I’ve had some serious fun with golden showers/piss play/water sports in my time, but today’s guest blogger has something way more helpful and specific for those of you who’d like to try it yourselves: tips! Using stories from her time as a dominatrix, when she was getting paid to pee on people, Uncensored Kiss is here to bring you a trickle of joy in the form of some pissing top tips. How to pee standing up (if you don’t have a penis), and the best ways to practice so you don’t get stage fright.
Getting paid to pee
When you are becoming a dominatrix there are some things that you never quite anticipate. When I became a dominatrix, I didn’t realise that one of the things I’d be asked to do most frequently was peeing on someone. In fact, whenever one of us went to the bathroom and there was no client we would always joke “That’s seventy-five dollars down the drain!”
I know you’re looking at that price and thinking… thats it? Let me break it down a little.
There are two types of pee clients. Firstly, the ones who want to come in for five minutes – whoever has to pee at that moment is the lucky winner of an easy seventy-five dollars. Then you have the clients who came in for a full session and getting paid to pee on them was part of the session amongst other things.
Working in this industry you learn the lingo, which often varies from what mainstream culture calls things. So while the mainstream name may be ‘golden showers’, for legal reasons we had to call it ‘water sports‘. Likewise, CBT doesn’t mean Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, it means Cock and Ball Torture. We can’t ask you to take off your clothes, instead we gesture at your clothes and tell you to ‘get comfortable’, in case you’re wearing a wire.
How difficult is it?
The first time I had to pee on somebody, I was thrown into it. I was with about four other Dominas. We lined up and stood with one foot on either side of this guy. At his head was the madame, and as she did her job of teasing and taunting and making him appreciate what was about to happen, I was trying to get my muscles to relax and fight against everything I’d be raised to do: pee while standing up, in clothes, sans undies.
To pee on somebody, you cannot in any way shape or form have a shy bladder. You have to go all in and be there for it, ready for it. You have to figure out how to pee standing up, something that – as a cisgender woman – I have not learned. My body was not at all adjusted to peeing standing up, and letting only a few drops go would be a disappointment for a client.
It did not go well for me… my stream wasn’t strong, I peed more on myself than on him and hardly any pee came out at all. It was embarrassing, I was truly mortified. But being in a session you don’t just walk out, so I played it off and they helped me. Thanks to quick thinking, we had him lick my leg after we’d all peed on him. But that was the last time I would ever let a session go that way.
I got tips from the girls, did a little research and decided it was time to start teaching myself. As I was in the process of teaching myself how to do it standing up, I still had clients to pee on, so I came up with an alternative. We had a special device that I used just for clients: a little plastic toilet that stood on it’s own, with a lid and a hole in the center. There was no bowl to catch any of the pee, it stood about 12 inches high and was wide enough to fit over somebody’s head. It looked like a little portable toilet but more devious.
Yup, you guessed it. I would put the toilet over somebody’s head and let rip. It was super simple and made doing this really easy!
I should state that I did not have sex with any of my clients – that was a line that I didn’t want to cross, this focus was fetish. But… in order to pee using this device you have to have your panties off, because honestly there isn’t room to use your hand to move them aside. So I had a client lapping once as I peed away, and I swear to this day I felt the flick of a tongue. This was something that I had always worried about and because of this I made sure to train as much as possible, to reach my standing-up goal.
Thankfully, you have to pee everyday, so training wasn’t difficult. But here are my top tips if you’d like to learn to pee standing up too.
How to pee standing up (if you don’t have a penis)
Stop the stream when you pee. You have to learn to control your kegel muscles and in order to do that you need to use them. The best way to do this is by starting and stopping your stream. So when you go pee, relax then do those kegels and hold it. I would mix it up, sometimes I would hold for 2-5 seconds, sometimes I would just stop and start. I would do this about 3 times in the course of my stream.
Pee in the shower. Peeing in the shower may be something you already do or don’t do, but there are a lot of benefits to practicing this way. No mess, and you can clean yourself off. These things all help too:
- Don’t let water touch you. I would get the water to the temperature I wanted then I would go inside the shower, you just want to be able to see what you’re doing and you can’t do that if you can’t see where you’re peeing. And having water hit you makes that a little hard.
- Spread your legs wide. I had to figure out my best position, it changes for everybody. My position was legs spread, my butt pushed back a little and my knees angled in slightly. The reason I did this was to allow adequate space so I wasn’t peeing on my legs. I’ve got full, thick thighs so I had to spread the right way.
- Feet down or tip toes. I used to pee in heels, so I would practice with my feet flat on the ground to start with and then I started going on my tip toes so that way I could practice with ‘heels’ on or at least in that position.
Be full. In order to pee successfully you need to have a strong stream, that means you need to have a full bladder and push. You won’t have to push as hard if your bladder is full so you can start pushing at the end to help get the rest of that pee out. If it starts to drizzle then use those kegel muscles to hold it in and keep on enjoying your scene. Or you can let it out, the risk of peeing on yourself is very probable at that point but it’s your choice.
To undie or not to undie. As you learn to pee standing up, one of the things you’ll have to figure out is if you want to wear underwear or not. You can take your panties off and keep going on with the scene, or you can keep them on. I kept mine on a lot of the time, but I had scenes where it was easier to take them off. When I kept them on I would just slip my undies to the side and hold them there. It’s easier to do this in a skirt.
Choose your footwear carefully. When I first started peeing on clients standing up, I was still perfecting things and in life you just naturally move around a lot. So I would wear these cute heels that looked great. But sometimes I would get a little pee on my leg… I wasn’t a fan of that personally. So I got thigh high boots, to help with any potential droplets tracing their way down my leg. And they looked ridiculously hot.
Practice makes pee-fect
Peeing on somebody was just one of things I got to do. It was one of things that took some training and that I enjoyed. I taught myself to swirl and go back and forth… I’ve yet to write my name in snow but – hey! You never know when the opportunity might arise!
Mentally, peeing on somebody isn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I knew what I had signed up for, so being kinky and doing these unique fun things were adventures I’d looked forward to. Whenever I tried new things, I set up a couple boundaries I had no intention of crossing and would finalize my rules as I learned the process.
One of the rules I had was no touching. I just peed all over you. I’m not going to smash my body against yours, so I would always try to keep the pee towards the end of the session or involve an activity of cleaning up. Believe it or not, cleaning up and ordering somebody to do it, if that’s what they’re looking for, can really help you make the session what it’s supposed to be.
Everybody has a fetish, I didn’t judge, I enjoyed. Was their fetish my fetish? No, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy it and have fun with it. I enjoyed what I did and when I made a client super happy, it always showed. It was worth it, so I didn’t yuck on anybody’s yum. I just helped them to uncensor their pleasure.