Fingering: I miss getting fingered the way I used to

Image by the incredible Stuart F Taylor

I’ve seen a few things recently that have made me rethink my stance on fingering. Until now, that stance has been wholeheartedly ‘pro’, with legs open and jeans pulled down to the middle of my thighs to allow you space to work.

Fingering is, in my opinion, ace. There’s something a bit primal about it and, like so many of the things that make me weak at the knees, it reminds me of furtive teenage fumbling. Of those days in my youth when boys had been so terrified by articles telling them how hard it was to find the clitoris that none of them even bothered looking – choosing instead to plunge straight in to my cunt with two fingers and a breathless gasp of wonderment.

Getting fingered

I think part of it is due to my obsessive love of hands – I think they’re one of the most beautiful and sexual parts of a guy’s body. The ‘third base’ gesture – middle and third finger curved towards his palm – makes me hot in a giggling, dirty way. If there were bike sheds to go and fumble behind, that is how I would like a boy to beckon me towards them.

What’s more, the two spare fingers (the first and little finger, for those not keeping up) are curved so neatly up against me that it’s almost comforting. It definitely implies the sort of control which I thoroughly enjoy.

Last, but by no means least, the thumb. Now any of you who were lucky enough to be fingered in your teens will probably be aware that – barring the occasional advanced fingering practitioner – it takes years of practice for someone to hone their skills enough that the thumb comes into play. When I was young I’m pretty sure guys let their thumbs just sit there at the top of my thigh, getting ever-so-slightly in the way and serving no useful function. Now I’m an adult, though, it’s unusual for a guy not to use his thumb as well¬†– if anyone fingered me without so much as trying to thumb my clit at the same time, I’d be surprised by the nostalgic novelty in the same way as I would if I got IDed for buying cigarettes.

Not everyone likes fingering

This goes without saying for any sexual act, of course, but recently I’ve read a couple of blogs and articles, and had subsequent conversations, in which women have expressed anything from a general dislike of fingering (“Why would you bother when you could just go down on me?”) to a complete loathing of it (“Keep your fingers outside of my body or I will break them”).

I can see why this is – too often fingering is accompanied by unintentional scratching, or angular pokes. And it can occasionally be reminiscent of lying on your back in the doctor’s office, legs spread and teeth gritted while someone pokes around at you with all the enthusiasm of an underpaid mechanic. Perhaps the main difference in whether people like fingering boils down to what they associate it with:

  • Fumbling at the hands of an enthusiastic if unskilled lover: hot.
  • Fumbling at the hands of a skilled yet detached professional: not so hot.

Bring back fingering

Hot or not, I think we need to bring back ‘fingering’. The word, I mean. Because when I was tits-deep in the dating scene, I’d spend my time either gently guiding a guy’s fingers to the right place, or being surprised that he’d taken the initiative to do so without me prompting him. At no point did anyone say ‘hey, I don’t suppose you fancy getting fingered, do you?’ People don’t talk about fingering as openly as they do about spanking or head. It just hovers there, undiscussed, as if we’re either not sure we should still be doing it as adults or we’ve become so used to it that it blends into the background.

Correct me if I’m wrong – as ever this is written based on my own limited and flawed experience. But in that limited and flawed experience, it seems that fingering is either absent or assumed.

In the case of the former, those of us who love it need to take the initiative and ask for it a bit more often. It’s distinct and different from getting a clit-rubbing hand job – the aim being penetration rather than necessarily a swift orgasm. And the delights of this can’t be underestimated, or under-requested if it’s your thing.

In the case of the latter, where it’s assumed that fingering is a natural step on the path to hotness, it’s even more important that we revive the word. If we’re more comfortable saying it, we’ll be more comfortable both expressing a preference against it and – crucially – asking partners whether they’re up for it. There are certain things you’re fairly safe to assume (if I let you touch my left breast then you can assume that touching my right one is a-OK), but that your partner will want you to shove your fingers into their softest bits probably isn’t one of them.

Thing is, while cock-based hand-jobs are usually a variation on the same theme (rub, keep rubbing, etc) , the two types of hand-job you can give to someone with a vagina are as distinct as… well… as having your clit rubbed and getting fingered. “Oh God I want a hand job” could easily mean either one of these things, or both at the same time.

If we reintroduce and loudly reclaim the word ‘fingering’ from our shyer teenage selves, we not only save ourselves a whole world of bother, but we get exactly the sort of hand-jobs we want, exactly when we want them.

18 Comments

  • Alice says:

    I need to be fingered. It’s like an ache, a longing to be filled. To feel that first finger go in, to be stretched open, to clamp and clench and throb around it is something I will never get tired of. Add a second finger and I’m in heaven. Surprise me by adding a third and telling me makes me feel hot and dirty in a way a rub of the clit can never do. Or shove two fingers in without regard, fuck my cunt in a way that tells me I will orgasm, that you want to rip that orgasm from me, that you own that orgasm and I’ll be a panting, breathless, squirting mess of a girl.

    • Cheryl says:

      Sounds as though I could have written that! I love a good hard fingering.

    • John M says:

      Ever had someone try a third? Whenever I’m doing it, I’ve found that bunching my first three fingers into a tight triangle, pushing them all in, then gently and firmly spreading for a couple of seconds gets some very nice reactions.

