As anyone who follows me on Twitter knows, a lot of things make me angry. Selfish commuters, bigoted people, Tories, scented tampons, cider that does not taste like apples and is therefore definitely not cider, etc.
But very recently I experienced a new kind of anger. Someone, who I can only describe as a ‘weapons-grade arsehole’ discovered my blog by searching the phrase ”sorry sluts, your vagina doesn’t have a ‘clear history’ button.”
Well. I have since googled this phrase, and discovered that there are a fair few cretins out there who find it hilarious. So now I’m on a mission. I know it’s hard to change someone’s mind on the internet, I believe Charlie Brooker once described internet debate as ‘like hurling shoes at the sky’. But I think there’s a slight possibility that some people just think this phrase is funny, and don’t realise how ignorant and ridiculous it is.
So I wrote this. In the hope that at least one person in the future will search that phrase, come here, and realise that vaginas don’t need a ‘clear history’ button, whether they belong to a slut or not.
sorry sluts, your vagina doesn’t have a ‘clear history’ button
Let us examine why this phrase is utterly odious on a number of different levels.
What is a slut, exactly?
What counts as too many partners? Five? Ten? Twenty? The ‘slut ratio’ when I was a teenager was generally taken to be your age, meaning that you were a slut if you’d fucked more people than you’d had birthdays.
But no doubt this is a cultural thing – there may well be places where it would be considered the height of sluttery for a 20 year old to have fucked three guys. A hundred years ago it would be considered slutty for a woman to have been fucked by anyone other than her husband. What counts as excessive promiscuity is completely subjective, and a ridiculous judgement to make about someone.
Calling someone a ‘slut’ frequently (although not always) smacks of jealousy and resentment, and the word is generally used to make women feel small if they enjoy having sex, or don’t have the squeaky-clean sexual history that archaic-thinking dickheads think they should have. But that shouldn’t matter – what’s happened in the past doesn’t always stamp itself indelibly on someone’s character. Just because someone’s fucked a hundred men before you, that doesn’t mean she’s evil or weak or callous – it just means she likes fucking. And correct me if I’m wrong, but fucking is generally something that we want our partners to enjoy.
I don’t care whether you think I’m a slut
While I give a massive toss about the general attitudes that make women feel like they should ration out their sexual favours as if they’re bestowing precious gifts on the men they deign to sleep with, your individual opinion of my own sex life is of little importance.
It’s really easy, so I’ll keep it short: whether you think I am a slut or not, I don’t give one tenth of an atom of a gram of a portion of a shit. So fuck you.
I wouldn’t push a ‘clear history’ button on my vagina
The phrase “sorry sluts, your vagina doesn’t have a ‘clear history’ button” implies that, if there was a ‘clear history’ button, ‘sluts’ would want to push it. Because they are ashamed. Devastated at their lack of self control. Their inability to refuse an offer of sexual gratification.
Which is, you know, complete and utter bullshit. I’ve slept with a fair few guys – probably not as many as people tend to think based on this blog, but more than I’d gleefully admit to my mother – and I’m glad that I fucked each and every one of them. The hot ones, the not-so-hot ones, the ones who struggled getting it up, the ones who hurt me in a delicious way, the ones I loved, the ones I grew to hate, the ones I cried over and the ones I cried for.
Some of them were awful. Some of them were beautiful. One of them was violent. One of them was gay. One was a virgin so nervous he could barely touch me. All of them did good things to me, and some did very bad things too. But even if there was a magical button that removed any of them from my sexual history, I wouldn’t erase a single second of a single fuck with a single guy I’ve ever had.
I’m not just proud and delighted, I’m grateful. For the fun, for the lessons learnt, for the whip-marks and come-stains and memories I still frequently wank to. I’m grateful to each and every one of them for giving me something to weave into the rich, jizz-soaked tapestry of my lucky, lucky life.
sorry sluts, your vagina doesn’t have a ‘clear history’ button
I’m on a mini-crusade – I need people to know that this shit doesn’t fucking matter. Who a girl has fucked, how many people she’s fucked, how she’s fucked them, etc. Not just because it’s a personal bugbear of mine, but for all the women who are aching with lust, and desperate for cock, and in love with guys and in love with fucking.
For all those women who want to do it but don’t. For the women who’ll leave a first date frustrated and horny, going home alone because they don’t want to ‘give the wrong impression.’ For the teenaged girls who give endless blowjobs but can’t ‘put out’ and get genuine sexual pleasure of their own in case word gets around that they’re easy.
