What happens at the end of No Nut November

Image by the fabulous Stuart F Taylor

I’m not a fan of No Nut November (the month-long challenge where people try not to wank for reasons that vary from ‘fine’ to ‘oh God please stop spewing falsehoods about wanking harming your brain’). I like wanking and I dislike people who try to make others feel ashamed or broken because they enjoy a hand shandy. However, there is one huge benefit to the end of No Nut November that I haven’t yet dwelled upon for fear I’ll end up trapped in a horn spiral for the whole of lockdown. Namely: how much fucking jizz there’ll be when everyone who is partaking in it joins a massive beat-one-out party at 12:01 on December 1st.

This is how I imagine it goes down.

At one minute past midnight, the magic time that marks the end of No Nut November: when the challenge is over, thousands of eager wankers begin masturbating.

At two minutes past midnight, a swimming pool’s worth of spunk pours forth.

Wait, not a swimming-pool: a lake. A river. An ocean.

Spunk so copious that, if it weren’t for its viscosity, salmon could swim up it to mate.

Spunk so torrential that – filmed in 4K and with the correct Attenborough voiceover – it could easily pass for a wide-shot of the start of monsoon season.

Shot after shot after shot. Loads and fucking loads of it. Across the globe, thousands (hundreds of thousands? Millions?) of people look anxiously around the room for a sock and realise that a sack would be far more pragmatic.

The end of No Nut November

In my head, there is a montage, set to the climax of the 1812 overture, of cock upon cock upon cock exploding in a bountiful shower of the most jizz it has ever spaffed forth, interspersed with the surprised/delighted looks of that cock’s owner. All different kinds of cock, all different consistencies and quantities of jizz, pumped with such intense power that if you aimed it in the right direction, you could use it to knock over Coke cans. Full ones.

Like a Cadbury’s selection box of filthy hot cum shots, but instead of your standard selection box fare, where the chocolate is always a little smaller than the bars you buy in the shop, they’re actually far far bigger. And made entirely of spunk.

Someone I know told me recently that he was partaking on No Nut November. My first question was ‘why?’ and my second question felt a little too forward to ask so I bit my tongue and didn’t say it. But what I wanted to say was:

On December 1st, do you fancy coming round and splattering a month’s worth of spunk all over my tits? 

I did not ask this question out loud, because lockdown rules sadly do not allow for horny slags who want to claim torrents of spunk that do not rightfully belong to us. Also because I think the sheer force of my enthusiasm may well scare him off. As my mate Jessica* explained to me recently in very serious tones: dick is like a deer in the garden. You have to coax it gently, you can’t just run at it screaming about how you want the spunk, because it’ll get startled and run away.

Wise words.

Besides, it’d be very unfair of me to try and claim someone else’s hard-earned spunk torrent: they’ve worked for that, goddammit! They’ve put in the effort and hours to save it all up over the month of November! I can’t just storm in and demand it like a member of the Bullingdon Club clicking their fingers to summon another bottle of quaffing port. The same logic that means I’m a little sad if I’ve fucked someone sideways but they only manage to come once I’ve left them alone for a reminiscence wank also dictates that I can’t swoop in and shove my naked tits under the geyser of spunk that will pour forth after No Nut November. It isn’t mine: I haven’t earned it.

In fact, I actively don’t deserve it. I’ve been quite rude about No Nut November in the past (though inevitably, Dr Janega at Going Medieval has skewered it far more effectively and hilariously), so it’s disgracefully hypocritical of me to try and siphon off the best bits of something I’ve been scathing about before.

But still. A girl can dream, right? And right now my dream is that at the end of No Nut November – at one minute past midnight on the 1st of December, the heavens will open. Angels will herald the moment with a round of the 1812 overture played on God’s own cannons and – accompanied by the satisfied groans of hundreds and thousands of wankers – the world will be drowned in what I can only describe as a biblical deluge of spunk.




*Jessica is not her real name, but we have decided she should definitely have a name on the blog, because I tweet about her quite a lot and I want to make sure she gets credit for her wise words about dick, as well as her incredible threesome tips.



  • s richardson says:

    Lockdown thoughts going well
    Not taking part in nonutnovember as such….but have been pretty much consistently edging myself for a week…so the combination of not coming AND edging…..they may have to name a river after me when I do come.

    • Girl on the net says:

      That sounds amazing. I am well jealous that you get to do this, and I hope that the eventual spunk torrent is worth the wait!

  • fuzzy says:

    I once had 6 guys jerk off on me while i lay on a coffee table, begging them all please to cum together; it almost happened (5 made it within 30 seconds of each other). I know I’m a slut because i was severely disappointed it was only six loads when what I wanted was a dozen garden hoses spewing a bathtub full of hot sticky salty spunk, making me look like I’ve been dipped into the glazed donut machine. It remains a constant fantasy to this day.

    We all deserve it, if we want it.