      I’ve got fairly small hands though, so I’m not sure if it would work with every guy.

  • Fingering is surprisingly effective as the G-spot is on the front wall of the woman’s vagina, and the end of the middle finger can just about reach it. The joints of the finger allow one to curl the fingertip right onto it. I don’t know why more people don’t do it. It’s the first sexual thing I ever learned to do. (Admittedly, she was a bit rough and that was ALL I wanted to do.)

  • Cindy says:

    I recently rediscovered fingering! As a teen, it was a hot step toward something else, or a right of passage for the boy. It felt good, but just made me achier for a bang. As an adult, I have discovered, through a patient and eager to study boyfriend, that fingering gives me the kind of squirting orgasm that clit play cannot. I love both types of climax; will ask for fingering when clit play is over. And, yes, 2-3 fingers is so satisfying.

  • I love being fingered! It’s the general step before fucking. Gotta warm up the waters and all that. Although recently my vagina being poked at 2am isn’t going down too well (who knew, sleep apparently comes before sex occasionally, am I getting old?!)
    Or even just mutual masturbation. That’s hot. He fingers me with both hands. If you’re gonna do it, might as well make use of all those fingers! And he sure as hell better use them whilst doing oral too.. or even sex. Fingers fingers fingers. Yup. Need those in me.

  • R says:

    When I was a lad the term du jour was “poke”. Glasgow is a wonderful place at times, but this one word has never not raised a stifled laugh, even 15 years later.

  • I will quite frequently tell my husband that he needs to finger me, or that I want his fingers, whenever the mood strikes me – which is often

  • Babefiend says:

    There are girls that don’t like fingering?! Gosh, well this is a surprise to me and my girlfriends I would imagine.

    I love it, I can do it and have it done to me for hours. It’s the only thing guaranteed to get me squirting, to give me that release of girljizz all down my thighs. And once I’m primed from it then the next gush is only a filthy command, the right look or a good fucking away.

    Hurrah for fingering, usually my preference to anything else you may have to offer – combine it with those offerings and I’ll be weak at the knees.

    Great post, once again x

  • Cheryl says:

    Fingering is wonderful. It’s the sort of thing you can do sometimes discreetly in a public place and that is very hot indeed! Although outside Waterstone’s on a busy street is not very discreet at all is it?

  • Caramella says:

    I was reading this post last night at the pub, as I waited for a young man to join me. It was our first date, and he *may* have walked up and introduced himself as my phone was on the table, illuminating one of the several ‘fingering’ subheadings. Luckily this didn’t seem to scare him off.

  • Toni says:

    It never occurred to me that people don’t do this but equally I can understand why people don’t enjoy it until recently (I’m 33) I’d been on the fence about it but then I met a guy who was very very good at it, it made all the difference. I’d always thought female ejaculation was a myth too until I met that same guy. I think the person doing the fingering can really affect the enjoyment of the experience.

  • Rj says:

    My favorite is inserting my ring and middle finger with my palm against her clit. I don’t go in and out, but more up and down. That let’s me use my arm strength better. The best though is to not let her cum from fingering, get her really close, then just flip her over and fuck her from behind. I had an older asian gf in the military that trained me well.

  • KazzaN16 says:

    I have been visiting here on and off for a while – I enjoyed reading this piece. Reminded me of many very late teen saturday afternoons being fingered whilst gently stroking the naked stiff cock of my ‘fingerer’ on each occasion. It was an experience, often building up to first full sex with partner. but a nice experience.

    It was always a saturday. I lived in a village away from civilisation and had a string of boyfriends from the nearby main town – which I went to visit on a saturday. My cunt often ached in anticipation of saturday, of ‘us’ finding a quiet spot or his (whoever he was at the time) parents being out for several hours. Many times I had to finger myself when I got home whilst mentally revisiting that afternoon.

    Perhaps we should re-name saturday ‘fingering day’.

  • Lee says:

    Did post on this elsewhere, but gentle scissoring of two fingers seemed to work amazingly for my partner, to go with gentle thumb circles round and over what she refers to as her “best bit”.

    *dreamy gaze*

  • Sarah says:

    Ah, fingering. It’s like calling breakfast, breakfast. So many amazing options.

    I am very small down below so fingering and a good stretch is pretty essential – although when I’m pinned down and fucked before I’m warmed up, that has its upside too ;)

    Because I am small, I discovered with my first proper boyfriend that all it needed was his thumb, pointing downwards, pressing on the back wall and it feels like it’s in your cunt and ass at the same time. Wow.

    I love a single finger sliding in and out, and I love the opposite. My husband is seriously skilled with his hands. Recently, he’s been enjoying coming either in my mouth while I kneel on the floor, or sitting on my face while I lick his ass, then spinning round and coming on my face (after sex, and my coming about ten times, obviously). To reward me, he gets me to lie on my back, spread my legs and hold them up at the knees, or use my hands to spread my cunt open. Then he’ll work on me with both hands – one hand will rub my clit with the thumb in my ass, while the other works on getting as many fingers into my cunt as he can. The other day, when he told me he had all four and the thumb in, slamming hard into me, I screamed the bloody house down. My clit is so sensitive afterwards, he can’t touch me at all – but it’s so worth it. Best orgasms ever.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.