Sometimes I hear stories about kinky events or places, and I often wonder if they’re urban legends. I want to dig deeper and find someone who’s been – to a BDSM training manor, or to the sex taxi which apparently used to do trips around London. Well, this week’s guest blog is from someone who has been – Kate Julia White is an author and submissive, and she’s recently released a memoir of her BDSM training.

Her guest blog focuses on ‘The Manor’ – one of those places I’ve heard about but never been able to go to. So, naturally, as a voyeur and lover of secret things, I was delighted when she offered it as a guest blog, especially because it focuses on something that other guest blogs have highlighted before – the build-up and anticipation prior to launching into something. If you like it, check out her book – Tough Love: The True Story of My Submissive Adventures – check out her blog, and follow her on Facebook.

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In ‘good things’ this week – an exceptional piece on BDSM and understanding the context of your own desires. And in the ‘bad things’ column, a competition from The Sun that unfairly discriminates against men.

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Thanks to @BibulousOne, I have an extra guest blog for you this week, which explores some of the shivery hotness of anticipating a BDSM scene. He’s written beautifully before about the delights of the cane, and I love how evocatively he captures what’s going on inside his head as the pre-scene anticipation builds.

Update: he now has his own sex blog, so click the link to check out more of his writing.

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This is one of those posts that goes into the sometimes dark places in my brain. As a result, it involves discussion of things like pain, BDSM, and roleplaying sex-as-punishment. Everything in the post is 100% consensual, but I’m just giving you a heads-up so if those things are likely to disturb you please don’t read on. 

We’re discussing the difference between corporal punishment and what I’m going to call ‘angry punishment.’ I explain to him that, in previous role-plays, I’ve struggled with the idea of rigid, ordered punishment. Counting spanks, measured chastisement, that kind of thing. The type of role-play where I am a naughty girl, and a guy in a position of authority is responsible for correcting me:

He orders me to bend over and touch my toes, stretching my thighs and arse taut for the cane or tawse. He makes me wait for what feels like an achingly long time, as my calves tingle and my cunt gets slick, and I wait for the first thwack.

At that moment what I’m hoping for isn’t one sharp stroke. I’m not anticipating a measured, precise stripe across my backside. But usually that’s what I get. One stripe – carefully applied – then the inevitable order:

“Count them.”

And I count. One, two, three, four… I count the strokes and I thank him for each one. This controlled, dominant guy, who will dish out exactly as much pain as I deserve and no more.

That’s nice – it is. But it’s not the best.

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There’s a question I’d never thought to ask myself about my own personal kinks: if you could flick a switch and make this go away – make your desires fit neatly with what most people see as ‘normal’, would you do it? This week’s guest blogger has asked that question, and has a bloody brilliant answer.

He’s also written beautifully about his fetish – Plushophilia – what the appeal is, how it works for him, and how other people have reacted. It’s an amazing post, and I’m delighted that he’s chosen to share it here.

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