When it comes to sexiness, there are two different types of touch:
- Being touched to turn me on and
- Being touched because it turns you on
One of these, I find, is very much hotter than the other.
That’s not to say that one is inferior, it’s all about personal preference. But one of these gives me that kick-in-the-gut of lust that makes my stomach contract and my cunt wet. The other is nice but often as likely to be met with a ‘meh’ as an ‘mmm’.
It’s obvious, isn’t it? I prefer to be touched not because you want to arouse me, but because you’re aroused by touching me.
Subtle difference, whole world of wet
Assuming that I’m up for sweaty humping with you, it is far, far hotter for you to touch the bits of me that you like rather than the bits the textbooks say will make me wet. Rummaging around in my crotch is all well and good (and it is usually well fucking good) but the sexy thing is not where you’re touching me, but why you’re touching me.
Being touched is lovely – and there are a few specific things that have a 90% success rate in getting me wet. Pinching my nipples, gripping my hair, wrapping one or both of your hands firmly around my neck as you kiss me – these things are all fantastic, and liable to have me moaning and pulling my knickers down before you can say ‘pull your knickers down.’
But rubbing my clit? Not so much. Don’t get me wrong – there is barely a day that goes by when I wouldn’t be grateful for a hand job, but crucially this is something that needs to happen when I am already aroused. Rubbing my clit to arouse me implies a misunderstanding of the process – like asking me to marry you before we’ve even fucked.
If I’m not yet horny, you rubbing my clit makes me feel like you’re going through the motions. It feels like you’re pushing the right buttons to perform a special trick rather than trying – with aching desperation and feverish lust – to fuck the life out of me.
So what’s better? Well, I have a suggestion…
I love it when you rub your cock
Given that what I ideally want is to see how fucking horny you are, you’d be far better off touching your cock with an aching longing than putting your hand anywhere near my soft bits.
Here are two scenarios. One is hotter than the other. Can you guess which one it is?
Scenario 1: Guy and girl in bed, girl has previously said that she’s quite knackered and not sure she’s in the mood tonight. So guy holds her in his arms, they cuddle together, and he gently strokes her, moving from breasts to stomach, to thighs, eventually worming his hand into her crotch. She nuzzles up against him and murmurs sleepily. He starts gently rubbing at her clit.
Scenario 2: Guy and girl in bed, girl has previously said that she’s quite knackered and not sure she’s in the mood tonight. So guy holds her with one of his arms, using his free hand to grip his straining erection. He strokes it firmly, with just enough movement that she knows exactly what he is doing. He pushes his cock up against her, and starts rubbing harder. She can hear him breathing more quickly, feel him getting hotter, feel his other arm squeezing her more tightly. The bed shakes, his fist gently slapping against her arse, getting faster in time with his breathing as he gets closer to coming. She knows that at any point she could either slide herself backwards onto his thick, twitching erection or reach back with a hand to feel him come thickly all over her fingers.
OK, so I’m clearly biased. But when I read scenario one I can’t help but conjure an atmosphere of weary acceptance on the part of both parties. One is trying to get to sleep – mildly aroused but slightly annoyed at being pawed at – and the other is horny and hot but annoyed at having to go through some sort of pre-shag rigmarole in order to cajole the other into a fuck.
When I read the second scenario, all I’m thinking about is the delightful anticipation of feeling a guy lying next to you having a deeply and selfishly satisfying wank, and my eyes briefly glaze over and I have to have a lie down.
So the moral of the story is this: in my opinion, touching your own cock is one of the most effective forms of foreplay. Show me you want to fuck by grabbing your dick and groping the bits of me that make it twitch in anticipation. Don’t show me you want to fuck by pressing buttons.
Half-heartedly rubbing my clit in the hope that I’ll become aroused is about as hot as forcing down your vegetables so you get to have ice cream afterwards. We’re all grown-ups here, and I’m not going to make you eat carrots – please feel free to tuck straight into dessert.