Everything’s shit: register to vote

Image by the brilliant Stuart F Taylor

Have you noticed how utterly shit things have been lately? You should register to vote! It’s bleak and miserable and oh God I wish it wasn’t, but the fact is that this is the best chance we’ve got to make things a little less shit. And although the majority of you reading this probably aren’t eligible to vote in the UK election, there may well be a few people reading this who are eligible yet not registered, and could probably do with a nudge. Consider this your nudge: register to vote!

You have until 11:59pm on 26th November – that’s this Tuesday – then come 12th December you get to pop on a festive hat and head down to the polling station, safe in the knowledge that you did your bit when it comes to making the UK a less horrible place to be.

But who should I vote for?

As an entirely non-partisan blogger with absolutely no skin in this game, I couldn’t possibly tell you who to vote f- HAHAHAHAHA sorry, couldn’t resist.

You should vote for NOT THE TORIES.

Obviously in a perfect world, you’d vote for the candidate who best represents your own political opinions, and who you believe will best represent your constituency with honesty, ethics and integrity. But there aren’t many of them to choose from, so if you want my advice, I’ll advise you to vote NOT TORY.

You don’t actually need me to tell you who to vote for, but for what it’s worth my advice is: find out who your local candidates are, read their election material and manifestos (unless they’re the Brexit Party, obviously, I know you’re not a cunt), then carefully consider who might best represent your political ideals. Now bin the pamphlets, drink two large gin and tonics, and vote for whoever in your constituency is most likely to kick the Tories out.

What is the point of voting at all?

Voting feels useless and insignificant, obviously. The cross you put in that box can and will be used to justify all manner of shit you don’t actually believe, because no political party will ever fully align with your own views. Regardless of what you actually want, we will spend the next God-knows-how-many-years hearing politicians saying ‘will of the people’ at us over and over again like a malfunctioning Talkie Toaster, despite us apparently have no legal right to grab them by the lapels and yell ‘I AM one of the people you tosser!’

It’s a pile of shit.

But as my Mum once told me when I came home with a haircut that made me look like my PE teacher: nothing can be this shit forever.

We can be better. Politics can be better. Regardless of who might win in your constituency, and whether you think NOT THE TORIES stand a chance, you should still register to vote. Even if NOT THE TORIES lose horribly this year, your vote might nudge your constituency a step closer to being one that truly matters.

Register. To. Vote. That way, when 12th December rolls round, we’ll all have a chance to scrawl jagged crosses in boxes in the gym of our local primary school, then return to our homes or workplaces safe in the knowledge that even if everything continues to be terrible, at least we tried our best to make it stop.

Register to vote


  • David Johnson says:

    We have compulsory voting here in Australia, Ms G and we still managed to get it horribly, horribly wrong by re-electing our version of the Tories because they lied mercilessly during campaigning and it’s not illegal to do so. Now our economy, thanks to them and their policies, is rapidly accelerating it’s way down the shitter.

    Tories have been crap for us, don’t let them ruin you too.

  • Thank you.

    I don’t need reminding to register to vote – I’m registered and politically active (and a member of a party, to boot). But thank you for reminding those who may need it.

  • OxyfromSg says:

    Voting is sexy.
    Helping getting good people into government is sexy.

  • Jon says:

    I’m not going to lie, it’s going to be really difficult to wank over this post but if we manage to get the Tories out I’ll be so happy that I’ll probably still manage it.

  • Phillip says:

    I have been waiting. I knew all along, but I had to hear it from you. Not even a little hint? NOW! You spill your guts! I could easily love you❤️

  • Fred Bassett says:

    Agree totally with the sentiment of not voting for the appalling Tories who have over the years done such damage to the country with their policies that only favour the wealthy and big business, but…

  • Tom says:

    Unfortunately the Labour party has been taken over by fantasist and lost all reasonable economic sense or grasp of history, they well fully bankrupt the country with so called freebies for all (not just those that need them) and pointless nationalization storing up billions of debt for future generation to pay off and to boot they’re either anti-semetic or massively ignorant, they will hurt the very people they say they’re fighting for and guaranteeing another period of austerity. nobody likes the Tories I don’t like there policies, I think they’re dishonest and don’t really want to leave the EU but that’s inevitable now. but they’re the only safe choice if you want a future for yourself,future generations and the elderly. best we can hope for is Tory Majority and spend the next five years trying to win Labour back.

    • Girl on the net says:

      I’m not going to tell you to vote Labour, but your logic that voting Tory is ‘the only safe choice’ is really bizarre, especially as you don’t like their policies and think they’re dishonest. They’re dishonest… but also safe? There are other options besides Tory. You could spoil your ballot, or vote for a party that’s neither Tory nor Labour.

      It sounds to me like you want to vote Tory. Which is your prerogative, of course, just don’t try to dress it up like you’re making some sort of noble sacrifice.

      • thomas fleming says:

        I actually want to vote for a sensible Labour party but there isn’t one, unless you live somewhere where someone else other then Tories or Labour can win a Seat that is the only choice, anything else is a protest vote and all, they’r thee safest choice because they’re not going to bankrupt us, it’s as simple as that and no mainstream party is passing honesty test at the moment.

        and spoiling a paper is childish act all it achieves is to annoy the staff who spend the night counting them.

        • Girl on the net says:

          Vote however you want. Just don’t try to pretend you’re not a Tory when you’re voting Tory, and actively campaigning for other people to vote Tory.

  • Capt. Long says:

    Anything but Labour… we’ll, the current Labour party anyway, headed by Comrade Corbyn, Abbot & McDonut.

    I voted for Tony Blair, twice, even though I guessed he would take us to war when the evidence was anything but certain. He was the least worst option then but Labour is definitely the very worst option now, so a vote for the Libs, Greens, or any other colour than blue is a vote for Labour.

    So I voted blue, and finally accepted our fate to leave the EU (I voted to remain). Anything is better than Corbyn because, what does he want apart from free stuff for everyone? He probably thinks of himself as Robin Hood. His policies are the same.

    Imagine if David Milliband had been voted-in all those years ago… things would probably have been so much better.

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