I sometimes struggle with getting head – finding it hard to get out of my comfort zone when I don’t feel any element of my own submission. But when he tells me ‘I want to taste you,’ it is not submissive. He’s not begging me for a lick that I may or may not deign to give him: he’s issuing a command. In the same way as he’s issuing a command if he tells me ‘bend over’ or ‘take off your knickers’ or – holy fuck this happened recently and it still makes me so horny I squirm – ‘squeeze that cock.’ Uttered in a breathless rush just before the grunt as he comes.
When he tells me ‘I want to taste you’, it is not submissive.
It’s part request (because of course – of course – in this game no fun is ever compulsory) and it’s also partly a challenge. Can I hold still, lie back, spread my legs and let him bury his face in my cunt without crying out and begging to swap the kissing for a fuck?
I’m not usually a fan of getting head. For a number of reasons – I suspect partly because the first time a guy did it to me, he licked half-heartedly for a few minutes before sitting up to tell me he didn’t like it. Partly because others never did it in a way that made me come. Mostly because I am greedy for the other stuff: his cock inside me and his hands all over me as he pins me down and whispers ‘ssssh’ into my ear. The pre-fuck writhing while he eats me out feels like a test of my patience.
But I do it. Not always – occasionally. Just when he’s got the fire in his eyes and a specific craving: ‘I want to taste you.’
In those moments I can lie back and love it. Initial gritted teeth and awkwardness gives way to a rush of desire. Not for the act, but for the atmosphere. The act itself has always been the same: it feels quite nice but rarely spectacular. Sometimes it’s awesome, sometimes just OK, depending on who’s doing it and how eagerly they nuzzle and suck. But it’s not enough – it doesn’t scratch any of my specific itches.
The atmosphere, though? That’s amazing. The feeling that I’m there as something for him to sample and play with, using his tongue and lips to taste me. Rubbing his face right up against my cunt until he’s smeared with juice, smacking his lips and mumbling that I’m a really good girl.
Yeah, that works.
Getting head as a submissive
I’m writing this blog as a response to the Kink of the Week prompt – each week Molly (who blogs at MollysDailyKiss) offers up a kink and bloggers write their own takes on it. This one was ‘cunnilingus’, and one of the things she said in her prompt was this:
“What about cunnilingus within a D/s dynamic? Would love to get some thoughts on how this works within such a relationship dynamic from both dommes/tops and bottoms/subs of both genders? Do you prescribe to the idea that licking pussy is inherently a submissive act and so as a Dom(me) you do not do it?”
I’m not surprised that some people feel giving head is a submissive thing to do, after all most of the time when I do it it’s done as worship, or because I want to be used. But it doesn’t always have to be that way – you can easily be dominant when your face is buried in someone’s crotch. I’ve also had a few debates with people about whether giving blow jobs is ‘unfeminist’ because it involves submitting to a guy who’s shagging you in the face. Obviously I disagree – I don’t think any sex act could be inherently dominant or inherently submissive, because it’s all about the atmosphere in which it’s done.
In the right context, I can be in a position of total power over someone even as they’re beating me with a belt. And, of course, I can be squirming with a sense of submissive humiliation even as they’re worshipping my cunt.
What’s more, my slight squeamishness about getting head makes for an excellent power play. It’s an odd mental block, my dislike of oral, and I really like having it challenged. Even if my toes curl. Even if I feel a bit cold and exposed. Even if I know that I’m not going to come from it this time: I like the challenge.
Best of all, though, I like the way he grips my thighs, digging his hands in to remind me that he’s in control. I like the way he sucks at me, pushing his whole face hard up against my clit, as if he’s trying to get as much of me as possible. I love how hard it makes him to do it, and how hard he fucks me afterwards, as a treat for staying still and being good.
I love that when he brings his face up close to mine, he tells me to lick him clean. He likes the taste of me, and he wants me to taste it too.