What, dear friends, is the point of the male orgasm? That moment when spunk shoots out the end of someone’s cock is surely a thing that could happen without pleasure? Could evolution not have given penis-havers a simple urge to ejaculate that was not in any way based on physical sensations of joy?
You’re hungry, and hunger feels bad, so you need to eat. Ergo why is it not the case that you’re just scrotally full, so you need to empty?
Scientists need to study this: the mystery of the male orgasm.
Why not, right? I mean, they’ve spent a FUCK OF A LOT OF TIME studying why on Earth I need to get pleasure from the act of coitus. Surely it’s only fair that they spend an equal amount of time stroking their chins and pondering why evolution provides the male orgasm.
I am sick and fucking tired of hearing about the ‘mystery’ of the female orgasm. Hearing things like this:
“An eye is for seeing, a nose is for smelling. Many aspects of the human body have obvious purposes. But some defy easy explanation. For biologists, few phenomena are as mysterious as the female orgasm.”
Because surely by that logic, the pleasure felt by a dick when it squirts jizz into someone is equally ‘mysterious’.
“BUT OH,” some argumentative shits will say “THE THING WITH A DICK,” they will continue, as if they are imparting information that is new and not a cloud of tedious fartgas that we’ve heard many times before “IS THAT IT MUST BE INCENTIVISED TO SQUIRT ITS JIZZ. TO SPREAD ITS SEED.” They might pause for a while to huff in the scent of their own self-importance before concluding with the zinger: “IF THE HUMAN RACE IS TO CONTINUE, MEN MUST WANT TO HAVE SEX.”
And so male pleasure is vital to sex. It’s vital to conception. It’s vital to the continuation of the species.
Female pleasure is unimportant. Wait, no. It’s not just unimportant – it’s a GENUINE, BONA-FIDE MYSTERY. Evolution gave us this magical bonus but by golly we’ve no idea why.
Because technically – TECHNICALLY – women can still get pregnant even if they don’t enjoy sex.
Well, sure. But technically – TECHNICALLY – I can still eat even if I’m not hungry. Technically. Let’s face it, though: if I’m not that hungry, I’m not going to chow down on this box of twelve fucking Krispy Kremes, am I? If there were some kind of mechanism that made me quim my knickers and yell “OH GOD DON’T STOP PLEASE NEVER STOP” if I ate the doughnuts, then perhaps I would eat more fucking doughnuts.
So yeah: maybe guys need a boner to have sex. And maybe I could have sex even if I weren’t aroused at all. But fuck me, I’m more likely to if there’s something in it for me, right? And with this research, like similar things that have gone before, women smile and write articles which hint that we know the reason, and we politely refrain from doing what we should have done when the first ever scientist asked this question: laugh in their face and then twat them with a giant dildo.
And sure, the latest research is mainly about hormonal surges, and spontaneous ovulation. They’re saying they’ve realised that although ‘pointless’ now, the female orgasm was once useful as a means to tell female bodies to ovulate.
But really – SERIOUSLY THOUGH KIDS – why are we not even slightly factoring in the idea that female pleasure might just possibly constitute a teeny weeny incentive for more sex to happen?
The female orgasm is exactly as mysterious as the male orgasm, in that it isn’t. The mystery, really, is why for so many years we’ve blithely accepted people taking as read the idea that women don’t enjoy sex. The mystery is that we’ve swallowed the lie of female orgasm as a ‘bonus.’ Tacked on to the end, if we’re lucky, but ultimately not a core part of any sexual act.
The REAL mystery is that when someone asks ‘what’s the point of the female orgasm?’ we haven’t risen up, en masse, and screamed “ISN’T IT OBVIOUS, YOU GLISTENING BELLEND?” before kicking them off a narrow bridge and into a puddle of shit.
If we’re happy to accept that his sexual satisfaction is evolutionarily directed, why the living fuck can’t we assume the same is true of me?
The female orgasm is only ‘mysterious’ if you don’t think female pleasure is important. It’s only ‘mysterious’ if society has, for centuries, peddled the lie that female desire and – hold on to your hats – female consent is not a vital component in conception.
My orgasm is only mysterious if you think my pleasure doesn’t matter. If you think my fucking consent is irrelevant.
This post, like the entire ‘female/male orgasm mystery’ debate is naturally very biology-centric and makes a whole bunch of false generalisations (there are only two genders, gender and sex are the same, reproductive sex is the only valuable kind of sex for humans, etc etc etc). Sorry: it sucks and is yet another reason why I hate these questions.