Male sex blogs: where are they?

Pic by the awesome Stuart F Taylor

Where are all the male sex blogs? Are there any good male sex bloggers? Why yes, there are. Here is a list of some excellent male sex bloggers.

Much like any sex blog, male sex blogs often specialise in different things, so while you’ll get one that is a treasure-trove of sex toy reviews, you’ll get another that focuses on erotic writing. Still others that are a combination of the two, or something more like my own, which focuses on true stories with occasional political rants. Many are blogs I read often and love, others are ones I am including to make sure I have a full list. If you’re a guy and you’re not included, get in touch and if your blog is active I’m more than happy to add you.

Please click on the links, go and read some of their work, and follow them on the relevant social media channels. Then please continue reading beyond the list, where I intend to utterly blow your mind, and potentially piss you off.

If you’re a sex blogger who identifies as a man, and you’re not on this list, please leave a comment or email me – I am more than happy to add you to the list as I’d like to keep adding to it! Please be aware, too, that I haven’t left anyone out on purpose so if you do email me could you be nice about it rather than ‘I’m surprised you haven’t included me’ – don’t be surprised, I am scatty as fuck at the moment. Ta. 

I don’t like the ‘male sex blog’ question

Please don’t let what I’m about to say detract from the excellence of any of the gents mentioned above: many of them are utterly fantastic.

Here’s the deal, though: I get occasional emails in which people ask me ‘do you know of any good male sex bloggers?’ and I smile and say ‘you should check out these ones.’ Yesterday, when Molly published the list of top 100 sex bloggers (an incredible feat which involves her reading and assessing so many sex blogs I’d not be surprised if she now sees WordPress templates in her sleep) someone left this comment:

“I’m not unhappy about this but as far as I can tell there are few if any male bloggers on the list. Just curious to know if this was down to some sort of policy, or whether female sex bloggers are just better and/or more numerous?”

This comment reminded me of all the times I’ve been asked the question ‘where are the male sex blogs?’ – I’m not going to answer that question any more, save to link people to this blog post. Why? Because I feel like someone’s popping their head into a space that – unlike many others – is female-dominated, and the first thing they’re doing is challenging the lack of men.

Male sex blogs and representation

For many many many years there have been industries which women have been shut out of. There are still many in which women are seen as ‘token’ or ‘surprising.’ And yet, while there are some amazing campaigns to try and encourage more women into these industries, there are rarely people who pop up and say ‘oh could you recommend me someone who does this but who also is a woman?’ I’ve given countless work referrals in my time – for freelance deveopers, designers, writers, editors, videographers etc. No one ever came back to me and said ‘hey could you recommend me specifically a woman who could do this?’

If you actually do this, then fair enough: you’re an outlier, but feel free to ask about male sex bloggers. Likewise if you read a lot of sex blogs, and you support the female sex bloggers who also write fantastic stuff: great. But if your first chat – your first contact whatsoever – with a woman in a female-dominated space involves saying ‘are there any men who do this?’ then I hope you can understand why I’m a little bit frustrated.

Perhaps the reason it stands out to you is not because there’s a travesty of justice which is harming men: maybe it’s because you are so used to seeing majority-male lists and panels that when the ratio is flipped it sticks out like a sore thumb. In fact, so sore is the thumb that it took just one year (one!) for hot sex site Kinkly to add a ‘top male sex blogs’ category to its top 100. I don’t know if they did this as a result of pressure, or because they found the ratio-change odd themselves. I’m not criticising, I just thought it was worth pointing out because there are so many industries in which women have been fighting for representation for years and years – yet this one, where men are less numerous, corrects for that deficit pretty much straight away.

In my ideal world, there will be no industry in which you’re more likely to get ahead because of your gender. But in this world – this imperfect one in which there are plenty of places where men succeed more easily than women – I feel like it’s a bit insulting to pop up to one of the women and go ‘hey, where are the men?’ Especially if you’re asking that question directly to me, a female sex blogger. It’s as if you’ve stumbled across my work and gone ‘you know who’d do this better? A bloke.’

And I am not joking: I have had emails in which ‘point me to some male sex blogs?’ is the first question people ask. This isn’t a petty thing: it happens often.

