Have you noticed how utterly shit things have been lately? You should register to vote! It’s bleak and miserable and oh God I wish it wasn’t, but the fact is that this is the best chance we’ve got to make things a little less shit. And although the majority of you reading this probably aren’t eligible to vote in the UK election, there may well be a few people reading this who are eligible yet not registered, and could probably do with a nudge. Consider this your nudge: register to vote!
You have until 11:59pm on 26th November – that’s this Tuesday – then come 12th December you get to pop on a festive hat and head down to the polling station, safe in the knowledge that you did your bit when it comes to making the UK a less horrible place to be.
But who should I vote for?
As an entirely non-partisan blogger with absolutely no skin in this game, I couldn’t possibly tell you who to vote f- HAHAHAHAHA sorry, couldn’t resist.
You should vote for NOT THE TORIES.
Obviously in a perfect world, you’d vote for the candidate who best represents your own political opinions, and who you believe will best represent your constituency with honesty, ethics and integrity. But there aren’t many of them to choose from, so if you want my advice, I’ll advise you to vote NOT TORY.
You don’t actually need me to tell you who to vote for, but for what it’s worth my advice is: find out who your local candidates are, read their election material and manifestos (unless they’re the Brexit Party, obviously, I know you’re not a cunt), then carefully consider who might best represent your political ideals. Now bin the pamphlets, drink two large gin and tonics, and vote for whoever in your constituency is most likely to kick the Tories out.
What is the point of voting at all?
Voting feels useless and insignificant, obviously. The cross you put in that box can and will be used to justify all manner of shit you don’t actually believe, because no political party will ever fully align with your own views. Regardless of what you actually want, we will spend the next God-knows-how-many-years hearing politicians saying ‘will of the people’ at us over and over again like a malfunctioning Talkie Toaster, despite us apparently have no legal right to grab them by the lapels and yell ‘I AM one of the people you tosser!’
It’s a pile of shit.
But as my Mum once told me when I came home with a haircut that made me look like my PE teacher: nothing can be this shit forever.
We can be better. Politics can be better. Regardless of who might win in your constituency, and whether you think NOT THE TORIES stand a chance, you should still register to vote. Even if NOT THE TORIES lose horribly this year, your vote might nudge your constituency a step closer to being one that truly matters.
Register. To. Vote. That way, when 12th December rolls round, we’ll all have a chance to scrawl jagged crosses in boxes in the gym of our local primary school, then return to our homes or workplaces safe in the knowledge that even if everything continues to be terrible, at least we tried our best to make it stop.