Tag Archives: masturbation
Public transport sex fantasies: how many can I get in one story?
Maybe it’s the rhythm of the train as it clunk-clunks over the tracks, or the hum of the bus engine beneath your seat, but public transport’s fucking sexy, isn’t it? I’ve probably spent almost as much time talking about public transport sex fantasies than any other category. So as this week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt is ‘passenger’, asking us to think about erotic scenarios on buses, trains and planes, I thought I’d go the whole hog and write a sex story about every stage of the journey.
All the times I definitely did not fuck in that hot tub
“Greetings friends! Welcome to this lovely rented lodge! Isn’t it gorgeous? And we got it for such a bargain! Just call me the Queen Of Booking Getaways That Just Happen To Have Hot Tubs. It’s so lovely to hang out with like-minded people, who all know there’s far more fun to be had in a house with people you love than a hotel where you could bump into a stranger at any minute. Before we kick off this mini-break by opening the prosecco, there’s just one thing I’d like to make clear: we might have arrived two hours before you did, but we definitely didn’t fuck in that hot tub.”
Can you wank for an hour without stopping?
I recently read a piece by Suzannah Weiss in Bustle in which she attempts to wank for over an hour. As a speedy and functional wanker, I thought this would be an interesting challenge to attempt. And seeing as I’d just been given a Mysteryvibe Crescendo – an almost infinitely customisable vibrator that comes with lots of different vibration patterns out of the box – I figured I had an excellent tool with which to have a go. So here goes: wanking for an hour, non-stop. Feel free to fire up your favourite porn and wank along with me.
I will never manage to give a ‘death grip’ hand job
The other day, when I was giving my partner a lazy hand-job in the bath, I realised that although I have watched him wank countless times, I have never fully understood one thing about his masturbation technique: how hard he squeezes. In the process of getting him to show me I learned why they call it the ‘death grip.’
Save all your spunk for me
Me: It was so fucking hot yesterday when I edged and teased you for ages. Do you have a massive load of spunk to dump inside me today?
Him: *sheepishly* I had a wank.
Me: Oh OK! No worries.
Him: Sure?
Me: Yes of course hahahaha of course totally fine no worries at all!
My brain: You’re a really terrible liar, GOTN.