It’s late in the evening, and we’ve already shagged once. The kind of sex that left my legs so trembly I felt it in my thighs as we walked down the street to get dinner. Idly wondering, as we made our way there, if passers-by could tell by my messy hair and unsteady gait that I’d just been thoroughly fucked. We went for pints and food. Played pub Jenga on a table outside. I sipped my cider and perved on him shamelessly: enjoying the view of his steady hands carefully pulling bricks from the rickety tower, the way his t-shirt stretched against his taut arms as he reached up to place them on top. Fixating on how the collar opened slightly to flash of the edge of his sexy tattoo.

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When we walk in the door of the strip club, I can guarantee that the people his eyes are drawn to are the dancers. The one on stage half-naked, the ones hanging out by the bar flirting with customers, one or two emerging from the curtained-off booths at the back of the room. My eyes, on the other hand, are firmly fixed on the men – him included.

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Have you watched Netflix’s How To Build A Sex Room? Episode one is not indicative of the show overall, so if you’ve only watched the first it might be worth sticking with it. When I first settled down to watch it, I was deeply frustrated by its giggly, sex-is-a joke attitude. Not to mention the fact that they didn’t do what they’d promised us in the title they would: show us How To Build A Sex Room. The programme was lacking in all the details a horny amateur DIY enthusiast would need, such as how to determine which fixings to use for mount points (they call them ‘hard points’ which I think is less sexy) and which fabrics give the best attractive-yet-wipe-clean finish. BUT. I stuck with it, because I like watching people talk about kink equipment, and now I’m here to tell you all that How To Build A Sex Room is actually fucking GREAT.

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A while ago when I was struggling for blog ideas, Betty Butch suggested a round-up of the hottest posts I’ve ever written. I love this suggestion, not just because it allows me to openly engage in the kind of shameless self-promotion I’d usually have to shoehorn in subtly, but also because ‘hottest posts’ is such a subjective measure that it gives me the chance to pick from a few different types.

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One of the things that blogging is good for, I think, is showing people a far broader range of stories and journeys than you’d get if you relied solely on mainstream media for your messaging around sex. People with lived experience can join discussions to give you tips based on what has worked for them. Recently I wrote about the film Good Luck to You, Leo Grande, and the powerful message it gave about sexuality – you are never too late to start exploring and enjoying your body. In response to my piece, the fabulous @BibulousOne (who writes beautifully here – Pain As Pleasure) got in touch offering to share his thoughts as an older man who began his own sexual adventures later in life, and I’m so grateful to him for being willing to share what led him to start exploring kink in his fifties, as well as a few useful lessons for the rest of us no matter what our age…

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