Writing about sex involves very careful word selection. I probably use some words that kill your mood sometimes, and likewise there are some words that make me dry up and cringe into a ball of hateful misery. Here are some of them, feel free to add to the list.
Cum
You might think it is a sexualised form of a common word: I think it’s a spelling error. You say ‘tomato’, I say ‘I will probably be less attracted to you if you spell things wrong’.
Pussy
Good lord no. For so many many reasons, of which here are a few:
- ‘Pussies’ belong to porn stars and gangster hos, so experience implies that a pussy is something for a guy to fuck, not something for a girl to get genuine eye-rolling, bedsheet-tearing pleasure from.
- Say it out loud: “wet pussy”. Eugh. “wet pussy” It doesn’t sound like a part of a person, but something you might step in.
- Mrs Fucking Slocombe
Any word for ‘tits’ that ends in -ies
I have never had ‘titties’ or ‘boobies’. I have tits. These words are only acceptable during comedy, or if you are a member of the Bloodhound Gang.
Medical terms
When I leave the doctor’s surgery my vagina becomes a cunt. My breasts become tits. Likewise although my doctor has a penis, you have a cock. Dick. Prick. By using medical terms I start expecting a medical examination, so if you call it a ‘penis’ I’m less likely to suck it than to give it an ultrasound.
Cutesy names for your cock
You don’t fuck someone raw with ‘Barry Junior’. And I don’t want to swallow ‘Mr Winkie’. Come on, lads – it’s ‘it’, not ‘he’.
I have no idea why any guy ever does this, unless he has been with a girl who is a bit afraid of his looming, punishing hardon. Men: your cock is the most powerful, brilliant thing about you; don’t turn it into a fucking Disney character.
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Part-time writer, full-time pervert. Bad at web design.
Quim
*shudders*
Do I really need to explain this one?
Agreed. ‘Quim’ can do one. It sounds like a medieval pudding.
Perfect blog post, I seriously count on updates from you.
“Boobies” is a word my kids use (in the way that kids cutesie-pie everything until they’re too cool for school). “Boobs” is not; it’s definitely a Grown Up word, used when “tits” isn’t acceptable.
But… as a bloke, I have been conditioned into a peculiar contradiction with the word “cunt” (and I’m quoting the words to somehow make them asexual, to demonstrate the hangup): it’s the single most offensive word in the English language, yet simultaneously one of the single most horny of all. If I say I something about a woman’s cunt, it sounds somehow asinine; if they say something about their cunt, it’s the hottest thing since, well, I practically burnt my arse leaning against a radiator whilst attempting to shag a girlfriend who liked being spread against a wall. No, she didn’t say anything about her cunt. If she had, I wouldn’t have needed to brace against the sodding radiator.
About the hottest thing I’ve ever heard a woman say was “get your fucking cock in my cunt, you cunt”. At the same time I had to try my damnedest not to let it shrivel.
Words. What a truly brilliant invention.
Baby dancing
says it all really…