Guest blog: It turns out I’m not lust-proof

Image by the brilliant Stuart F Taylor

This week’s guest blogger has a happy story. One of those stories which makes me want to hug myself because a stranger found their joy. I’m really delighted to welcome Eddie to the blog, as he tells you how a Twitter crush taught him that – despite the bollocks he’s been fed by society about what might count as ‘desirable’ – he isn’t lust-proof after all.

It turns out I’m not lust-proof

I’ve been in one relationship since university. Before that, I knew about the existence of girls, but they didn’t know about me. When you’re the awkward, shy fat kid at school, this is not surprising. University comes around, and I happily agree to go out with the first girl that showed me any romantic attention. Over many years of being with her, I’d thoroughly convinced myself that she was the only woman that would ever show any interest in me. So when she lost interest in sex, I assumed I was pretty much done.

I thought I was lust-proof.

Either I was being professional, or I was known to be attached and therefore off limits, or I didn’t notice flirting because I didn’t believe anyone would do that in my direction, plus I’m pretty careful about not being creepy towards women. We’re talking here about someone who, despite having spent a considerable number of Friday and Saturday nights in Soho with work colleagues, only ever got cruised once by a guy, and never got flirted at by a woman (or so I thought). I had no idea what I’d do about it if I did end up with anyone else, having only slept with two people, so I figured I’d be a hopelessly inexperienced disappointment, and I’d wrongly assumed that middle-aged balding fat guys are not on anyone’s radar anyway.

What actually changed my view, the proverbial smack upside the head, was a friend from Twitter. At one point I let on that I have a bit of a Twitter crush on her. For me, this is about as suggestive as I ever got, and has only happened once. It was not mentioned again. This friend is relatively local, so when one of us suggested meeting up for coffee on a day neither of us was working, it seemed like a good idea and we did exactly that. Had coffee, chatted about various stuff, then went our platonic ways, no flirting whatsoever that I could detect. We did that again some weeks later. Great, a new friend, someone who’s happy to spend time drinking coffee and eating cake. I’m good with that! No subtext, no expectations, just coffee with a friend: I get coffee and people time, I’m happy.

After a third meet up, we arranged a road trip. I had a workplace to visit not far from where she had a date, so we agreed I’d drive up and she could have a lift. The date got cancelled while we were on the way, so we ended up in a shared hotel room, waiting for the next morning where I could finish off my work and then we could drive back. We were well-behaved, wearing pyjamas, and chatting away happily at about midnight. She asked if I’d wondered what might happen, since we had ended up spending the night together – had I decided on what I’d do or not do? My answer was that I didn’t really know, and thought I’d find out if it happened.

Her response to me was to flat out tell me she’d fancied the arse off me since that first coffee, and ask if it would be OK if she sucked my cock.

It seems that my flirt-obliviousness was pretty serious, having missed that. I agreed, and my friend started a very enthusiastic blowjob. I can still recall that moment of realisation that not only was she doing that, but getting off on doing it and was getting what she wanted from it. It didn’t really fit into my head that someone actually wanted to give me a blowjob, but it’s very hard to have doubts when someone is trying to cram your entire dick into their mouth at once. With those doubts dispelled by the massive wave of horn, I embraced the opportunity in front of me, and the rest of the night was the most intense, messy, lust-fuelled fucking I’ve ever had a part in, including new things like being begged to fuck her, and me eventually begging her to stop because I had work in a few hours and needed sleep.

What I’m going through now is the emotional rush of having someone that likes me not just as a friend for the first time in 25 years. It’s very, very powerful, and makes my last 25 years feel like a shadow of what sex can be. Like when you change out the two broken light bulbs in the same room, find the switch for the other lights you’d assumed were broken, and then realise just how dim it was in there.

This new light has illuminated places in me I had never known, never explored. It means I make certain people feel good just by me existing near them. Long-dormant kinks may get revisited, especially when I know somebody else will like them more because it’s me doing it. A small and shrinking part of me still finds it odd, but I am not going to break the spell by listening to it.

I’m told that being objectified for a bit might do me some good. It certainly makes me smile knowing that I can actually be sexy. It’s fair to say that being fancied has changed me from being flirt-oblivious too: I may not be good at flirting, but I’m seeing it more. Now that I can believe it happens to me, I can even see that it’s directed at me on occasion.

