You should listen to this. It’s a podcast of a show by Dave Pickering (@goosefat101 on Twitter). He guest-blogged for me a while ago, after conducting a survey on what men think of patriarchy. His show is about the results of that survey, but more than that it’s about the way that structural inequality has hurt him – directly and indirectly. He tells a really gripping story, that includes a lot of things I think and say, and it touches me a lot purely because it comes from the mouth of a man. One day I’ll explain exactly why that’s important to me.
It’s an hour long, and it contains some quite disturbing material – there are more specific content notes at the beginning of the recording.
Go and visit Dave’s website here – Mansplaining Masculinity. And please share this. Each time you share this, you save one woman from having to explain yet again, with a weary exhaustion, that when we rail against inequality we’re not fighting against men. We’re hoping men will join us in making things better for everyone.
Thanks to @BibulousOne, I have an extra guest blog for you this week, which explores some of the shivery hotness of anticipating a BDSM scene. He’s written beautifully before about the delights of the cane, and I love how evocatively he captures what’s going on inside his head as the pre-scene anticipation builds.
Update: he now has his own sex blog, so click the link to check out more of his writing.
I have a bit of a fascination with old-school ghost stories. Séances and ectoplasm and the like. When I was younger I used to devour ghost stories, most of which purported to be true accounts. I am also a fan of sexy, surreptitious flirting – hot touches in the dark which no one else can see, and just the two of you know about and enjoy. I love the link between scary stuff and sexy stuff, and to this day I struggle to watch a creeping-dread-horror film with someone I like without wanting to slide my hand down their pants halfway through.
So when Rachel Kramer Bussel asked if I wanted to post an extract from her latest erotica collection, there was one story that really stood out to me. The short story, by Valerie Alexander, is called Demimonde, and it takes place at a séance. It gave me all of the sexy shivers, and reminded me of a story I should tell you about sometime.
An extract is reposted with her permission below, and you can buy the full book – Best Women’s Erotica of the year (Vol 1) here.
This week’s guest blog tackles something super-intense: knife play. It also does something that I adore, in that it tells the story from two perspectives, giving an insight into what each partner is thinking during the session…
As with anything sharp and shiny, safety comes first.If you’re interested in knife play, then check out this safety guide and, of course, negotiate and communicate with your partner.
The author wanted me to add a particular note to this post: “My partner and I play without a safeword. It’s something we’ve both discussed at length and have agreed upon together. He is a medic, is trained in and trains others in martial arts and we have both had extensive training in body language and the subtle nuances of human behaviour and the human body. Whilst this works for us, I’m not suggesting this kind of practice for others – it’s all about knowing and trusting yourself, your partner and your relationship.”
Please welcome Alice and the Wolf.
Today’s guest blog (which includes discussion of rape and sexual assault), was written after something very odd happened. It happened just before Christmas, and thanks to a combination of anxiety and Christmas stress I wasn’t keen to delve too deeply into it at the time. But New Year is a time for Getting On With Stuff, and what better things to be Getting On With than calling out shitty companies who behave badly?
A company called Quite Delightful (who tweet under @QuiteBriefly on Twitter), got into something of a heated debate in December about James Deen. In case you’re not aware, many women have accused Deen of rape or sexual assault, and Deen has denied the allegations. The statements that Quite Delightful made showed what I think is a pretty callous attitude towards people who have been raped or sexually assaulted.
On a personal level, I obviously disagree with QD. On a boring professional level, I’m pretty surprised that this company was happy to alienate a whole bunch of sex writers, customers, and potential customers – not just dismissing them but tweeting in a way that all their followers could see, thus inviting others to come and tell us just how wrong we were. It bothers me because I have seen the company (which publishes an ‘erotic magazine by and for women’) recommended by a number of people I respect in the sex industry, and I figure there are probably quite a few of them who are unaware of the comments @QuiteBriefly made, because they have since deleted their tweets.
So many thanks to @sophable – a customer of theirs, who has kindly offered to explain why this left a very bad impression.