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On why faking orgasms isn’t the end of the world

I’m going to put it out there: I don’t mind if you fake your orgasm. No, really, go right ahead. What’s more, I’ll tell you that I’ve faked orgasms in the past, and if you think that makes me a bad person, or a pitiable sex-deprived creature, then you can fuck a thousand miles off.

In general, if you’re engaging in safe and consensual acts, sex positive people will cheer on your lubed-up love with an open heart and a total lack of judgment.

Unless you fake your orgasms.

Why do we think it’s bad to fake an orgasm?

This blog was prompted by the revelation today that men fake orgasms too. Cue tortured commenters screaming ‘how the fuck is that possible?’ and the inevitable smackdown by sensible people saying ‘well, duh, of course men do this sometimes – they are human.’

Whenever the subject of faking orgasms is raised, the general consensus is that it is a bad thing to do, for one of the following reasons:

  • If you fake an orgasm, how is your partner supposed to know how to give you a real orgasm? You’ll be giving them the wrong impression, making them think that fumbling half-heartedly with your clit is the most surefire way to send you to heaven and back. Ergo you end up in a vicious cycle of rewarding poor performance, until your entire sex life consists of limp clit-fumbling gand your own exaggerated screams.
  • If you fake an orgasm, it’s because you don’t realise that actually it’s perfectly normal for people not to orgasm. Thus, when you fake, you reinforce society’s ideas that orgasms are de rigeur, even if the shag you’ve just partaken in lasted less than the time it’d take for the kettle to boil.
  • If you fake an orgasm, you are tacitly supporting the idea that orgasms are the Only Possible Goal Of Sex, and so both you and your partner will fail to spend time on the non-orgasmic things you enjoy. Like beating each other with wooden spoons or licking cream cheese from the inside of their ear canal, or whatever it is you get up to.

Faking orgasms is not as bad as people say it is

While the arguments above all have some basic merit, I strenuously object to the way they are often used, not as a piece of general advice but as an absolute decree: Thou Shalt Never Do This. Yes, faking orgasms can lead to trouble, or be symptomatic of problems if you’re doing it on a daily basis, but there’s a big difference between accepting these things and acting as if those who fake orgasms are bad at sex, and must be either pitied or corrected.

Realistically, people fake orgasms for a whole host of reasons. Some good, some bad, some practical, some habitual. You know, like many of the sex things we do. Sometimes I’m not up for a long make out session, but my partner is and I know that if I do it chances are I’ll get his hand down my knickers at some point – the jackpot I’m actually angling for. Sometimes I’ll suck a dick not because I’m desperate to get it down my throat, but because it just feels like the natural next step in a fuck I’m playing jazz with. Often we do things because they make us wet and hard and throbbing and horny – occasionally we do them for other reasons.

I’ve faked orgasms

Although the vast majority of it has been spectacular, there have still been occasions where I felt like faking an orgasm was the right thing to do. I’m lucky enough that I usually find it easy to come during a shag, and right now I’m with a long-term partner who has a thick cock and a good rhythm, and who knows me inside out, as it were. I also have a Doxy and my own two hands, should things prove more difficult on a particular occasion, so I haven’t faked one for a good long time. But have I faked orgasms in the past? Goddamn right I have.

Not because I’m tired, or because the sex is appalling and I can’t quite bring myself to say so: I’ve faked orgasms for the simple reason that coming represents the nuclear button in my sexual arsenal – when I come, he is more likely to come.

Six pints into a very late night, if we’re having an exciting fumble followed by a sticky and determined hump, it’s probably going to be tough for both of us. I’m deeply horny, and shivering with lust, but I know that it’s just not going to happen. The one thing I want right now is to feel the twitching throb of his cock pumping spunk inside me. I’m faced with a choice. Do I pull out one of my just-about-adequate sex moves? A hand gripping just the right place, an arched back, a filthy sentence or two to help him on his way? Or do I pull out my ultimate sex move – clenching my cunt nice and tight and moaning like I’ve sat on a washing machine?

Faking orgasms doesn’t make you a bad person

Conclusion of this unnecessarily sweary rant: you’re not an awful bastard if you fake orgasms – no matter what your gender or your reasons, this is a choice that you get to make for yourself. I’m not going to pass any judgment on what it says about your sex life if one day you want to twitch your genitals, roll your eyes, and Meg Ryan your way to climax. Even if you’re fucking me – if you fancy putting a bit of AmDram into it, go right ahead. I’d like to think I can tell, but wouldn’t we all? If you know the end’s a long way away, but you also know I love it when you make those moany noises, then just make the fucking moany noises already. It will, in all likelihood, bring my orgasm closer, and even if it doesn’t then at least we can put a full-stop to proceedings, albeit a jizzless one.