For the guys who don’t care how many people you’ve fucked. For the guys who love a girl with special tricks others have taught her. For the ones who like to watch, and talk, and hear stories of times you’ve been gang-banged in a sex cinema. For all the men and women the world over who love a good fuck, but hate the fucking judgement.
For me. Because I’m slutty and I fucking like it.
At some point in the future I want someone to google that phrase and find this. If you want to, you can help me optimise the fuck out of this blog entry.
If you have a blog and want to link to this, please do it using the phrase
“sorry sluts, your vagina doesn’t have a ‘clear history’ button”
Write your opinions on it, tag them “sorry sluts, your vagina doesn’t have a ‘clear history’ button.” Use subheads and titles including the phrase “sorry sluts, your vagina doesn’t have a ‘clear history’ button”. Send me a link to your entry so I can help you to promote it.
Tweet about it, facebook it, share it with the limited collection of nerds who are in your Google+ circles. Add a link in forums, blog comments, Flickr sets and Wiki-fucking-pedia. Tell your friends, acquaintances and colleagues. Tell your church group. Tell your postman. Tell your Mum.
Spread the word, kids: I’ve fucked a lot of people, and I couldn’t give a fuck.
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Part-time writer, full-time pervert.
Sorry, I didn’t Google it, but then who would? Came from twitter RT marxroadrunner. I agree with you wholeheartedly. But don’t you think the whole slut thing comes from fear. I always have. The last bastion of male dominance. We tell you when you want/have sex. Good grief, can’t have women going around demanding sex adlib, just not on old boy! (old tory voice) Also if you are the one deciding when we, as a couple have sex, what happens if I’m not in the mood? ;-)
“what happens if I’m not in the mood?”
A problem I have had to deal with on numerous occasions. I find gentle persuasion, followed by whining, followed by having a passive-aggressive wank in front of one’s partner usually does the trick.*
*does not actually work at all.
Awesome post and I wholeheartedly agree. Before I married I had a somewhat jaded sexual past, all of which my wife knows about and is comfortable with. Likewise with her. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest that she’s fucked guys with bigger cocks than me because, when it comes down to it, I’M the one she’s married to and I’M the one that still gets to fuck her regularly.
In my experience, guys who have an issue with their partners sexual history are basically just insecure because they struggle to get their head round the fact that the girl may just know more about shagging than they do. Boo fucking hoo, get over it chaps. Many years ago, I went out with a gorgeous 18 year old girl who’d had 10 partners before me, and all I used to hear from my mates was “she’s a right slapper”. Oddly enough, it didn’t worry me when I was having mind blowing sex with her :)
Hi, I think it’s great you enjoy your sex life so much, really I do :) As long as everyone shares an understanding I don’t have a problem with people screwing whomever they want.
However, I think this paragraph comes across as a bit judgemental
‘While I give a massive toss about the general attitudes that make women feel like they should ration
out their sexual favours as if they’re bestowing precious gifts on the men they deign to sleep with, your individual opinion of my own sex life is of little importance.’
I do feel that, for me, sex is a very intimate act and I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone I wasn’t in a committed relationship with. That paragraph makes it sounds as if you are belittling the choices of women who feel that way. You are right that society sends out mixed messages on female sexality, but if a person chooses to value sex differently to how you do, is it right to judge them?
I am pleased though, that you wrote this post. Women who have had a lot of sexual partners because that’s what they have chosen to do should be proud to have had the confidence to follow their desires.
Sorry if I misinterpreted your words.
Blimey – definitely not. I’d no more judge someone for being selective about their partners than I’d judge someone for being selective about which of the Quality Streets they’d eat first out of the tin.
Much as I love doing what I do, I appreciate that it’s not for everyone. And if you’d prefer to find just one (or two, or three) people throughout your life that you want to share more intimate and less casual sex then good for you.
As ever, it would be a bloody awful world if we were all the same, so I’m not saying everyone should be a slut – I’m just saying that we shouldn’t judge people who are sluts.
If you *do* think of your sex as a precious gift to bestow on someone, then go with that, and bestow it wisely. I just want you to do it because that’s what you want to do, rather than because some angry judgy person is telling you that you have to.