There are many fantastic and talented men who blog about sex, and they deserve your support. But the women of this industry don’t deserve your support any less because in this context they outnumber the blokes. The broader picture is one in which we struggle to get taken seriously: see also anyone who isn’t cis. Do you know what no one has ever asked me? “Do you know of any great trans/non-binary sex bloggers?” There are many different intersecting things that can cause people to be taken less seriously in any given industry. If you only care when you think it’s men who miss out, then I’d urge you to have a think.

Why did I write this post? Because this annoys me. Because I’ll keep getting this question. And above all, because I know that this post – including as it does the keyword ‘male sex blogs’, will get a fair whack of traffic. If you’ve made it this far without leaving an angry comment, then thank you. You’ll find my blogroll in the right hand column, or below if you’re viewing on mobile. Click the link below and please read some brilliant women.

Top 100 sex blogs

Also, if you fancy having a go at sex blogging (it’s deeply fun and I love it with all my heart) then check out my guide on how to start a sex blog, which in turn links through to some other awesome resources. 

34 Comments

  • O says:

    Agree with every single point you make here. I imagine that those who perceive a lack of male sex blog representation will be the same people who think women don’t have as much of an interest in sex as men.

    It would be interesting to see which trans/non-binary blogs there are out there. I’ll have to do some research!

  • We are definitely there if you look for us. I don’t know why, relatively speaking, there are so few of us. Perhaps men are more inclined to be “consumers” rather than “producers”, I really don’t know.

    I think it is great that women have taken to this medium and are able to discuss topics of sex/sexuality/relationships/bodies/politics/sport/whateverthefucktheywanttodiscuss so freely and on their own terms. Maybe if that “freedom” were applied more equally in “real life” society, the female:male ratio in the blogging world would become more equal.

    Really, I have no answers, but for any guys out there who are concerned about how few male sex bloggers there are, maybe try doing it yourself to up the numbers. Fuck knows, if I can do it, pretty much anybody can. Ultimately, if you are interested in sex/sexuality, then your gender doesn’t matter other than it influences your perspectives.

    As to my female “colleagues”, just keep doing what you’re doing. The only way the “imbalance” can really be addressed is that we create a world where equality is so ingrained it is taken for granted, at which point, this entire discussion becomes moot.

    If I have any objection at all to the fact that female sex bloggers outnumber us males, it is purely the fact the workings of society and the inequalities that women are subjected to in life in general, have contributed to making it this way.

    Overthinking/Rambling/Incoherent/Probably a load of bollocks (I needs me more coffee in my system).

    KW

    • Girl on the net says:

      Not rambling at all – I totally get what you mean. I think there are probably lots of different reasons why men are generally less likely to start a sex blog, or why we see fewer of the good ones bubbling up to the surface. And I couldn’t agree more that it’s often correlated to the same things that mean women are often overlooked in other industries.

  • Lunabelle says:

    I think it’s also fair to talk about some stereotypes, tropes and situations that skew the numbers toward women.

    1. The number of sex toys marketed toward vulvas/clits/vaginas is staggering larger than those targeted for penises.

    2. The marketing of sex toys for penises tends to be lowbrow/frat boy-esque (see Fifi and Autoblow), while vibrators tend to be marketed as empowering.

    3. There are negative associations with male sex toy use. “You couldn’t find a partner”, “If you like prostate play you must be gay”, etc.

    4. All through my life, I’ve heard that girls/women are better at writing, at expressing emotions. Boys/men don’t show their feelings, they prefer logic to emotion, they excel in math and science. They’re visual creatures who always prefer porn to written erotica.

    The stereotypes and assumptions are bullshit, of course. But they are bullshit that many people have internalized after so much repetition, and together I can see how all of that might deter a man from even thinking about blogging.

    As far as the question goes…if they are asking because they want to find toy reviews that apply to their genitalia, then I think it’s valid and appropriate. Otherwise, I do find it odd and frustrating for all the reasons you give here.

    • Girl on the net says:

      I think you’re right – a lot of this stuff is the other side of the coin which says ‘women don’t like sex as much as men’ – the male sex toy thing in particular drives me up the wall: so often male sex toys are presented as gross or creepy or something ‘real men’ don’t need to use. I’ve ranted about that loads and I know some great people who are trying to challenge it in the MSM, but it’s still there – grr.