    • Girl on the net says:

      It’s genuinely really difficult to think of anything to say to this when I am busy trying to suppress my intense jealousy. That sounds phenomenal, and INCREDIBLE on the timing! I have never even managed two, although I’m not sure I’ve ever really tried very hard for it – I am too nervous of scaring off *one* load of spunk to try and aim for two. Maybe this can go on my wishlist for 2021, when the plague is over =)

  • oxyfromsg says:

    I am very much getting into edging.at the moment.
    I have a friend that is 40 odd days into the 61 they are doing.
    Thats going to be a explosion.

  • fuzzy says:

    Edging is so much fun. It is not unusual for me to edge 2-6 hours a day for multiple days a week *when my schedule permits*.

    I sincerely enjoy not ejaculating as much as i do ejaculating; the mere process of spewing spunk does not affect my pleasure levels, and i can frequently have orgasms which are not dependent on an ejaculation (prostate ones, all over body shivering with goosebumps ones, shockwave ones, anal orgasms when the world goes white then dark then white again and my whole body is shuddering including my breath (and then I normally pee myself ((blush)).

    Even with a penis, there is so much i can enjoy, and sometimes when I’m with a dominant (any gender/sex) it is fun to let them have the control of whether i ejaculate or not and when, no matter how long it takes. Of course, I have an “out” — if I go 7-10 days without an ejaculation it will happen as a wet dream in my sleep. (can be fun to be punished for that, heh-heh).

  • Beth in Arizona says:

    Who in the world came up with no nut November? I think your locked on his making people loony !!🤪😳

  • Sean says:

    Fuck NNN, anti-FAP/wank cranks. I will be more than happy to cum on your tits, suck it up, and roll it around your lips and tongue indeep kissing while I finger fuck you to orgasm… Every damn day… Sometimes twice.

  • ftandhubby says:

    Your friend shared that he was participating in No Nut November but you censored yourself in sharing that you wanted that torrent of cum all over you……us men can’t enjoy the thoughts in your head if you don’t share them (even if you were not going to act on them). Super hot that anyone wants our cum on them. For me my partner coming back from an adventure, dried cum somewhere on her body has the same effect. Go live your fantasy.

    • Girl on the net says:

      Don’t worry, he reads the blog so he’ll probably see it. Unfortunately though there’s a pandemic on, so I wouldn’t be allowed to live out this fantasy anyway. Besides… sometimes it’s OK not to spill out every single thought in my head at all times. Not everyone feels the same way you do about them, and sometimes it can be a little intense or offputting! I try to judge carefully what I do and don’t ask men for, because (as above) dick is like a deer in the garden, and you don’t want to scare someone away or make them uncomfortable by putting pressure on them.

  • CJ Brook says:

    Those of us who follow you on Twitter will be pleased to see the 1812 Overture easter egg in there!

    Not taking part in NNN because… what else is there to do when wanking from home? Sorry, working from home…

  • Faustian says:

    Bear in mind it’s not just 12.01.
    You’ve got 24 time zones to enjoy this fantasy to!

  • Faustian says:

    The way you described it with cannons and music gave me a rather vivid image of cartoon dicks in a delayed 21-gun salute firing over over a few seconds in an X-rated Fantasia. Which probably suits the title Fantasia more than Mickey dicking about in a silly hat to be fair.

  • ftandhubby says:

    I had a co-worker offer to spend some quality time with me many years ago, I declined for a number of really good reasons and felt a little bad about having to turn her down as I appreciate how much courage it must have taken her to share her desire with me. That said I’m forever grateful that she shared her thoughts. Though I’ve never done it myself, given the pandemic would a “tribute” photo from your friend be appreciated? Since he reads the blog I’m giving him a suggestion.

  • Valery North says:

    The “rolling barrage” was an artillery tactic in WW1 designed to cover the advance of the troops through No Man’s Land, advancing the aim ahead of them by a hundred yards at a time.

    So now with the “rolling wave” remark, I have a mental image of the jizz Howitzers progressively inching their aim higher and higher up the territory of the lucky recipient’s body to cover the advance of their owners!

  • fuzzy says:

    i believe if you want an x-rated Fantasia you would not be displeased with Allegro Non Tropp, which while not x-rated is a much better (and somewhat strange) Italian animated movie made in imitation of Fantasia.

  • Starcross says:

    Oh how I enjoy your writing, such wonderful talent. That addendum of a FULL can of Coke is perfect.

    I once had a no-nut pact with two other men I was sharing a tiny dorm with in an extremely remote part of Ecuador (it was January though, so maybe no-jerk January). It ended messily.

  • Lisa Stone says:

    What a wild fantasy! With what great enthusiasm you describe all this! That’s what it means to be a man doing his own thing, when you can not only fantasize, but also be able to publish it all.

  • Lisa Stone says:

    It’s a typo. I’m sorry.

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