If you’re expecting the usual sex blogging here, you’ll be sorely disappointed. I wrote this because some people (like, literally about five) asked me if I was planning to blog about my recent bike trip across Europe, and although I’m not going to write a tonne of posts, I do love having the excuse to tell you the things that made it rock and the things I’d have done differently. Apart from anything else, it’s a fun opportunity to reflect on something I’m proud of and capture bits that I’d like to remember in years to come – I always tell other people to do this so maybe I should do it myself. But as I say it will only be of interest to about five of you, so consider yourself warned. I’m writing the advice part as if you want to do the exact same thing I did, but naturally your mileage may vary. Take what you want from this, ignore the bits you don’t, and please refrain from giving me advice because I haven’t asked for it. For me, part of the joy of doing this kind of thing is figuring it out on my own. I do this by seeking out other people’s blogs/videos/maps, taking what I need from those and discarding what I don’t. If you want to give advice to other cyclists, by all means do so, but please share it on a broadcast channel that anyone can read (like a quote post), rather than directing it at me in my comments. Anyway. If you want to do what I did (or something similar), here’s how to cycle from London to Budapest.

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I know I always bang on about how there aren’t any universal tricks to make your sex life better. There’s no ‘one simple way’ to please your lover in bed. But I’ve decided – after a decade and a half of sex blogging – that there is actually one change that would have a near-universal positive impact on everybody’s sex life. It isn’t something an individual can do on their own, it’s a choice we need to collectively make as a society. But we can make this choice if enough of us get on board. The one simple trick to give everyone a better sex life: Universal Basic Income.

Hear me out.

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Not to brag, but I think I’ve got great wanking game. Of all the things I do in life, masturbation is the thing that consistently brings me the most joy for the lowest cost. I’m not going to argue I’m the world’s most creative wanker, though. A significant amount of my wanking is purely functional: I do it because I’m bored, horny, hungry, in need of comfort. To get me to sleep or to distract me from nicotine cravings. I have picked up a few tips over the years though – mostly from other sex bloggers, friends, and partners who are kind enough to tell me in detail about their masturbation habits. So I thought for this year’s Masturbation Month post I’d share a few fun ideas along with suggestions for toys that might inspire you to spend more quality alone time with your junk.

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One of my favourite songs by The Beautiful South, Prettiest Eyes, tells the story of a lifelong love by the lines it has drawn on the face of the singer’s beloved. “Line one is the time that you, you first stayed over at mine. And we drank our first bottle of wine. And we cried.” Life makes its mark on you, if you’re lucky enough to keep living it. The lines you draw tell a story about how you’ve lived. In the spring of 2026 I drew these lines.

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Today’s guest blog speaks to me deeply. As a filthy, experienced sex blogger I have dated quite a few people who have worried they’re too ‘vanilla‘ for my tastes. As if once you start trying kink, there’s no going back, and no sex will be good enough unless at least one of you ends up suspended from the ceiling covered in Nuttella. This week’s anonymous contributor gives a funny, sweet account of how she took the news that her boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend had more sexual experience than she did. Is ‘vanilla’ an acceptable flavour? I’ll let her give you the answer…

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