      The expressing emotions stereotype isn’t one I’d considered but yes I reckon that definitely plays a part too! This is something I’ve come up against in publishing too, although it seems to be more assumed that men won’t read erotic things. I did a bit of a rant about that here too: https://www.girlonthenet.com/2014/09/24/male-sex-toys-popular/

      And hooray for the sex bloggers who are challenging the stereotype! I hope that we’ll see more people joining our sex blog community! =)

  • N. Likes says:

    This is a fascinating post, GoTN. I was struck, I suppose, because while I’ve long lamented the relative absence of other male sex bloggers, I’ve never lamented it from a perspective of “imbalance” or “representation.” My lament has been far more personal, far more selfish: I wish there were more, because I want to read more. There are precious few of us out there, and I’m grateful for every one I learn of, as I’m nearly infinitely hungry. I don’t wish that we men represented a greater proportion of sex bloggers; I’m fine with us being 1% of the total. I just wish there were, in absolute terms, more of us.

    I agree with all of what Quilted Wookie writes – I think that, for a host of reasons, men are simply a) less likely to seek an opportunity to indulge/confess their desires in public, since we’re all expected to have desires, to be sexual, whereas for a woman to indulge/confess her desires is decreasingly, but nonetheless, still, a somewhat radical action, and b) less prone to think that our sexuality is interesting, worth examining, whether by ourselves or by others. Because, you know, we’re dicks.

    I’m grateful for the list you post – I’ve discovered a couple of terrific blogs that I hadn’t previously known of (a failing of mine, as all of them are well represented out there in the blogosphere). Thank you for doing this service!

    N.

  • Sparrow says:

    I volunteer at a charity that does drug and sexual health advice on a harm reduction basis, and I remember looking for male sex blogs specifically because they might have been useful or interesting for some of the male service users, who could be anything from 13 to 130- it’s clearly been a long time since I last checked, and I’m really looking forward to going through that list :-) (I don’t know the exact details, but the ratio of female to male volunteers is pretty disproportionate, and while I want to think that we’re super inclusive, I have no idea on volunteers who identify as anything but cis).

    Which sounded far more defensive than I wanted it to, sorry. One of the reasons I really like Oh Joy Sex Toy (can’t do links on this phone, damn it) is the inclusiveness of gender fluidity and regular male perspective- it’s relatively easy for me to find writing from people with similar mindsets or body parts to me, but I want to know how things feel from other perspectives.

    Finally, I really, really miss a blog called Todger Talk. I think they were pretty ahead of their time, and I still check every six months or so just in case they’re back from the dead :-)

  • akmaster49 says:

    I’ll add my blog to the mix that chronicles my D/s journey with my fiancée:

    tamingofl.blogspot.com

    I have no issue chronicling my sexual exploits to the masses; it’s a turn on in many ways. My only issue as of late has been finding the time to blog on a regular basis.

    You raise a great point, and when I was first starting my blog about four years ago I was disappointed to find few “role models” for male bloggers.

    Thanks for your consideration. Huge fan by the way of both your blog and your books.

  • Marty says:

    Some have referred to me a male sex blogger. I’m definitely very male. One of my followers once told me “you’re for intelligent readers.” It seems to me you can like both intelligence and sex. I write about the past. Which usually involves sex … or at least sexy women. I also talk about the present. Which involve sexy women. So there you go! ithinkyouearthlingsarecrazy.wordpress.com

  • SpaceCaptainSmith says:

    Yes to this. But… I don’t think looking for a sex blog by a particular gender is *inherently* wrong. Sex blogging is one of the few professions where the sex of the person doing it genuinely can make a difference, insofar as men and women experience sex differently. So I think it’s not unreasonable to look for ‘sex blogs by men’ or ‘sex blogs by women’; whether it’s because you’re interested in reading about sex toys and sex tips for someone like you, or because you’re curious about ‘how the other half do it’, or whatever…

    What does seem pretty tactless is asking a prominent female writer ‘BUT WHERE ARE THE MENZ?’. I can’t defend that. Google exists, guys!

    That said, I personally like to think I’d read good sex writing no matter the gender of the person writing it; I’m sure I’ve said before that if it’s hot enough, it doesn’t matter who’s behind it. (Chalk me up as another one curious about sex blogs by trans/non-binary people, though…)

    Finally, it’s true that as Lunabelle said above, there’s all sorts of social stereotypes wrapped up in this one. For whatever reason, writing about sex is more of a ‘female thing’ in our present society. Perhaps people think dudes are supposed to just *have* sex rather than talking about it. Perhaps sex writing is seen as more acceptable for women than men, somehow; or perhaps it’s just that women who write about sex tend to attract much more attention and get more hits than men who do so, and so seem more prominent as a result. (That last one’s definitely true.)

