, feet, armpits, generally musky sweaty body scent and definitely not from my vagina. I was brought up using these hygiene products and when I started getting candida infections I was told to use tcp to get squeaky clean (internally as well as externally).
    It wasn’t until about three years ago a nurse sat me down and talked about my issues with scent, candida and cleanliness. When I told her, she explained how much damage I’d caused, I’d killed off nearly all the good bacteria, it’s left me with the vaginal equivalent of a compromised immune system, I now have allergies to latex, chemicals and a host of other things.
    My body is very very slowly repopulating the good bacteria, but the scars left in my head about the disgusting scent of a sopping wet cunt are taking longer to heal.
    I no longer use anything like soap or cleanser anywhere around my vagina, warm water showers are the way to go.

    I hate the advertising campaigns that these companies use… they affected two generations of females in my family, by worming their way into the cultural subconscious.

  • Victoria says:

    Using products like this destroys the normal flora in the vagina, and can mess with the pH. This can lead to risk of infection, as microorganisms love when your bodies defences are down. It also produces hormones and pheromones that males are attracted to. The vagina is a self cleaning, beautiful peice of anatomy. Respect it for what it is, and the natural scent it has.

  • Bruce says:

    I agree wholeheartedly with your excellent article. it makes me so pissed off that lots of women have been conditioned to view anything feminine about their bodies in this way. It’s a tribute to our human resilience that there are plenty of people who share your views.
    We men have something to answer for by keeping quiet about it. will I be brave enough to share this on facebook – what will my Mum say?

  • I actually have the opposite problem – being too dry. I suspect it could be a side effect of one of my medications for migraine. Can anything be done about being too dry? It gets really painful sometimes, even when we’re not having sex.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *