Not to brag, but I think I’ve got great wanking game. Of all the things I do in life, masturbation is the thing that consistently brings me the most joy for the lowest cost. I’m not going to argue I’m the world’s most creative wanker, though. A significant amount of my wanking is purely functional: I do it because I’m bored, horny, hungry, in need of comfort. To get me to sleep or to distract me from nicotine cravings. I have picked up a few tips over the years though – mostly from other sex bloggers, friends, and partners who are kind enough to tell me in detail about their masturbation habits. So I thought for this year’s Masturbation Month post I’d share a few fun ideas along with suggestions for toys that might inspire you to spend more quality alone time with your junk.

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One of my favourite songs by The Beautiful South, Prettiest Eyes, tells the story of a lifelong love by the lines it has drawn on the face of the singer’s beloved. “Line one is the time that you, you first stayed over at mine. And we drank our first bottle of wine. And we cried.” Life makes its mark on you, if you’re lucky enough to keep living it. The lines you draw tell a story about how you’ve lived. In the spring of 2026 I drew these lines.

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Today’s guest blog speaks to me deeply. As a filthy, experienced sex blogger I have dated quite a few people who have worried they’re too ‘vanilla‘ for my tastes. As if once you start trying kink, there’s no going back, and no sex will be good enough unless at least one of you ends up suspended from the ceiling covered in Nuttella. This week’s anonymous contributor gives a funny, sweet account of how she took the news that her boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend had more sexual experience than she did. Is ‘vanilla’ an acceptable flavour? I’ll let her give you the answer…

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There are so many ways AI is affecting our lives it can sometimes be difficult to keep up. I’ve written before about how depressing it is that people want to use robots to write porn, but there are even more sinister uses of AI tools out there. I’m very grateful to today’s guest blogger, Kate O’Kelly, for this deeply troubling piece about AI image recognition tools, and the danger they pose to people doing online sex work.

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Regular readers will know that I am a sucker for stories about long-term relationships where sex is a shared joy. I wrote about this a few years ago, and the longing I have for someone I can be with long term, who embarks on sex as a playful adventure. While I tear myself to pieces in the hunt for that, it’s wonderful to hear stories from people who have found their own ways to navigate intimacy in long-term relationships, especially if they’re willing to share the ups and downs of their journey. So I’m delighted to welcome Sean Owen, who writes about intimacy, curiosity and the evolution of long term love and has been with his wife Sophie for 24 years, to do exactly that.

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