I didn’t read it that way, just that we live in a society where women are expected/conditioned to feel that way, or to feel bad if we don’t. I also don’t think that enjoying sex most/only when it’s with someone important to you is at all the same thing as being expected to ration sex, which ultimately also implies that you do it for the other person, I think?
Great post! Wish I could get eloquent and pithy when in a rage, unfortunately I just tend to splutter a lot and get red in the face. A lot of the time this kind of ‘slut-shaming’ isn’t just from men, though, women are particularly prone to this – especially insecure young teenage girls. It’s so sad to see them indoctrinated with patriarchal values to the point where they can’t even think for themselves. Thank you for speaking up for all us women (sluts, cunts, bitches, whores etc.) – who can’t believe we still face this kind of judgmental attitude in 2011.
A very perceptive lady once said to me, “a slut is a woman with the sexual attitudes of a man”.
Spot on…don’t think I could have put it as succinctly though :)
I think your suspicion that some people would use this phrase just because they think it’s funny is pretty accurate. Although I’d change the word ‘some’ people to ‘most’, because surely anybody spending more than 5 seconds thinking of the sentiment behind the phrase should clearly see it’s nonsense. But having said that, the phrase could be seen as a metaphor to represent a particular attitude towards female “promiscuity”. An attitude that makes the people who display it less attractive than the very people they point the finger at.
@Grizzlybaz and @Alice
I’m glad you both brought up the ‘men’ thing (Baz by assuming it and Alice by querying it). When I initially wrote this it contained a fairly large paragraph aimed specifically at guys who say things like this – basically pointing out that it’s insecure, immature, selfish, etc. However, I ran the entry past a couple of friends before posting, one of whom made the extremely valid point that I shouldn’t assume the person who googled ‘sorry sluts, your vagina doesn’t have a ‘clear history’ button’ was a man. BLOODY GOOD POINT.
You’re right – women say this stuff as well, and actually you can read my post imagining a man or a woman, and I think all the points still stand. Sadly google doesn’t have a ‘check sex of traffic’ filter, so I have no way of knowing whether the googler was a man or a woman. I know only that it was an ignorant twat of some indeterminate gender.
That’s a valid point, it could be either gender, and I’ve met plenty of judgemental women. While I don’t condone what they’re saying, such women do not tend to exercise the same behaviour they are judging, and there’s the difference for my money. Men who call women sluts are just hypocrites.
I’m guessing you mean men who call women sluts and who are promiscuous are hypocrites?
Yep…should have made that a bit clearer really. Though that is the majority of single men in my experience. As Thony C pointed out above “a slut is a woman with the sexual attitudes of a man”.
Lovely article. As a woman whose number of sexual partners is in triple figures, I really appreciated this. I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve done. And, as far as I’m concerned, if a guy would rule me out as a potential girlfriend because he judges promiscuous women, well, I dodged a great big bullet! It’s my experience that cool guys don’t give a shit, and I only want to date cool guys, so it’s pretty much win-win really! Girls, sleep with as many of as few men as you see fit, use condoms, try not to let anyone take advantage and we’re golden.
Seen link via Eves Twitter.
Fab post. Linked you on blog
Not sure that “Sorry sluts, your vagina doesn’t have a ‘clear history’ button” fits on blog roll so will stick with girlonthenet if thats ok :)
Good luck for 2012 !
Brilliant. Thanks for this, lady.
Great post, and I’m one of those dudes who doesn’t give a fuck.
I’ve had sex with a lot of girls (and guys). Many of the girls have slept with more guys than I have. Even if their vaginas came with a clear history button I wouldn’t push it.
Best story – when I blatantly violated Bro Code (something I’m not very proud of) and fucked my mate’s girlfriend during a period when they were broken up. He came back to me and said he knew…but he actually thanked me for showing her some new tricks.
Found this via facebook. I feel like I shouldn’t call people sluts and am annoyed with myself when I label people as such but I do do it. The only people I label as sluts (most likely people I see on the train and know am never going to see again, thus making me feel less guilty) are men or women who use sex a) to look “cool” b) as a sort of currency to get what they want i.e cigarettes, social status, gifts etc. or c) as a weapon. The last is hard to explain but generally people who withold sexual favours to get what they want, to sleep (or threaten to) with people to get back at someone or underage girls trying to seduce older men into committing statutory rape. The first two are snap judgements I make on sight the last is from rumour, gossip or information garnered through other means. That is what I call a slut – not someone who enjoys many sexual favours but who uses sex for something other than being intimate or for sexual gratification. Maybe those things should fall under bitch or idiot but if I use the word slut that is what I mean. I don’t know whether I’m communicating properly here so excuse me if I seem a little bitter or harsh. I don’t mean to come across that way.
