Girl on the Net

As ever when I roll out some dirty poetry, I’m going to ask you to be gentle because I don’t really know what the fuck I’m doing. But I wrote a sexy poem, about sex and aging. Two things that are not incompatible. I suck at poetry titles, so feel free to suggest one in the comments. And I suck at poetry too, it’s just that sometimes I like the rhythm of it to make a point or turn a dirty phrase.

When I am old I will fuck.

With eager abandon; a smidgeon of luck;

And a partner who wants to:

I’ll fuck.

When I am retired I’ll get laid.

I’ll be older and wiser but no less depraved,

I’ll have more time to spend

Getting laid.

At seventy I’ll still suck dick

Whether pretty and flaccid or bright red and thick

A phallic buffet:

That’s the trick.

At eighty you’ll find me in bed

With a guy that I love or a guy I’ve just met

Or a sex toy I’m fucking

Instead.

When I’m eighty-five (if I’m here)

I’ll still know it’s true: lube’s more useful each year.

I’ll keep six different types of it

Near.

At ninety I might need a prop:

To help me stay balanced when I go on top

But I can’t think I’d ever just

Stop.

When I am old I will fuck.

With eager abandon; a smidgeon of luck;

And a partner who wants to:

I’ll fuck.

Who knows how long I will last?

All the months and then years seem to go by so fast

But I will make my future as fun as my past

From today and the next, til my

Last.