This week’s wonderful guest blog comes from fellow sex blogger Starcross (check out his awesome work at that link, and find him on BlueSky here!). He’s written before in response to a very direct and curious question I asked – what does it feel like to penetrate someone? – and I absolutely adored the way he managed to capture the sensation and intimacy of being inside. Today’s blog also touches on closeness and intimacy, but this time in a very public setting. He’s here to explain how doing public rope bondage with his partner, J, helped him find validation and security in kinky spaces. It’s a really beautiful perspective on something I have only ever seen from the outside before, and I am so grateful to him for sharing this with us here.
How I find validation through public rope bondage
I can’t remember what first sparked my interest in rope bondage, but it’s obvious why it lassoed my attention. Breasts, thighs and buttocks accentuated by rope, bare skin juxtaposed against the thick cords, knots placed just so to cause discomfort or pleasure (or both). It pleases me greatly that something as simple as a length of rope – with the addition of a willing model – can create something so artistic.
Before I tied my first sub I watched and read some online rope bondage tutorials. I then practiced on various inanimate objects, the back of a chair proving a useful, if somewhat two dimensional, substitute for a human torso. I continue to learn and have been to a couple of classes, becoming more confident with my own handiwork.
Despite feeling satisfied with my rope skills I was – and continue to be – somewhat intimidated by tying up my wonderfully patient sub, J, in public. Complicated knots that I may be able do without thinking when it’s just the two of us can become impossible when I’m in a dungeon filled with onlookers. This is when both slapstick and imposter syndrome kick in.
Concentrating hard on whether the rope should go over or under I have in the past nearly tripped on an unseen length. A knot that neither shibari master nor boy scout would ever recognise has taken what felt like hours to undo. On more than a few occasions I’ve accidentally whipped myself in the face while untying J. None of this ever seems to happen in the tutorial videos.
However, despite these mishaps, I’m reassured by J’s presence and by managing to always get the basics right. Somehow I can usually do a passable job of a dragonfly harness, or chest harness, or Hishi Karada (confession: I had to look that up, I know it as a ‘rope dress’). I attribute a large part of these successes to the fact that I have a beautiful naked person beneath the rope. I’m sure I could simply drape the rope around J’s shoulders and still get admiring looks.
Dungeons and other kink spaces are, usually, friendly places. Once J is fully trussed up people do sometimes come over and express their admiration of my ropework (and of J, of course). This fills me with an enormous sense of validation. I feel as though I do belong in those spaces. Imposter syndrome is momentarily shut away.
Much as I’m grateful for this validation what I enjoy most about tying J is not only how incredibly hot and momentarily vulnerable she looks, but also how close it brings us, mentally and physically. There’s a lot of trust involved with tying someone up, for both parties. We both can feel intimidated by doing what we do in front of strangers, but entering into our own little bubble makes me feel closer to J.
Securing ropes around J and then untying her brings me physically up close with her, too. It can feel gloriously intimate being skin-to-skin while freeing someone from bondage. For J there’s also the peace and escapism of literally being in someone else’s hands.
Although I’ll go home replaying peoples’ kind words about how I tied J, it’s her validation that matters most and which will stay with me longest. Hers is often an unspoken validation: blissful sighs, closed eyes and other physical signs that tell me she’s finding this just as arousing as I.
Following an event, we chat about our perceptions of it. We’ll talk about how hot it was to do what we do in public. We’ll laugh about my slapstick moments.
We will both be desperate to be alone again so that, having basked in the attention of others, we can enjoy one another’s passionate validations away from prying eyes.
This isn’t a sponsored post, but if you’re interested in trying out rope bondage yourself, here are a couple of different types of rope from companies which sponsor this website. Buying through these links supports my work and helps me keep paying awesome guest bloggers like Starcross for their stories!
Hemp rope: £12.99 for 10 metres from The Pleasure Garden. Use code GOTN10 for 10% off
Polyester rope: £16.99 for 25 feet (roughly 8 metres) from WhippleTickle. Use code GOTN10 for 10% off.
Cotton rope: £17.99 for 10 metres from WhippleTickle. Code as above.