    Anyway, thanks for the list above! I look forward to exploring it.

    • I Just Wanna Be God says:

      Just to chime in with agreement to this – as sex is not completely disconnected from gender (as in the act of sex, not the classification of male/female/other), I don’t think a preference for reading about it through the eyes of one gender or another is a bad thing (as opposed to, say, a preference on the gender of your manager or secretary, whose job performance should be completely separate from their gender and therefore render their gender irrelevant when choosing them). In fact I wouldn’t see choosing a sex blogger based on their gender to be any better or worse than having that as a serious deciding factor when choosing which porn stars to masturbate over.

      But the above paragraph on tactlessness hits the nail on the head. I mean, asking your personal recommendation could be a sign of your writing being respected, and that the person asking is hoping you as a writer know of other writers of a similar calibre but approaching it from a male perspective, but.. that’s clutching at straws. Especially if it’s their first question.

      Just as with online fanfiction, I hadn’t noticed the absence of men, nor do I lament it. As with any industry, as long as there aren’t external forces making it harder for a particular gender, it’s ok.

  • Poo says:

    Possible reasons:

    1-Female sex blogs may be predominantly read by straight men (possible, but I doubt it. You’ll perhaps even have stats on viewer gender to prove/disprove)

    2-Sexually repressed society, especially for women, so the internet, by allowing anonymity, is an ideallocationfor women to discuss sexual issues/fantasies/etc.

    3-It’s perhaps easier to read about female sexual fantasy/exploits. If a guy writes about his base desires I think that can be discomfiting, the notion of a guy ‘using’ a woman for sex makes us more uncomfortable perhaps than if a woman says the same.

    Your blog has allowed me to feel less guilty about just wanting to, well, fuck a random woman. A male blog wouldn’t have been able to do so.

    4- Related to 2, but again the idea of a woman wanting sex for it’s own sake remains somewhat titillating and a curiosity.

  • H.H. says:

    Hey there,
    I really appreciate this post. I actually never really thought about it. It just seemed that in our “community” of bloggers there were a lot of women and some men-folk. I’m pretty sure you’re aware of our blog – mysexlifewithlola.com – but not sure if you consider it a “male sex blog.” Perhaps you don’t and that’s why it didn’t make the list. However, almost all the posts are written by me – HH, a male – and they are about Lola and my relationship with her and her relationship with oh so many people. On a rare occasion, like when reviewing the Remus dildo or giving some clarity to her back-story, Lo will write a post. Maybe you consider it a “couples” blog. Anyhow, just wanted to let you know that we’re here and we’re queer.

    xoxoxoxo,

    HH (and Lola)

    • Girl on the net says:

      Hey, sooooo this is why I hate doing lists! People always get upset when they’re left off the list. It’s not deliberate, as I mentioned in the post – I’m really scatty and stressed at the moment and I can never remember everyone! I’ve added you now and if I’ve time later I’ll pull out couples blogs into a separate list as I think there are lots of people who’d be interested specifically in the dynamics around couple/group blogging. x

  • When I started writing, it was clear that “most” of the sex blogs out there – or, at least, the ones that got talked about – were written by women. Evidently that isn’t the case, as you’ve proven above, but the media’s response – typically – was focused almost entirely upon the female ones in a typically “zOMG! Girls Lyke Sex?!?!?!!!!1” way. The Channel 4 documentary on the subject (which I’ve seen a couple of times) was even entitled “The Sex Blog Girls”, because only girls wrote them, or something.

    I started my blog, not because I’m a boy and wanted to start some male representation or something, but because I like sex and I like writing and I just… wanted to, really.

    I started writing in 2007 and there have been a few male sex blogs which have come and gone in that time. Tom Allen, who writes The Edge of Vanilla, is still active (but less so than he was), and had been writing his sex blog for even longer. Jake Holden (of Facts and Friction) was a pretty big deal for some time, and even Stu Nugent (John, Joe, Yossarian, etc…) had a good crack at it, and turned out some great content (in addition to his other content) – and still occasionally does so today. Boy on the Net (yes, I know…) is probably still there.

    I don’t know, I don’t check. But still.

    I think a lot of the issue (if it is an issue; I’m not sure if it is), in the UK specifically, stems from the publication of books (back in the ol’ days; I’m not talking about yours, GOTN!), serialised from sex blogs, sensationalised in the media and topping the charts. We know which ones they are and they made an impact, insofar as that when Oxbridge started writing her blog, the major newspapers (who all reported on it!!!) all started comparing her to Belle de Jour, despite a complete difference in style and content!