Little things like noticing eye contact from someone so often I briefly wonder if I’ve got something on my face, or seeing someone smiling and copying my body language when we’re talking. I’m not dressing differently, but I’m behaving a little differently. From social media engagement to having the confidence to be photographed less than fully clothed, there are a dozen small, incremental changes. I’m still not going to be anything other than a tubby middle-aged guy, but now I know that can be an intensely sexy thing for some people, I’m learning to appreciate it as much as they do.



  • molly says:

    This is just fabulous and definitely fits perfectly into your post about its never too late.


  • Spikesandfluff says:

    Well, this is just delightful, and I’m so glad Eddie found and embraced this!

  • Switchington Bear says:

    Great uplifting story, thank you to Eddie for sharing!

  • Aw, this is so very sweet. And I identify with it muchly. <3

  • Valery North says:

    Brings back so many feelings! Another one-time shy tubby kid here (actually I wasn’t nearly as fat as I thought I was, but I was made to feel unattractive in various ways, and wasn’t good at sports, so formed a self-image that eventually became self-fulfilling). Still shy, still very much tubby, but it made such a huge difference in my life to be seen as desirable.

    I’m autistic, so I was missing the flirting cues for other reasons besides “how could anyone want me?” but that was a part as well for sure. Still need a very direct “Hi, I want to do filthy kinky sexual things for/with/to you” before the penny drops.

    For me, it was that I met people through kink websites (and back when OKCupid was good!) and my being fat wasn’t just something they looked past,it was something that actually added to the hotness – “it makes you so imposing and powerful-seeming!” was the key phrase that broke through the self-image issues.

    Anyway, Eddie – thanks for posting your story, it’s good to know we’re not alone!

  • Archibald Q. KaBoom says:

    Good on ya, Eddie! From one formerly awkward, shy, fat kid-turned-friendly, somewhat outgoing, still kinda heavy but knows how to work it man to another lol

    Keep feeling yourself, and other’s are gonna wanna feel you too lol 👍

  • SpaceCaptainSmith says:

    Aww, what a lovely read! And, while I’m more skinny than tubby myself, this is another one I can feel a lot of sympathy with. Particularly the mixture of surprise and joy that comes from realising, ‘wow, this person is turned on by my body. And not just that, actually likes me for me as well…’

    It is like unlocking something in your brain, learning that people can find you sexy! I hope you use your new superpower responsibly… :)

  • TwoStrokeGuy says:

    I can totally relate to Eddie’s story. I also thought I’m totally lust-proof (although I thought I was too small and skinny and bald). I think I have never flirted with a woman offline and I’m pretty sure nobody ever wanted to flirt with me (I don’t think I’m that autistic to not notice this – it’s just there are no women around me). I tried flirting a couple of times online, but the women always masterfully parried my advances :-).

    Since then I went through a couple of sexual experiences, now I know I’m not 100% lust-proof, only 99.99999% lust-proof. I dated maybe a dozen women I met on OK Cupid-like site, so I’m aware that there are women who actually like me. They are just very-very rare. I remember that when I was just dating my (future) wife, her friends always asked her what does she like in me (obviously they haven’t seen anything in me generating any kind of lust).

  • John C says:

    I had a similar experience some years ago.

    A colleague at the time, and her friend (who I thought was her boyfriend) had come up to Scotland with me for the weekend to do some climbing.

    When we got to the hotel, despite having booked three rooms, the only two available were one that was “linked” to another with a shared bathroom, and a separate en suite room.

    Offered the keys, the colleague immediately took the linked room which I thought was odd. I took the other half of the linked room, and thought “Odd, I’d have thought they’d want it together?”.

    Never mind. Went for dinner, back to the room.

    I checked she didn’t want the shower, she didn’t so I went in to clean myself up. Within 90 seconds, she’d joined me and an evening of high jinks was enjoyed.

    We remained together as a couple for two years.

  • James says:

    How exciting to have someone express themselves so clearly and hornily

  • lonely_guy says:

    I too am completely oblivious to flirting. I don’t really know what it looks like, and wouldn’t have the faintest idea how to do it.

    I’m pretty certain no one ever tried to flirt with me, but I suppose I could have been missing it. Feels unlikely.

    I wonder if a lot of us men feel lust proof, more than we’d think? I honestly cannot remember the last time I received a compliment on my appearance. Women compliment each other all the time.

  • ftandhubby says:

    Enjoyable story and so happy he found someone to enjoy! Theres a lid for every pot and if you have not found yours keep looking!

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