I care about this quite strongly because, as a young-un, I used to fake orgasms quite a lot. Almost every single time. I probably faked more orgasms than I had actual orgasms, even during a period when I was wanking so frequently you’d have thought I had eczema of the clit. I faked, and I pretended, and I loved every second of every minute of every fuck I was having. But every time I scanned an article on sex tips it screamed at me: “do not fake your orgasms! You are ruining your sex life! You are teaching your partner to do the wrong things and basing your love on a lie!” So I’d fret and I’d stress and I’d worry, and in the end I’d fake it anyway, because while I hated feeling like a liar I loved it when he came.

One day, while I was making the noises and twitching my legs and clamping my cunt down hard on his cock, it actually happened for real. The climax started and I felt hotness swell from my knees to my crotch, waves of happy-horny-oh-yes-don’t-stop-fuck-nnngggghhh-jesus-yes crashing hard up to my chest, enveloping me in pleasure and surprising the fuck out of me.

He couldn’t tell, of course, but then I don’t think I really needed him to.

11 Comments

  • On eBay listings, fake designer bags and stuff are described as ‘tribute’ (as in “Chloe Marcie tribute bag” etc.) makes them sound more legit that way.
    Maybe we could re brand fake orgasms as “tribute” orgasms for the same reason

    • Girl on the net says:

      I like this idea a lot, although the way you opened it meant I nearly sent it to spam by accident =)

  • seasideslut says:

    Terrific post as always. I can’t add anything that wouldn’t be incredibly revealing but I’m grateful to you as always for being so honest and clever and brave.

  • Pontius says:

    I concur with seasideslut. The only thing I would add is to mention how wonderfully consistently honest, clever and brave you are. Calling it like a boss. As always ;)

    • Girl on the net says:

      Ah, shucks. Thanks both of you. I am so pleased with your compliments that I came in my pants. OR DID I?!

      *I didn’t, but it was touch and go.

  • This has certainly given me food for thought. I’ll admit that I’ve always fallen into the faking it=bad camp for precisely the reasons you pointed out, ie the rewarding poor performance thing. As someone who has always been an “easy” cummer (I’m one of that fortunate 1% that can cum through nipple stimulation alone), I always tended to take the view that if someone couldn’t bring me off for real, they didn’t deserve the gratification of a false one. Selfish in the extreme on my part, I’ll freely admit, and to be fair, there haven’t been many guys that have actually “failed” on that front.

    The idea that my faking it could spur on my partner’s climax never even occurred to me, which is a shame as there were definitely times I’d wished it were over more quickly, and had I ever thought of this possibility, I would have almost certainly used it.

    Damn you Cosmo to all eternity, that’s all I can say…

    Katie xx

  • Yingtai says:

    You always make me think.

    Back when my marriage was failing, one day I asked for permission to fake arousal. (What can I say, I am a sub down to my bones.) And having done it once, we kept doing it, because – you guessed it – it usually worked. In our case, not just for him, but also for me.

    And then we realised that sometimes I simply couldn’t pretend, which raises the question of whether I was pretending at all to begin with, and if not what the heck I was doing, which confuses the heck out of me.

    I’m curious whether it got you hot just the once?

    • Girl on the net says:

      That’s interesting – how did it work if you’d asked permission? Wouldn’t he just know in that case? Sounds intriguing though =) I’m not sure what you mean by your question – pretending sometimes has definitely got me hot, because it tends to bring on his orgasm, which I find pretty hot. Does that answer it? I might just be a bit slow this morning!

  • Love how you tackle things head on!

  • Jules says:

    Wicked once again, I enjoy reading your blogs and its good to know we are not on our own. I have to admit though I have been in my relationship for 24 years, and as appalling as it seems a lot of the time I faked it… Until recently. Over the last 12months or so, I started to experiment, obviously more confidence with my body and self in general I thought well hell, why not. So I started to instruct my partner on what I preferred, sometimes he still applies it, when his dick is not ruling his brain that is [and he is getting on a bit too] I am so glad we started to experiment more… He has gotten a little wet over the last few months I can say. At least he knows when Im faking it now. And Im glad I don’t, relaxed, happy, and better for it.

  • I’ve found that when a woman isn’t faking you can tell because she clamps up tight, releases, and then gushes water, even if just a little. And the smell hits you straight away. So if she is faking, it always seems a bit obvious to me. Which, admittedly, has happened more than once. Anyone else found this?

    Hot post, btw!

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