    BECAUSE ALL SEX BLOGGERS ARE THE SAME, innit!

    A quick Google search for “male sex blog uk” doesn’t yield any UK male sex blogs (including mine). The first page features you, Cara, Zoe and a similar article from High Tea Cast which was followed by comments from all the male sex bloggers who were active at the time (I seem to recall us telling each other!). Oh, the irony!

  • to a day, when no one questions a deficiency in anything because everyone will be represented…thank you for the list!

  • I have never given this much thought. I started a blog last year once my wife and I figured out the chastity dynamic. I have found writing to be very relaxing.

    I am not sure I have been blogging long enough to qualify for your list…I will let you decide.

    • Girl on the net says:

      You’re on it already! Molly sent me a list of people I hadn’t included – there’s a link to you in the list.

  • All I can say is thanks for listing my blog. I started it (back in 2012) certain that no-one was reading it, and pretty sure that no-one ever would.

    I remember being told that no-one wanted to read what men had to say about sex, let alone male doms. That seemed to hold true for quite a while, so it does take perseverance to get even a smallish audience.

    But now I do have a smallish reading circle, who – from the comments they’ve left – I think are a likeable bunch of people that I’m happy to know, even a little. Fit audience, I’ve found, though few.

    There’s a post I did after getting onto Mollie’s Top 100 Sex Bloggers list, about what the blog’s for and why it is that way. Which can be found here: http://jerusalemmortimer.com/im-one-of-those-top-sex-bloggers-youve-heard-about/

    Anyway, I’m pleased to be being read; it’s more than I expected, really. Thank you for listing me!

    Jaime

  • Girl on the net says:

    Hello! Thanks all so much for your comments on this – especially Innocent Loverboy – I’m really interested in the ‘why’ and your explanations have got me thinking. Likewise SpaceCaptainSmith. I’m super-hectic atm but going to think on this a bit more and will expand on some of my own theories in a comment – or another post, depending on how long it is =) x

  • josephine_kk says:

    You know what? I’ve never really thought about there being a lack of male sex bloggers, I mean back in 2012 when I started, there were a few but now, there are a lot. I talk daily to male/female and couples bloggers but it never occurred to me that there maybe an area that is lagging.

    Sex toys on the other hand, it is obv there are products geared more towards the lady variety but male products are slowly creeping up.

  • S says:

    Wolfboywolf is a friend of mines, he’s just starting back up after his relationship went by the by.

  • I am a male sex blogger!

    I blog about the realities of a Female Led Relationship and about the Femdom life. Some of my entries are thoughtful. Some apparently “hot” – all the more so because they are real experiences.

  • Rauno says:

    First, if you can add my blog, merryfrolics.com, to the list that would be fantastic!

    I cover (mainly) male masturbation related topics in my blog. And I definitely think that there aren’t enough quality blogs about it. I also think that it should be men who write about male masturbation. Otherwise the writer wouldn’t have first-hand experience, right? (Oops, a pun!)

    In general, I think there are too few sites writing about sexuality and relationships with a male voice. And those that exist can be hard to find. Therefore, big thanks for putting together this list. I’ve had my blog since last summer and ~80% of the listed blogs were unknown to me.

    • Girl on the net says:

      Hello! *waves excitedly* Thanks for dropping by – I’ve added you to the list and I’ve been looking at your blog – you cover some things that I bloody LOVE (VR porn, for one!). Glad you’ve found some new blogs on that list too!

  • Walter says:

    Hi there,

    I don’t know if you’re still updating this article. But I’m male sex blogger. I focus on erotic writing and sex advice at http://www.LoveWalter.com

    • Girl on the net says:

      Hey, no problem! Have added you and will check out your blog too!

      Also, do you have a new twitter handle? I tried to follow you from the link on your homepage but it said that account doesn’t exist (@gaysexcolumnist). Just thought I should let you know in case it’s a broken link or what have you!

  • Mike says:

    Hi! I would appreciate it if you could add my bog http://menstoybox.com to your list.

    I’ve been sex toy blogging for a few months now and I try to cover toys for men (gay and straight) that aren’t as commonly reviewed. I try to give quality advice for those buying and using sex toys! If you’re still updating this list, I would love to be a part of it :]

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