“What was the plot of that porn, then?” He asks me, twenty seconds after we’ve both come. We’re sitting side-by-side on the sofa, him covered in spunk and me casually discarding the dildo and Zumio I used to get there myself. On the TV the porn scene we were watching still plays: porn with no plot, just a couple of people having a vigorous and sexy shag. He reaches for the controller to switch it off as I try to put into words what ‘the plot of that porn’ really was.

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I’m a woman who has had a hell of a lot of grotty, functional, hungover wanks, so I was over the moon when today’s guest blog landed in my inbox. Please welcome Hazel Southwell, who is here to give you an intense and intimate journey through the pleasures (and frustrations) of solo sex in grotty hotels and hostels all across the world. Travel with us to some exotic locations, while remembering that some things stay the same no matter where you are…

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My partner has a beautiful dick. Really, truly, astonishingly gorgeous. For quite a long time I’ve nurtured a fantasy about cloning his cock with one of the dick-moulding kits, so I can get DP’d by two identical cocks. Seeing as we’re now rich in time and short on projects, we decided to get stuck in. The results of our cloning efforts are impressively accurate, and have laid the groundwork for some filthier blog posts to come a little further down the line. In the meantime, though, if you want to play along at home, here’s how you can clone your dick too.

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There’s always a worry, when you tick something off your sexual bucket list, that this awesome kink you have lusted after for ages won’t quite live up to your expectations. As the time to fuck approaches, your eager desire for filth is tempered by a voice in the back of your head that says ‘will this be as good as I hope?’ ‘Can a spitroast with a fucking machine really be as filthy as the scene I’m playing in my head?’ ‘Can DVP with a sex machine really live up to my horny dreams? The answer to both questions is ‘fuck yes’. The longer answer is below in the form of a hyper-explicit story about the first time we used our new sex machine, and there’ll be a part two story coming hot on its heels…

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How do you define ‘cheating‘? As a general rule, I wouldn’t use the word ‘cheat’ for the consensual, deliciously hot scene our guest blogger describes today. But as you’ll see when you read his story, I liked his title – ‘I watched my girlfriend cheat’ – because it says a lot more about the way this intensely filthy story is framed in his head, and what it means to him beyond just being exhilarating. Please welcome Eric…

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