This is excluding prostitutes.
Spot on! To people who would use that phrase or think along those lines, they are dust beneath our chariot wheels. May they mindtheirownfuckingbusiness. And to you, gentle writer, a fucking good time!
Bill
I just found this, and it made me think …lots of things, but mostly of an episode of “Scrubs”, where someone asks Perry Cox if his wife Jordan’s sexual history bothers him, and he demands of everyone in the room, who has had sex with his wife (most of the people in the room), and then says something about whoever taught Jordan the reverse cowgirl position, THANK YOU.
It was a line in a comedy show, and not exactly a show without problems, but Perry and Jordan’s relationship was hilarious and heartwarming for her open “sluttiness” and bitchiness and his clear love for her as a whole human being.
The Charlie Brooker quote is spot on.
I’m a slut and I dont care what anyone else thinks. In fact, I have commenced “Project Slut” just to screw with people’s minds whilst I get screwed :-)
@naughtybekie
Oh thank you! By your teenage definition I would have to live well into my second century to qualify as a non-slut, LOL. Since the menopause I’ve calmed down a lot and for the first time in about twenty years I’m a one woman man. Not for moral reasons, except that he is that special, and I don’t have a hell of a lot of sexual energy to spare.
But that word stole so much of the joy from my energetically and otherwise joyful early sexual history, caused so many tears, so much loss of self esteem. It helped to get me into abusive relationships, drug addiction, things that I should be genuinely ashamed of because they were bad for me, in ways the sex never was.
I felt like you, but no-one would hear it, no-one would believe that women could be happy sluts. It was supposed to be the sexually hip seventies, what a myth!
So thanks for getting your rant on, in ways that I always wanted to and never could!
People really miss the point on the so called ‘slut bashing’
Its only ‘bashing’ if your an asshole about it.
Contrary to popular belief not everyone is attracted to ‘sluts’. If a slutty girl finds it disrespectful that alot of people are simple not ‘turned on’ by the idea of the potential mate fucking the next guy they meet , or the last 50, than boo hoo.
Sluts are shamed by immature people…the mature people simple avoid them.
So if your a slut and really great guy, rich, handsome, intimate,etc.. rejects you because his buddies tells him you fuck every guy within your sphere of poeple…well guess what? He wants a girl that is not a slut.
Im tired of the slut rights movement. Like its anything new. Heroin feels good too. Pot makes you feel good. If shot up or smoked a joint every chance you got and craved it all day then people would call you a junky and would not value you as much as people that have other things going on with there life.
but sluts have more experience…. fuck that. If Im going to be in a relationship that last more than few nights I think we’ll have plenty of time to build our experience.
Not saying I would marry a virgin. That’s basically impossible. But If a girl has been in relationships that weren’t about sex and they didin’t work out, who could blame them. If the chick is cheap slut who fucks whoever just to have a good time…well…what the hell is your relationship going to be like? fuck her till its boring.. then her history/programming kicks in and she’s fucking your friend or something.
So slutty girls have to be realistic. No ones bashing you. But if your body is just for the fucking than thats a lifestyle.
I came across this statement (without the sluts part) on a toiletwall recently and was pointed to this blog. I might blog a rant of my own about it later, because ugh.
I had to stop, I couldn’t handle this. This chick is fucked in the head. Anyways, you can keep fucking as much is you want. Nobody said they give a shit if you do. I for one would call you a slut not because I’m jealous that you fuck a lot, but because I pity you. I pity that you don’t understand what I do. You are not wise, you are self contained, you see the world with your idiotic view. Like a barbarian. In the old days brothers fucked sisters, you are quite similar to them. Anyways, keep fucking, if you enjoy it. Make a porn video while you are at it. Meanwhile I will find me a perfect, good, girl that would never cheat and be honest. And I would never either. I will live a happy wonderful life with my wife while you will stay insecure. You worry about people judging you and are in constant resentment towards those people who do. You are constantly trying to prove yourself to them, whether it’s “I don’t give a fuck” or “I’l keep fucking and you just watch me” or “I know you are jealous that I fuck a lot”. Your mentality is typical.
You may wish to read our post: “The Love Elite”